Larry James' BLOG

Friday, March 25, 2011

What to Do? What to Do? Thoughts on the Dilemma of Choice! – Part 2

Filed under: Choice,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Part 2 of 3 Parts

NOTE: If you haven’t read “What to Do? What to Do? Thoughts on the Dilemma of Choice! – Part 1,” click here! Part 1 will open in a new browser window.

With indecision about our life’s direction, we succumb to the direction life takes us. We fall prey to the choices of others and of our own misguided choices. We then become the unintended victim. Indecision breeds confusion. There is nothing much more uncomfortable than being a confused victim.

Many of us are inconsistent in that we will make decisions when we are fairly certain of the outcome, but when it comes to making a “new direction” decision, that’s different! And when we don’t make a decision, life just does it’s own thing. . . our own thing.

We forget that even in not making a decision, a decision is made. Now, life is again happening to us and we feel out of control.

We must accept that we created the present dilemma we have with ‘what to do?’ It is our dilemma of choice! It is of our making! And we get to handle it or complain about it or whatever we do about it.

responsibility-quoteWe seldom give thought to the idea that we are the only one who has a clue as to how life got this way. If we would only take responsibility for how life turns out – there’s that “r” word again – our life would be different. Perhaps, better.

This is your life. . . right now! Own it. You created it. Do all you can to make it better now! Not someday! What have you got to say about that? Careful. Remember, we are grown up now, supposedly mature, and we are supposed to be responsible and hold ourselves accountable.

What you thought about yesterday has brought you to where you are today. What you think about becomes your past. You are either a slave to your thoughts and ideas or master of them.

It often seems that life is only consistent when we are not. Life will take up the slack. It will fill in the blanks. That’s right! That’s what it is doing right now and it is doing so at our direction. We tell life what to put in the blanks.

Right now, at this moment in time, we are doing life exactly the way life shows up for us. Our choice is to create it, the way it is, moment by moment. Life is always consistent with our wishes, spoken or unspoken.

With no plans of what to do, we stay busy trying to figure out what to do and struggle to keep our head above water; fighting for our life; being unhappy about what is going on instead of creating new and exciting ways of being and doing so we can get on with our life.

You already have a life. This is it! You don’t have to fight for it anymore. When you become so totally dissatisfied with it the way it is, then, you will want to do something about it. That is, unless you catch on; that to make some changes before you allow life to become too painful is the wiser of the choices available.

So. . . if you want the misery, the burden, the confusion and the insecurities to go away. . . make a decision about “what to do!”

It’s that simple! Not easy. Only simple. Making the decision is the toughest part.

Putting the decision off only comes from fear. What are you afraid of? Failure? Success? Starting over? Not knowing how? Are you concerned about what other people will think? Or all of the above. . . and more?

Consider putting you first. You are in charge here. Take control. Be good to yourself. Decide. Assert who you would be if you could put your name at the top of the list; the list of people who know “what to do.”

When you do what you can, to do the best you can – like a promise you keep to yourself – you will begin to feel love for yourself and move far beyond any fear of making a decision. Fear cannot exist in the presence of love. The burden that life feels like, is lifted when you decide “what to do.”

Often we say, “I just don’t know ‘what to do’!” We already know that we don’t know “what to do.” Why do we feel we must keep telling ourselves that? We know that or we would be doing something different.

The truth is, you do know. When you want to know, you will know. No one else can know for you. . . only you will know.

Take care that your focus is in the right place. It may be time to think and talk about what you might love to do. If you need a “how to,” maybe this will help.

Make a list. Write all of your ideas on a piece of paper. Be intentional about choosing something to do.

Don’t rule anything out; even the things you think could never happen or would not be appropriate for you. This gets the negative conversations that keep you from focusing on what you want, out of your head and on paper so you can properly dispose of them.

Doing this also keeps your mind focused on coming up with something to do instead of affirming to yourself over and over that you don’t know “what to do.” After the list gets longer, you can determine what needs to be tossed out and what needs to be considered.

Hang the list on your mirror where you will be reminded to add new ideas to the list as they occur to you. Some of the ideas will make you laugh. Others, you will feel afraid. Or sad. You may experience a myriad of emotions with this process. Stay with it.

Think about results. Imagine the fun you will have on the way to attaining the results. Make several copies and carry one with you at all times. Be creative. Use your imagination.

What makes you feel good when you do it? What do you think might make you feel better about yourself if you did it? Or maybe you haven’t done it yet and you think if might feel good. What is that? Write it down. What are others doing that interests you? What kind of people do you enjoy being around?

In your wildest imaginings, what would you really like to take on? Does it serve you as well as others? What could you do that would have you feel good about saying, “I love what I do!”? What would that be? What would you be doing right now if you knew you could not fail?

Never rule out anything because you don’t know how to do it or are afraid you might not be able to do it or that you don’t have the money to fund the venture or anything else. Just make your list! Write everything down that comes up. Writing things down is a great adventure. It is a path with the possibility of making you free.

Here is perhaps the most important reason you may want to consider writing everything down. Writing down everything frees the heart to express what It wants that is best for you. In that moment, there is a connection between the mind and the heart; it’s called trust.

When trust is present, freedom reigns. You can feel it! Having made the decision to write everything down, the heart is free to express those hidden desires and dreams that have been living in the shadows of self-doubt and fear. Fear vanishes in the presents of Love. There can be no trust without Love; love of God, love of self and love of others.

Trust your heart to know what It wants that is best for you. The heart never lies. Desires of the heart are important because they indicate the urging from the spirit of God that is attempting to move you forward.

When your heart speaks, you know it’s not you speaking. You normally don’t talk like that. The heart speaks only possibilities. The mind often goes back and forth. That part of you – your heart – that speaks like you don’t, could be called many things. One possibility is: you could call it God.

NOTE: Read Part 3.

ChoicesCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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  1. […] NOTE: If you haven’t read “What to Do? What to Do? Thoughts on the Dilemma of Choice! – Read Part 1. Click here. Part 1 & Part 2 will open in a new browser window. Read Part 2 […]

    Pingback by What to Do? What to Do? Thoughts on the Dilemma of Choice! – Part 3 « Larry James' BLOG — Tuesday, March 29, 2011 @ 7:19 am | Reply

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