Larry James' BLOG

Sunday, March 13, 2011

De-Clutter Your Life! – Let Go of Toxic Friends!

Filed under: Relationships,Toxic Friends — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Do you really know who your friends are?

If you are stuck. . . and your life doesn’t seem to be moving forward, perhaps it’s time to cut loose those friends who stiffle your personal performance and limit your accessibility to a happy and healthy future! Get unstuck! It’s time to let go of these so called “frenemies!” They are NOT your friends!

Whoa! Was that fear that raised its ugly head? Read that first paragraph again!

Are you fearful of change, especially when it comes to letting go of friends who complicate your life? Many times it’s our so-called friends that distract us from the things we know we must do to move forward. The continued chaos we find ourselves in can disappear when we do a clean sweep – a spring cleaning.

SusanBarashOut with these old friends (you know who they are) – and in with the fresh, fantastic, unencumbered life you’ve always wanted. Friends come in all flavors. Some friends weigh on your heart. Others tend to make you wrong. Some constantly criticize. Others want to continue to sow their wild oats and seek to influence you to do things that you would normally not do. Some are heartless controllers and emotional manipulators. Others use you. Some just piss you off most of the time and are more like enemies. These friends You Should AVOID! These people are not your real friends. You can and should live your life without them.

Enough already with the friends who do not enhance your life. Stand tall. Be brave. It’s time to make your mental load lighter.

Reinvention works! Take a few moments and begin to design a new and exciting future with “new” friends who will support and inspire you in what you are up to in life.

Start by making a list of your five closest friends. List as many things that each of them have done that have significantly helped to improved your life. Next make a list of all of the things that have caused you heartache and stress. Which list outweighs the other? Next. . . purge! Begin to silently send them to the dump!

Believe me, there is value in silently saying goodbye. I said, “silently” for a reason. Never should you tell someone that they are no longer going to be in your life. You “mentally” say goodbye and begin to distance yourself from the ones that you know you should and in time you will wean yourself from their distructive influence. Phase them out gently.

There may be sadness coupled with relief once the decision is made. Making the decision is the hardest part. If it was someone you liked but you knew they were on the dump list, take a little time to mourn over your loss. It will only hurt for a little while. Contentment and a refreshing recommitment to your own well-being follow.

Think about what to say beforehand in case you are cornered and your friend asks why you’re never around anymore. Be honest when you mention the reasons behind your actions. No need to be blunt, but make sure your message is clearly understood. Remember, they have feelings too, so try to let them down lightly. Take them off your social media contacts. No phone calls or e-mail. Keep this gentle release private. No need to share this with other friends.

You must decide to focus on taking care of you. You also must be sure that you are better off discovering that old friends who are clingy and keep hanging on, dragging you down with them, are bad news.

The final step is to begin to search out some new friends. Smile! Talk to people that you have never really talked to before and you may be pleasantly surprised. You may find comfort and some new friends in groups of people. Never act too eager to be friends too quickly. Be yourself and stay casual. Take it slow. Friendships develop over time. They need careful choices and tender loving care. There is “fun” in the hunt for supportive friendships. Make sure your new friends are truly in your corner. Friends are important and valuable commodities in our lives.

Although it takes time to make new friends, sometimes it’s better to shed your toxic friends – and for awhile – be without close friends so you can spend that time to lift yourself up and prepare yourself for the exciting life you have ahead. If you need help, it’s okay to ask for it!

BONUS Articles:How Do You Work on You?
Snap Out of It!
Not Worth Keeping in Touch: Of “Frenemies” and Toxic “Friendships”


Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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  1. I couldn’t have read this article at a better time. Thank you for the post!

    Comment by Jenn — Monday, May 21, 2012 @ 9:10 am | Reply

  2. Isn’t that book a rip off of Dr. Lillilan Glass’ original book then she sued this woman???

    Comment by Dee Dee Russell — Saturday, January 28, 2012 @ 10:45 pm | Reply

  3. Larry, your blog says it all: toxic friends are just not worth it. I too had a toxic frenemy who comes in the form of a flatmate from hell a few years ago. Thanks for the blog post and keep it up.

    Comment by whatsaysyou — Sunday, March 20, 2011 @ 1:13 am | Reply

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