Larry James' BLOG

Monday, January 24, 2011

Bad Thoughts About Your Partner? Opps! Your BAD!

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about your husband or your wife, stop and choose to think of something else – especially things from your positive quality list. You must replace those negative thoughts with more realistic and positive thoughts.

What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Keep thinking those thoughts and it will surely get worse.

While stopping the negative thoughts and gaining control of what’s going on in your mind may be a challenge, it can done. Those kind of thoughts can keep you stuck. They also bring others around you down. Never allow yourself to dwell on the negative aspects of your relationship. It isn’t healthy. If you have trouble getting out of this rut, call a coach. Get some help.

#1When those negative thoughts pop into your head, take a few minutes and make a list of your partner’s qualities that you like, admire and appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly.

StadiumImportant: Refrain from criticizing your partner to others – especially your children. Believe me, it will come back to haunt you. This only causes others to only view your partner in a negative light. Not good. Instead, catch them doing something right and in a kind and loving voice let them know you appreciate it.

Here is a little “mind trick” that I often use when I catch myself getting off track by thinking negative thoughts. Have you ever watched a baseball or basketball game on TV and seen someone waving around this huge hand that fits on their hand that has one finger indicating that their team is #1?

When I catch myself thinking something that I know leads me down the wrong path, I stop, close my eyes and imagine a huge stadium full of people all waving signs that say, “STOP!” I know. It sounds silly, but it works for me. I often catch myself laughing and immediately begin to change my thoughts to something good.

stop“Look for the positive side of things that you may find irritating. If you find it boring when he spends time telling you about his bad day, remember that at least he is talking to you, spending time with you, sharing his concerns with you, bringing you into his confidence, and giving you the chance to be an encourager and helper.” ~ John Wilder

We all have times when we are in a negative slump for a while. That’s normal. The key to to not stay there. The goal with this awareness and replacement process is not to completely prevent negative thoughts from ever entering your mind. That is not realistic, or for that matter. . . possible. The idea is to improve your ability to become aware, then reduce and manage the negativity you come up with. This keeps your brain from getting bogged down every time you become distressed by something.

Always remember. . . you have choice! You can choose what to think about your partner!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


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