Larry James' BLOG

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Give Up Whine!

Filed under: Criticism,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

In relationships there is no fine whine.

nowhiningGet a grip. Whining does not work. Neither does dissing, griping, nagging, complaining, ranting and raving. Especially if it always about the same old thing. Enough with the complaining about your significant other! Stop it! Whining is a nasty, vile sport!

Are you a full time whiner? Instead of complaining, think of ways that you can make the situation better and start doing those things to put your plan into action,

WhineandcheesseThe more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. Do you want to get closer to the one you love? Whining about your mate pushes you further from the one you love.

Here is my best tip: Practice the “three Cs.” Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Constantly complaining is a form of whining. It is also often called “nagging.” By complaining, condemning, or criticizing, you are placing the blame on other people, and not doing anything to further the goals of the relationship. Someone who constantly ridicules, criticizes, and condemns demonstrates one the seven characteristics of an abuser.

Hostility in intimate relationships increases your risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, sudden death, and suppresses your immune system. It is much better to choose your words carefully, put some love in your voice and look for a solution. When you learn to focus on the good things about your partner, and simultaneously begin attending to the neglected areas of your own life, the other person will often begin to miraculously improve on their own.

First, take a close look at yourself. Is there anything that you can do to adapt or change your attitude about what it is you feel compelled to criticize? Work on the best way to prevent the mistakes from reoccurring without arousing resentment or hurting your partner’s feelings. Start there.

ThouShaltNotWhineOne more thing. . . its human nature to sometimes complain about your partner however, venting your relationship problems to your friends will only make them dislike your partner. It can sabotage your relationship. Complaining about your partner also puts a negative light on you and your relationship to other people.

Complaining does nothing positive for you. All it offers is a lot of wasted energy and a way for you to be even more unhappy and possibly lead you to more complaining.

If you’re constantly complaining to your partner about their actions, then don’t be surprised if nothing changes and that one of you mentally checks out of the relationship before it’s officially over.

Quiet, please. Instead, catch your partner doing something right and shower them with praise, adoration and loads of Love!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


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