Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Take Time-outs

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Make time to think about your relationship, your partner and the progress you are making. Thinking can stimulate your mind to action. There are many times in a relationship where time outs are very useful.

Listen to your heart. It always tells the truth. Give your relationship a tune-up. Couples can strengthen their bond by taking the time to regularly assess their relationship. It is far better to concentrate on the good than to dwell on the hurts of the past. Listening is the foundation for concentration. In your time-out look for the truth about the direction you need to take.

Many of us can recall a time when we were able to prioritize better and manage our time well. In the beginning of our relationship we used to manage to take time out for our partner. So that means we can reschedule our plans once again.

timeoutTake time out for your mate.

When difficulties arise, be a relationship tweaker. Don’t wait. Do something, preferably with your partner that will quickly get your relationship back on track. Work fast to break out of a relationship rut. Stop making your relationship problems the cause of your unhappiness.

Remember, there is always more than one way to do anything. There is no “one way.” There are only many ways to reach your relationship goals. You have but to be open to them.

Together, choose a solution that you can both support and fine-tune it. Instead of living with old memories, create some new ones. . . together. Think openly, with no boundaries or rules and watch the creative juices flow and the ideas come forth.

Also be aware that ideas are a dime a dozen, however the people who put them into action are priceless. Studies have shown that as an activity becomes more difficult, the brain becomes more active. Take time to ponder the number of choices that are available.

Take an occasional time out for yourself. No matter how wonderful togetherness feels in a relationship, it is still crucial for partners to take time for themselves. Keep trying to move to higher levels while staying in loving contact with your partner.

Men need to periodically pull away. Dr. John Gray, author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” reminded us that men are like rubber bands. It is their natural cycle to get close, pull away and get close again. It is important for men to fulfill their need for independence.

What about women? Women can get wrapped up in taking care of her family and forget how much she needs to nurture herself. It’s important for a woman to get together with her girlfriends so that they can talk about and listen to each other’s problems without judgment or offering unsolicited advice.

Another time out might occur when you both become angry with each other. When that happens, the first thing you want to do is to “hold your tongue!” We often say things in anger that we later regret. Take a breather. Try this:

• Take a short walk around your neighborhood to unwind.
• Sit in a dark room with your eyes closed and take a few deep breaths.
• Use the time to write out what you are angry or frustrated about.
• Go for a jog or do some aerobic exercise.
• Do something that will temporarily distract you from your feelings.
• Use your imagination to help calm yourself. For example, you could imagine a relaxing forest scene or a calm stream of running water.

Remember to not leave your partner hanging. When you take a time out, be sure to come back to the conversation as soon as possible. Once you have had a chance to relax and have some plan in mind for resolving your conflict, resume your conversation – see if you can maintain a calm and rational equilibrium. Learn to talk as friends to each other.

If you absolutely can’t resume the discussion without getting into another disagreement, schedule a time to finish your talk within twenty-four hours of when you ended the discussion. NEVER let too much time go by without coming to a mutually beneficial solution.

Don’t take your partner for granted. Love is like a seed. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away.

Time outs are a good way to refocus your attention on yourself and your relationship. They can rekindle and strengthen your relationship.

Lovehearts

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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