Larry James' BLOG

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Why We Fight About Money

Filed under: Money,Relationships,Weddings — Larry James @ 7:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,

The classic line in many wedding ceremonies includes the words, “for richer or for poorer.”

Often heard in my relationship coaching sessions:

“You just don’t know when to stop spending.”
“You’re not doing your part to help with our money problem.”
“You never consult me when you make major purchases. I thought we were in this together.”
“You need to get a better job that pays more!”
“We need to cut back, but you keep on spending.”

Couples who once smoothed over spats with a little shopping therapy can no longer afford to fill that prescription. Marital roles are shifting as onetime breadwinners adjust to long bouts of unemployment. Husbands and wives are blaming each other for bad investments and onerous debt.

Money is the biggest stress on married couples in many years. It seems to be the top reason that most couples find themselves in major disagreements. Although the longer they are together, the less they argue about money.

Here are the latest stats:

43% – Married 1 to 8 years
38% – Married 9 to 25 years
23% – Married 26-plus years

You can blame the economy for shaking up your once solid union or you can define the real problem and mutually work together to find a workable solution.

Blame never solves the problem. It delays the inevitable search for a mutually beneficial solution. Work together. Cuss and discuss, but work on the solution.

Stats Source: Center for Marital and Family Studies, University of Denver.


Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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