Manage your anger. Don’t let it control you or get in the way of a fulfilling, loving relationship!
If you have a complaint, only raise it when you are not feeling angry about it. As best you can, speak with loving words and keep it short and to the point. Don’t lecture. Keep your examples current.
Never use past hurts to illustrate current gripes. It only opens up old wounds and causes your partner to feel that they can never stop paying for past mistakes.
Avoid words like, “never” and “always” or things like, “You’re just like your mother/father!” This only pushes your partner’s panic buttons and escalates the disagreement.
When your partner expresses a complaint/grievance/criticism, rather than argue the point, listen nondefensively. Rather than counter attack, search for some small part with which you can agree, and acknowledge it.
If an apology is called for, offer it. Listening nondefensively can put a damper on an argument expeditiously. Now. . . you can work on a solution together.
Amanda Gore talks about holding on to your “stuff!” If anger has you by the throat. . . please watch this video!
Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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