Larry James' BLOG

Saturday, October 16, 2010

It is Okay to Say, “No!”

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

It is not okay to say, “Yes,” when your heart tells you to say otherwise. Sure it’s easier to say yes, but at what price to your peace of mind? Always saying yes isn’t healthy.

It is not possible to fulfill every request made of you. Compulsively saying yes is potentially self-destructive; it is behavior that signals co-dependency.

To let go of feeling guilty when you say, “No,” is a new way of being that takes practice. Don’t agree to a request you would rather decline because of feelings of guilt or obligation. Doing so will likely lead to additional stress and resentment.

Practive saying “no” to unimportant things. Say ‘no’ to meeting the demands and needs of everyone except yourself. S-M-I-L-E and just say, “No!”

No!Sometimes it’s tough to determine which activities deserve your time and attention. However, it is important to stand up for you. Cease being a conspirator in your own abuse. Be assertive when you say, “No,” not aggressive.

The word “no” has power. Don’t be afraid to use it. Be careful about using wimpy substitute phrases, such as “I’m not sure” or “Not now” or “I don’t think I can” or “I’ll think about it.” These answers are often interpreted to mean that you might say yes later.

Saying no isn’t necessarily selfish. When you say no to a new commitment, you’re honoring your current commitments and obligations and ensuring that you’ll be able to devote quality time to them. Saying no won’t be easy especially if you’re used to saying yes all the time. But learning to say no is an important part of simplifying your life and managing your stress.

Your relationship with someone else does not depend upon giving up yourself.

You give “of” yourself to the other. You never give “up” yourself to the other.

Healthy, mature love does not make us less than we are individually.


Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page:
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at:
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at:
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at:
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at:


Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: