Larry James' BLOG

Friday, September 10, 2010

Count Your Change

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Relationships never move in straight lines. They wander. They change. And create opportunities you’d never expect. Evaluate your progress. Embrace change. Do not resist it.

The smallest pebble in your shoe will irritate you until you do something about it. Be excited about the changes that occur in your relationship. Learn from them.

Things change. Feelings change. Needs change. Wants change. In a healthy love relationship you must remember to communicate these changes in a loving way as they occur. How sad to change your feelings in a positive way and never communicate them to your love partner. Effective communication is required. It cannot happen by osmosis.

If you think you do not have a choice in managing change, think again. The choices you have made in the past have caused the change that brought you to this moment in time.

ChangeheartAffirmation ~ I will try to have every choice I make be consistent with the highest vision I have of myself. ~ Austin Vickers

Your feelings about change are very real. They are perfectly normal. It’s scary. A choice to change can cause anxiety; fear of what we think might happen. Never allow your feelings to force you into the paralysis of doing nothing.

Often couples feel that the only way their relationship will improve is if their partner changes. What you must do is take your eyes off your partner and put them on yourself. You have total control to change yourself, and no control to change your partner. The question you must ask yourself is, “What do I need to do for my own well-being if my partner doesn’t change?”

When we change. . . we give permission to others around us to change. It is not possible to change others. To others, the empowerment for change is often unspoken; it is communicated in the changes they consciously or unconsciously notice in us.

changecartoonOur feelings help us to discover ourselves. Heed their call. They provide clues and insights into who we are and often become the catalyst for re-inventing ourselves. The energy for change is inspired by the emotional honesty we express through our feelings.

The exercise of inquiry alone can yield amazing results. It can lead you down many paths. The options are endless.

Do your relationship differently. Your partner may take a while to notice and perhaps even longer to respond. Be patient. Notice small steps in the right direction. Praise improvement. It gives rise to inspiration and encourages them to continue.

Relationships change as you and your partner grow as a couple, and as individuals. Consequently, you discover more about each others’ desires, and you’re able to cultivate a more meaningful relationship.

Life (and your relationship) is not a snapshot! It’s a moving picture. Notice what changes you are experiencing. Share them with your partner. Often a change in attitude toward your partner will bring about an attitude of change from your partner.

Words alone cannot change anything. It takes action. Unless you are inspired to do something different; unless you change your way of being in a relationship your relationship will not get better. Believe it. . . change your behavior accordingly and your life will be forever transformed!

Some partners only change when they feel the heat. Others, when they see the light. The latter is preferable.


Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


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