Larry James' BLOG

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Don’t Cheat! Have an Affair With Your Wife/Husband!

Filed under: For Men Only,For Women Only,Guest Authors,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Barbara J. PetersBarbara J. Peters, Guest Author

Go ahead, have an affair. No, really.

Infidelity is one of the more difficult problems facing married couples today. In my practice I see many couples trying to work through the hurt and pain of being the victim of a deceitful relationship. In one such counseling session I suddenly thought “why not have an affair with each other.”

Men and women cheat for different reasons, but if they can find what they need from each other no one has to be hurt. Think about what things you could do to bring the excitement, spontaneity, sexual desire and feeling of being loved into your marriage with a twist: that of an affair with your spouse. It might take some creativity but the results could prove very rewarding.

Studies have shown nearly half of all marriages end in divorce; it’s no wonder so many people are opting to stay single these days. The truth is that there is no one reason why married people have affairs, but rather a whole constellation of factors paving the road to infidelity. But, with the right tools and attitudes, marriages can endure the test of time, flourish and even exceed expectations.

Many problems within a marriage focus on communication or the lack of it, but often one of the most difficult obstacles for couples to overcome is infidelity. At a recent counseling session, I was working with a couple trying to deal with the husband’s infidelity. Suddenly I asked the wife, “Why don’t you have an affair with your husband?” The look of surprise on both faces matched my own.

roseflirtMost of us expect monogamy to be a normal part of marriage or any committed relationship. The reality is monogamy is not the norm. Why not play the part of a mistress to add new dimensions to your marriage? It just might stave off wanderings, by you or your partner.

While many may feel self-conscious or even a little foolish while role-playing a part, once into it, magic will happen. Suppressed feelings or emotions can explode and ignite fireworks long forgotten. Need a primer to get started? Here’s a road map to help you reap the pleasures of having an affair with your husband and some useful tips about becoming the “other woman” in your marriage.


Acting on the sly always brings an adrenaline rush, even with your husband. Create lost excitement in your marriage with secret lovemaking in new places, away from home. Never discuss your clandestine rendezvous; after all, you are meeting a secret lover and don’t want your husband to know! Send provocative text messages at the most unpredictable times.

Leave love notes in his car, on his mirror, in the refrigerator – all unlikely places to look for love. The anticipation of your tantalizing rendezvous will excite your man more than you will ever know. Tease him about what you will be wearing, or won’t be. Anticipation thrills men and is much like foreplay for women. Men are intrigued by the devilish mind games and images created by you.

Falling in Love

Those first few days of falling in love always remind us happy memories we want to experience over and over again. Recreate the past when you waited with excitement for his call or to take his arm. Gaze at him with loving eyes, touch him lightly and tell him how wonderful, smart and adorable he is. Laugh at his jokes and tell him how you love his sense of humor. Explore something new about your partner, as there is always something to discover.


flirtlegundertableThis pleasurable act often becomes boring and ritualistic with a spouse, but with a new partner often brings new awakenings. Most men try affairs because they want sexual conquest – you can be that conquest. Play a role opposite what he thinks you are. Try a washable tattoo in a sexy place, become a blond bombshell or surprise your husband with a peek at your passionate side by hiring a boudoir photographer.

Fantasies are fun, but you must first find out what his fantasies are. That’s where sexy talk will ease your way. Flirt with your husband, especially in public. Touch and tease him under the table at a restaurant. Whisper in his ear that you are ready for the hottest night of your life.

Finally, remember how wonderfully blissful you felt when you were dating, courting and walking down the aisle on your wedding day. Remember that feeling of love and the intense desire to be with your husband forever. Get out your wedding pictures and experience those emotions all over again. You’ll be more ready for an affair with your husband (or wife).

Copyright © 2010 – Barbara J. Peters. Barbara J. Peters is a licensed professional counselor providing couples therapy in Cumming, Georgia. She is the author of “Gift of a Lifetime: Building a Marriage That Lasts.” Visit her website at and

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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  1. Good suggestions indeed.

    Comment by Umang Dave — Monday, May 13, 2013 @ 4:12 am | Reply

  2. What an excellent post and it is dead on right. Any marriage is going to become stale, it is up to BOTH couples to keep it alive and well. Role play is one of the best ways to inject new life into a relationship. Make sure you are always adding new elements to your marriage. Try new things as a couple, go new places… the key to keeping your relation alive is to just keep it fresh.

    Comment by Dee — Sunday, March 31, 2013 @ 3:35 am | Reply

  3. […] […]

    Pingback by Sorry, TAM members i m having an affair — Wednesday, November 28, 2012 @ 6:28 am | Reply

  4. Hey Larry:

    What a great guest post. Far too many women are conflicted about their sexuality. I blame it in large part to the churches teaching little girls that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and good girls don’t do it. You never hear positive messages in churches about what the bible commands for us to have great sex lives. By the time a woman is ready to embrace her sexuality, she has sex as a negative so imprinted on her psyche that she never is fully able to reject these notions and it shows in their sexuality. I support your Website in freeing up women to explore their sexuality as do I.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    Comment by marriagecoach1 — Sunday, August 29, 2010 @ 8:40 am | Reply

    • So agree with you!
      I even wrote a book on Amazon
      Sex and Christainity in the 21st Century

      It’s time for a new wave of thinking for sure. I have heard several horror stories who waited to have sex before marriage and end up divorced within a year or two . They have no healthy look at sex and also are told not to explore themselves and masturbate. This makes them cheaters and liars when they do become intimate because like you said sex is viewed sex dirty and sinful not true! It’s a beautiful gift from God! to share with your true love. I. Recently just met someone I know am going spend The rest of my life with! He is everything I prayed for and we have decided to make love when we met. Am a 29 year virgin and he is 27. We’re ready to share that special time together and am happy to know I will marry this man and that we will be soul mates. If you truly love someone you should always show them. Actions speak louder then words!

      Comment by holly — Sunday, March 20, 2016 @ 10:35 am | Reply

      • Hey Holly
        How about we swap book reviews. I am a top reviewer on Amazon. The name of my book is: SEX EDUCATION FOR ADULTS SECRETS TO AMAZING SEX AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOO

        Comment by marriagecoach1 — Monday, March 21, 2016 @ 3:38 pm | Reply

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