Larry James' BLOG

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Snap Out of It!

Filed under: Coaching,Confusion,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

When your energy is all sapped out, you’ve been let down by something or someone and everything becomes too much for you, it’s time to throw a Pity Party. Initially, you are the only person invited to this party, as you feel so sorry for yourself, you don’t think of inviting anyone else.

Pity Party – A period in which you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is. It about being down in the dumps!

Slump – A period of decline or deterioration, which a person performs slowly, inefficiently, or ineffectively.

Sound familiar?

“Of all the negative emotions I’m aware of…self-pity is one of the ugliest. No matter what you’re facing…refuse to pity yourself. It all adds up to you making alibies so you can look special in the eyes of others or seeking justification for irresponsible behavior. It’s very seductive…but, in the end… always makes you feel lousy.” ~ Mack Newton

Choosing to feel hurt; to dwell on the pain; to go to the extreme of inviting guests to your “pity party” is an unhealthy attitude. In other words, telling everyone you meet about your hurt only prolongs the agony. It will forever keep you stuck.

depressedgirlPity Parties require the proper outfit, which is usually pajamas cause you don’t get all dressed up during those feeling-sorry-for-myself moments. You’re laying around, depressed with nearly no ambition to change. Also you should have no make up on or just the one from the night before; hair undone as well. It also involves tissues, comfort food such as ice cream; chocolate (especially chocolate!); potato chips; cookies; cake; and candy. Low fat food is banned.

Music is also very important at pity parties, including songs like “One is the Loneliest Number”, “All by Myself”, “Cry Me a River,” and any other song that makes you feel like throwing yourself in front of a bus. A pity party just isn’t a party without a dark, morose atmosphere. Staring blankly at old game shows with a quart of ice cream melting in your lap… now that’s a quality pity party! A few barf bags on the buffet is always a good idea and a few boxes of tissues. A “POOR ME” banner should always be included.

Pity parties usually end after you are done whining or if someone breaks it up. This will usually be a cynical loved one who will not let you drown in self pity and will take you either to have the best time ever, drinking and partying or will just make you crawl out of bed by making you see how pathetic you look and how you should cut out the whining and just do something to make things better. Why not use this opportunity to drag your friends down, too? Nothing says friendship like gathering together to bemoan the troubles of your respective lives.

panicbuttonGot the point? It’s not a pretty picture! Please do NOT send invitations. No one likes to be around someone who is always complaining and wining about life. It’s not time to hit the panic button just yet!

You need to “snap out of it!” Get off your butt! You must work on uncovering the reason you are having a pity party. There is a cure for stagnation. Having a slump is not the end of the world, as long as it’s short, temporary and you know what to do about it.

According to Robert W. Bly, Here is his 3 point formula for getting out of a slump:

1. Do something.
2. Do more.
3. Keep doing it.

Focus – Many slips into a slump are the result of being overwhelmed with just too many things going on at the same time. Relationship depression does happen on occasion. Feel sorry for yourself, have a good cry, then start working on a way to get you out of the mess. Take solace in the fact, that yes, you will get out of the mess. Slumps are unavoidable, but no slump is permanent.

depressedman2It’s time to get busy living! Life is too short to bitch and moan about what isn’t happening to you. Focus on what you want. What you think about, and speak about, you bring about. You might not be in the mood for exercise. But just do it anyway! Taking a walk, going for a run, going to the gym, whatever it is you do for exercise – get out and do it now!

Dress up and take yourself out to an expensive lunch somewhere really nice. Get out of the house and do something different. Take some time out for yourself. Celebrate getting out!

Reconnect to your plan. Don’t have one? Get one! Take some time to design a blueprint for your life. When you have something to look forward to, it is a great motivator. Know what motivates you. By the way, never look to others for your motivation. Motivation comes from within.

Play some lively music. Some people play “march” music and strut around the house. You may feel silly at first, but force yourself to at least do something different than just sitting around.

When you are hurting. . . ask for help. Get support. Uncover the cause of your slump. Get help from a coach. Ask them to be honest with you, and when they are, do something with the advice they give you. Talk about it.

Got a significant other, best friend, family member, co-worker, coach, minister, you can talk to? Bend their ear – but only for a while. That’s what they’re their for. Too much moaning and groaning will drive your friends away. If you don’t reach out to your close friends, there are hotlines, or professionals, you can talk to. Getting things off your chest makes a big difference, and can be a huge lift. It can also help you work out the reasons you’re feeling down.

The hardest part of coming out of a slump is acknowledging you are in one. You cannot solve a problem that you cannot admit you have.

leap2Once the decision to move forward is clear, getting started will be your next hurdle. It requires your personal urgency and lots of energy. It will take a leap of faith. This may feel like you are living your life in the leap; not being sure of what will happen or where you will land. It will also take courage. At least now you know what doesn’t work. Perhaps this is good. Don’t do life that way anymore.

It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself.

I cannot stress enough that the only person who can get you into a slump is YOU. No matter what happens, you always have choice. It is also true that the only person who can get you out of a slump is YOU! Pray for inspiration. The choice to change your attitude is a step in the right direction.

If it’s a relationship that’s got you in this shape, read, “Relationship Slump Busters!”


Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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