Larry James' BLOG

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Is Your Relationship Out of Balance?

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 6:00 am
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When the two of you come together, there’s “you,” “me,” and “we.” Striving for balance between the 3 of you is not easy. The problem many of us find is that our lives have become so complicated that there are just too many things to balance – with family, career, home, friends, hobbies and everything else that is expected from us where can balance begin? Maintaining balance helps restore harmony and reduce stress. It improves the bond you have with one another.

I believe that a successful relationship begins with “you.” AND. . . that you are being and remain true to yourself. Be patient and loving with yourself.

Feeling needy? Have a clingy partner? Spending too much time with the kids and your partner is feeling left out? To much seriousness and not enough playfulness? Playfulness keeps your relationship fresh and exciting. Has your love of your career (and money) replaced the love of your life? You are not married to your work, you are married to the love of you life. Act like it.

We need balance to live in harmony and create abundance in our lives.

outofbalance“Each partner is able to maintain their own identity, friends, hobbies and outside interests while nurturing the relationship. A personally fulfilled person can be more open, giving and loving to their partner than one who has lost their identity. The relationship is where they come together to share their friendship, intimacy, struggles, mutual friends, hopes dreams, meals and bills.” – Lisa Brookes Kift, Marriage and Family Therapist, Author

It’s exciting to discover what you can do differently to create more balance. Often it involves increased awareness, better communication and behavioral change. Both must come to a relationship whole and balanced if there is a chance to have a happy, fulfilling and loving relationship.

Spend more quality time on the things that really matter to both of you. Often people have expectations of themselves that are unreasonable given the amount of time they actually have to devote to something. Perhaps it’s time to honestly assess what is most important to you and devote more time to it.

When there is imbalance between the partners your relationship will be unstable and unpredictable. That just causes more confusion than already exists. Relationships have their ups and downs.

You may become concerned that your partner doesn’t love you. A word of warning: Never allow your relationship to get in “panic mode.” To do so causes people to get desperate. Desperate people do desperate things.

A balanced life doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, you have to grow into a balanced life. It’s who you have to become in order to create a balanced life that actually balances your life. Think about that. It means being honest with yourself and others, it means setting boundaries, it means asking for what you want, it means making the hard decisions and doing whatever it takes to honor the limited resources of your time and energy. When you regard your life like the most precious miraculous gift it is and you honor yourself in all areas of your life, your life will flow in balance like the air you breathe. – Nanice Ellis

If you leave unbalance untended in your relationship, it is more likely to get worse than to get better. When we really look at balance there really are only two aspects of it – what we give and what we receive. Everything in our lives fit into these two categories. The problem is that many of us get out of balance by never allowing ourselves to receive as much as we give. Do I hear an, “Amen!”

Partners can reclaim balance. You can begin with balancing your head with your heart. In your heart you know what is right. If you listen to your head, you may become more confused. Become very clear about what you need in your relationship. In other words – what’s missing? Next, do not have any undelivered communication with your partner about what you need.

Love of self dictates that individuals invest in their own emotional health and welfare “first” before coming into relationships expecting their partners to fix them or to make them whole. By the same token, one cannot go into a relationship expecting to fix what is wrong in someone else; that is their job and theirs alone.

All we can do is provide loving support to those we love when they are working to heal themselves. It is impossible to change anyone but ourselves and some of us are not doing too good a job at that. It’s all about love – love of self first – which dictates that we deserve to be with someone who respects, honors and appreciates us and is fully capable of committing to and loving another completely.

Be willing to end or change relationships that don’t support you. If it is not possible to create balance in that relationship, perhaps it’s time to move on.

Most important. . . Love yourself more than anything. Once you love and honor yourself the choices you make will help you support a life more in balance.

Bonus Article: Read, “How to Tell When Your Relationship is Out of Balance.”

Larry James helps people fit the pieces of the relationship puzzle together in a healthy way!


Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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