Larry James' BLOG

Friday, March 26, 2010

Who is Your Best Friend?

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 6:00 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

Raise your hand if you think the answer is your partner or someone else! WRONG!

It is no surprise that most people do not seriously regard themselves as a friend and will name other people without ever considering themselves to be their own best friend.

If the one you see in the mirror every morning is not your very best friend, you have some work to do.

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Some people are their own worst enemy. We are often especially hard on ourselves, reserving the harshest of criticisms and the highest demands upon ourselves.

You must be your own best friend. However when some people look within, they don’t like what they see. Their disappointment in themselves and their self-hate may be masked by habits of compulsive perfectionism, criticism of self and others or escape into alcohol, sex, drugs, TV, etc.

It’s time to begin to take better care of yourself. Accept your strengths and your weaknesses. Never try to be someone you think someone else thinks you should be. Be true to yourself. Be proud of who you are. Pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings, and do what seems right for you.

You need to feel the kind of love for yourself that you feel toward people whom you love as friends. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and reward yourself when you do the right thing.

Never put yourself down. Never call yourself names, like stupid, Idiot, jerk, dumb @#$%!, etc. Never criticize yourself. In other words, no negative self-talk. None! Learn to control your self-talk. When you slip up, catch yourself. Take a deep breath, and change your tune to, “Everybody makes mistakes.” “I deserve it.” “How I am is good enough for me.”

Be gentle with yourself. If you will not be your own unconditional friend, who will be? If you are playing an opponent and you are also opposing yourself – you are going to be outnumbered. – Dan Millman

You have to set yourself free from the “need” for approval from others. Learning to love yourself means to let go of the bits and pieces that you dislike about yourself. Our own insecurities stop us from us becoming the kind of partner you need to be to have the relationship be a healthy one.

love wagonSo what’s the point of all this?

If you don’t have a sincere love for yourself, how can you give love to someone else. You can’t deliver from an empty wagon!

So many people fall in love, get married and wonder why the marriage isn’t working. Two broken people can’t fix each other. You only have the choice to fix yourself! AND to begin, you have to acknowledge the problem. Broken people seem to attract each other because they can relate to, “Something is missing in this relationship!” The opposite is also true!

Love yourself first! Then you can be your partner’s very best friend!

Marriage is not the problem. When your self-image is low and you date or marry someone because you feel that you need a best friend to complete you, you are making the problem even bigger. Someone else will not make you happy. You make you happy. Happiness is only and always a choice!

When you can be alone and not be lonely love will find you. When you love yourself, you go beyond the barriers of loneliness.

Instead of the search for finding someone having similar qualities like you, you have more fun when you enjoy yourself alone. Most people find this hard to believe, however you benefit from yourself and you come to find yourself having a great deal of self-esteem no matter where you are or what you have or what you are doing.

Ever notice how easy it is to give others the benefit of the doubt, or to let them off the hook when they disappoint us… but when it comes to cutting ourselves some slack and being our own best friend, it is so difficult?! Why is that?! Don’t we realize that if others can accept and love us, if God can accept and… love us, then why do we judge ourselves so much more harshly? – Cheryl Ries

Why not try being your own best friend? Give yourself a hug. Treat yourself as well as you would treat your best friend. When you do you are not dependent on others for your self-esteem. You are not always looking outside of yourself for your own happiness and success. People will be drawn to you because you have a vibration of being content. Happiness will find you. And so will Love!

Be who you are. Love who you are. Trust who you are. Believe in who you are. If you find that hard, look for a coach or someone who can believe in you until you do. Be your own best friend.

So. . . we must never stray from the path of self-discovery! We must always know where we stand with ourselves. The only way you can do this is to be attentive to, and intentional about having the best relationship with yourself that is humanly possible. This means you must always work on YOU first.

When you are ready. . . a relationship with someone else will be there; you will find each other.

It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others. – Unknown (Contributed by Jennifer Scott)

Can you imagine? Two, whole, healthy people. . . together. Each feeling good about themselves; loving themselves and sharing that love with each other.

Can you imagine? BOTH love partners working on the relationship they have with each other and supporting each other in their own personal growth!

If you believe it, really believe it, and make sure you are always doing the best you can to cause it to be this way. . . anything is possible.

Believe in yourself and all that you are. There is no other like you.

This is it!

Don’t waste time!


Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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