Larry James' BLOG

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Don’t Back Off in the Curves

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 6:00 am
Tags: , , , ,

When issues come up in your relationship, it’s one thing to shut down and remain quiet (I call this “undelivered communication”) and quite another to have the courage to let some time pass, cool down, and bring the issue up and talk about it in the most loving way you can.

When you don’t speak up and talk about the things that are important to your relationship, you deprive your partner of knowing exactly how you feel. Often we withhold what we know really needs to be said and by doing so, we temporarily shut down communications in the relationship. Trust is the foundation of all healthy love relationships. There can be no trust without conversation; no genuine intimacy without trust.

The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It’s the things we don’t communicate because the last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner doesn’t take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it’s not about the garbage.

One of the secrets to having healthy love relationships is to never be afraid to openly and honestly discuss whatever is relevant to the success of the relationship. Never put your relationship on hold just because you are afraid of how your partner might react if you bring up something that really needs to be talked about.

curvesMy friend, Jerry Story, said it this way: “How do you win the race? Don’t back off in the curves! Full steam ahead. Watch my smoke!”

Just because you you come to a bump in the road and spin-out temporarily in your relationship is no reason to stop and do nothing. Keep moving forward. Don’t back off in the curves. Speak up. Say what you need to say and talk about it in the most loving way you can.

Make a promise to each other to talk about anything and everything, all the time. Never leave any communication unsaid!

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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