Larry James' BLOG

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Change Your Thinking. . .

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 8:00 am
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When your relationship begins to stray off course it’s time to pay attention. A problem occurs when there is a difference between what “should be” and what “is.”

The first realization that something is not as you want it to be is an important first step, but once you have identified the problem, the faster you are able to turn your attention in the direction of a solution, the better.

The ability to reason and find solutions gets lost in the fruitless attempts to continue to explore the problem. This will prevent you from finding the a quick solution.

Quickly identify the problem, then change your thinking to find a solution and take corrective action. It can be extremely difficult to focus on the good when, seemingly, bad things are happening in your relationship.

Sometimes it is wise to “sleep on it!” Sleep is one of the most essential qualities to restore balance in your life and your relationship. Take a “time-out!” Do something different. Routine can become boring. Life cannot be fun or exciting if your relationship is always the same old thing.

Your partner’s perception of the relationship most likely will be different than yours. Everyone’s reality is different. You would be smart to discuss the situation to see where you both stand. Next, see if you both can begin to explore mutually beneficial ways to come to a conclusion.

It is never enough to just change your thinking. You must also adjust your behavior. Shift your focus. Step back from the problem rather than get trapped in its intricate webs. Work together to do what needs to be done.

Read, “Take a Time-out.”

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Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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