For you to achieve what you desire in a love relationship, both love partners must have similar levels of commitment. Each must honor a promise of mutual commitment to the other, a commitment to participate in life fully together.
This does not mean that you must have identical commitments. It means that for a healthy love relationship to thrive and survive, each love partner must support the other in their own individual commitments in addition to their commitment to each other as a team. She is committed to something and he supports her. He is committed to something and she supports him.
When true love is present, commitments arise naturally. They expand our capacity to love.
The commitment that supports a healthy partnership is the commitment each has to the other to always be working on the relationship, a commitment to always be in a dance with one another, showering each other with compassion and understanding.
Commitment is nurtured by compassion and understanding.
If you care to move past commitment. . . try surrender. Surrender is one step beyond commitment.
Surrender does not mean placing yourself at the mercy of someone else. To me, surrender is the ultimate commitment to unconditional love; it is surrendering to the process, not to your love partner. Having surrender present in your love relationship means having a devotion to keeping the fire of your love burning. . . for each other.
It is possible to give yourself fully to the relationship without losing your sense of self in the relationship. It empowers each of you when both love partners are willing to surrender to the moment, to those tender moments when you are unconditionally loving the one you are with. It promotes freedom of full self-expression.
You both must trust one another enough to allow each other the freedom to speak words of truth straight from the heart. Open, honest communication is just one of the many keys to a healthy love relationship.
Add to commitment a decision for action. That’s when the adventure begins. If you only always know what you are committed to and never totally support each other in your commitments, you may rediscover the same ordinary relationship you may have experienced in the past. How boring!
Why not go for extraordinary? Or, if you are truly adventurous, go for outrageous! That is anything but boring.
Commitment plus action provides the momentum that can produce extraordinary results! It’s doing what can be done to make a difference for each other. . . and having a commitment to do it together. Even when it feels like you don’t want to.
Especially when you don’t feel like it.
Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.
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