Only one thing activates, then converts the negative energy of anger into positive energy. . . intention. The intention must be to do something different; something that works.
Don’t wallow in anger. The wise thing to do is to be present to our anger; acknowledge it. Create a new intention to move through it.
When you discover that what you have been doing isn’t working, the only logical thing to do is to do something different. We must never allow anger to use us. Use its energy to move us to the other side. There we will find only love.
We are talking about change. Yes, it is uncomfortable to change. You must decide which is the most uncomfortable. The same energy you expend on anger, when re-directed, can help free you of the negative emotions you feel when you are angry.
Anger is something that can hurt if expressed with the intention to get even. Never inflict your feelings of anger on the ones you love most. When you feel a disagreement coming on, think twice before you speak. Angry words, once spoken, reverberate like bells in a cathedral steeple. Remember, you can’t un-ring a bell.
Think before you speak. Words create. They either build up or tear down. Speak only words of forgiveness, appreciation, understanding and love.
Freeing yourself of these negative emotions is something you do. It is never dependent upon whomever or whatever you think is the cause of your anger.
Simmer Down. Manage your anger. If you have a complaint, only raise it when you are not feeling angry about it. As best you can, speak with loving words and keep it short and to the point. Don’t lecture.
Keep your examples current. Never use past hurts to illustrate current gripes. It only opens up old wounds and causes your partner to feel that they can never stop paying for past mistakes.
Avoid words like, “never” and “always” or things like, “You’re just like your mother/father!” This only pushes your partner’s panic buttons and escalates the disagreement.
When your partner expresses a complaint/grievance/criticism, rather than argue the point, listen non-defensively. Rather than counter attack, search for some small part with which you can agree, and acknowledge it.
If an apology is called for, offer it. Listening non-defensively can put a damper on an argument expeditiously. Now. . . you can work on a solution together.
Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.
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