Larry James' BLOG

Thursday, September 24, 2009

For Singles Only

It could be said that one of the signs you may be ready for a committed relationship is when you reach a point where you’ve found someone you love and want to be with, yet you experience a feeling of hesitancy to relinquish the freedom you have also learned to love.

It is the solitude of single life; a place where you learned to love who you are and be comfortable with that. It is proof that you know about discipline.

You must first learn to be alone and not be lonely. Once the lesson is learned, you “may” be ready to take the next step. Never rush into another relationship. Yearning for a relationship when you are lonely is not a good reason to seek it. That only means that you are not yet ready; that you need to spend some more time by yourself.

Important: You must first learn to be alone and not be lonely.

To allow yourself a time of healing, a time to get to know you, is a wonderful gift; the same gift of love that now presents the challenge to step into the future, without holding on to the past. It is the first step you take while you are still afraid.

It requires letting go of the need to be in a relationship and mastering the fear that keeps you from taking the first step to the next relationship; the singles’ rite of passage.

The reluctance to experience this ritual may come from a lack of conversations that construct the mutual commitment necessary to honor each other’s right to be alone while you are together.

A new freedom waits to be discovered; the freedom to be who you really are with the one you love.


Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

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  1. Keep up the great writing. I also agree with the comment above mine from Ken.
    Peace, Rhonda

    Comment by Rhonda Grace — Wednesday, October 14, 2009 @ 12:38 am | Reply

  2. This is all absolutely true. I think it is also important to spend a lot more time looking at what you want and need from your future spouse than it is to look for the future spouse. If you have a clear understanding of what make a great husband or wife, your less likely to settle for anybody just to have somebody.

    I have started a new blog on how men can better love their wives. I think it would be great for women to take a look and see what a great man really is and to learn to not settle for anything less.

    I hope you all will take a look when you have a minute. I would appreciate your thoughts and feedback.


    Comment by Ken Kendall — Thursday, September 24, 2009 @ 11:29 am | Reply

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