Larry James' BLOG

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Pick-up Lines. Boo! Hiss!

In my coaching sessions with single women I’ve learned that “pick-up” lines don’t work and tend to put distance between you and the one you are trying to impress. Pick-up lines are the most ridiculous notion for proper dating etiquette. They are cheesy, corny and flat don’t impress anyone, especially women. They are the least most successful dating approach method.

Women often get complimented and flattered a lot. When a guy approaches them and is engaging and entertaining, women tell me that it’s like a breath of fresh air.

Thinking of hitting on that cute thing at the end of the bar? Think before you speak! Women are intelligent and pick-up lines are not.

“What’s your sign?” Beeeeeeeeeep!!! Wrong question. Lines like that expired years ago. They are gimmicks at best. If a women laughs as something like that, she is usually laughing “at” you. Most pick-up lines are just plain lame and erode your confidence.

One women told me that “if he is genuine and doesn’t bore or offend me when talking to him, I give him a chance – simple as that.” Women are interested in dating guys that are mature and honest and not given to being disingenuous.

A women will either like you or not in the first few seconds of hearing what you have to say. So, make it something good. Try just being yourself. Be subtle. Use your sense of humor if you have one, but don’t overdo it.

Be your own fun-loving authentic self. You don’t need phony lines to get a woman’s attention. You will catch a woman’s eye more quickly when you approach her with authentic self-confidence and honesty, allowing your true self to shine through.

Most men find looking directly into the eyes of a beautiful woman with a warm friendly smile, while maintaining their cool to be difficult. Some become tongue-tied.

Women tell me that they like guys who say what they truly think and feel. Feelings!! I have to share my feelings?? Yes, you do. Don’t get to “touchy – feely.” Women just need to know that you have feelings, so let them show.

Can’t think of anything to say to begin the conversation? Ask them about something you know they love. “I really like that fragrance you’re wearing.” Offer a sincere compliment. Be genuine about your observation. “I couldn’t help noticing you, and wanted to introduce myself.” These are introductory ice-breakers, not pick-up lines. The objective is to create a conversation starter that best reveals your interest and your intent.

Men must never underestimate the power of simple conversation. You need to make a memorable first impression. You may not get a second chance.

There is nothing much fresher than a smile and a simple hello. If you see her at the same place often, tell her you’ve seen her here before and ask if she comes here often. To let her know you are interested, let her know that perhaps sometime soon you will run into each other again and you might like to buy her a latte, coffee, drink, etc. Then walk away. You have just made an open invitation.

Let her be the one to accept or reject it. She gets to decide if she chooses to run into you again.

Pesky guys are a nuisance and are annoying.

If at first you don’t succeed, silently say to yourself, “Next!” and keep moving forward.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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1 Comment »

  1. nice post 🙂

    Comment by מעיין — Monday, January 18, 2010 @ 2:47 pm | Reply

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