Larry James' BLOG

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Few Words About Words

Filed under: Communication,Relationships — Larry James @ 12:01 am

I have an uncle who is currently in a nursing home. Yesterday, I received a long distance call that his very expensive Bengal cat died. He will be so lonely without him.

On the way to run a few errands I drove by a bad accident. It was obvious that someone was critically injured. I temporarily forgot I was driving and momentarily closed my eyes to say a quick prayer and ran off the road and hit a tree.

When I called my office for help, there was a message on the phone for everyone to hear, which said that my wife wanted a divorce and she would be staying at the Hilton.

wordsNone of this really happened. I made it all up.

Now, I want you to take a moment and study the wide variety of emotions you may have experienced while I was telling my fictional tale.

If you are human, you probably had some judgments, good and bad, about what was going on with me. You may have felt happiness, confusion, sadness, joy, sorrow, love and more.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Words help conjure up all kinds of feelings and emotions. They cause you to experience what’s really going on inside of you.

We say what we say and our partner hears what they hear. Often, it’s not the same thing.

When people get their own way with others, they do it with words; they want others to agree with their point of view, give them what they want, do what they ask and buy what they are selling.

Words can heal and they can be a relationship wrecker. Some words are fighting words. This enormous power is in the meaning of the words, what they mean to the person who hears them. Many words sound alike but mean different things.

Seek to understand. It’s slightly frustrating because we may never get there. Some partners ramble on not saying what they mean or meaning what they say. . . just uttering random words out of frustration.

Mark my word, the ability to understand the words our partner speaks suggests the ability to seize images of those words and the power behind them.

Be careful of the words you speak and the manner in which you respond. Avoid buzzwords and jargon. Never gossip. Root out the words that ruin. Some words are wise words. Some are weasel words. They attempt to avoid taking responsibility. Learn to make extremely good points with very few words. Don’t be cryptic. Some words are confusing. Be clear. Use words that encourage.

You can play with words, but be sure you mean what you say. Hold yourself accountable for the words you speak, otherwise you may have to eat your words. Always remember, those three little words, “I love you!” are important to say out loud at least once each day to your partner.

In other words. . . We need to make ourselves listen more intently to what our partner is really saying and withhold our judgments by allowing our partner to fully express themselves.

Take care to not have the words you speak become “famous last words!”

Your comments are always welcome!

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. –

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


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