The most hotly contested battlefield in the gender wars may not necessarily be in the bedroom. It may be the bathroom. The seat-up vs. seat-down debate rages on and some interpret this as a sign of male insensitivity and overall cloddishness.
Although it doesn’t rate up there with the unisex restroom in the Ally McBeal television show, the signage for the toilets at one Phoenix, Arizona advertising-public relations firm is an eye-catcher.
Instead of the plain old “Men” and “Women” on the politically correct male and female door signs, the restrooms entries at Cramer-Krasselt are adorned with tasteful, nearly look-alike 3-inch square photos of a toilet. There is one difference — one has the seat up and the other has the seat down.
Is someone trying to tell us something?
Come on, guys! Maybe it’s time to be a little more considerate. Like paying attention to the little things.
As a professional speaker, I lead seminars on personal relationships. In our discussions of “paying attention to the little things,” taking the garbage out, leaving the toilet seat up and rolling the toilet paper the wrong way (among other things) seem to almost always creep into the conversation.
Although we may laugh at such trivial things, the truth is, it is important to our partners to do the little things consistently. It shows them we value and respect them.
Inventor, Tim Seniuk has the perfect solution to the “leaving the toilet seat up” problem. He has invented a toilet seat that goes down automatically after about two minutes. This $37 investment could save your marriage! (Note: No longer available in the U.S.)
You will never again have to worry about experiencing the “porcelain splash” in the middle of the night! 😉
Indifference is like water to a fire. The flame of love grows dim with indifference to your partner’s needs. By far the most common and important way in which you can exercise your attention to your partner is by listening. Listening is an act of love.
Women can often tell a man’s interest in them by the length of his attention span. It’s one thing to pay attention and quite another to acknowledge her request and then remember to do it more than once without having to be reminded. She is not your mother.
It is unreasonable, and a breach of trust, to deny your lover’s report of her feelings. When she expresses a need, it’s your responsibility to do what you can to fulfill that need. Partners who love each other make this a priority.
Being attentive to your love partner’s needs, regardless of what importance you may place on them, will support things going well in and out of the bedroom. Think about it.
Make a list of things you know that pleases your partner and remember do them consistently. Where is it written that a man should have only one job and a woman two? Housework is not just the woman’s job!
If you feel that it is solely her responsibility to go about cleaning the house, paying the bills, taking care of the children, feeding the pets, emptying the trash, washing the clothes, vacuuming the carpet, getting the groceries, planning and cooking your dinner, all with great gusto, you are dead wrong!
For a relationship to work, BOTH partners must give 100% all the time! It’s never easy and it’s possible. Taking care of what needs to be taken care of is a SHARED responsibility. Relationship enrichment can only occur when both partners work together.
Reach agreement about taking out the garbage, which way the toilet paper should roll; in or out and putting the toilet seat down after you have completed your bathroom task and all the other helpful things you can do. Have them be random acts of thoughtfulness.
By the way, here’s a frivolous fact: According to a 1999 survey by the Scott Paper Company, more than sixty percent prefer that their toilet paper roll over the top, twenty nine percent from the bottom. Eleven percent don’t care. We thought you should know.
Intentionally add a little pizzazz to your love relationship. Do it in playful ways. Exercise your sense of humor. It enlivens your spirit, breeds happiness and causes you and the one you love to experience fully the love you feel for one another.
Leave a note on the toilet seat (after you’ve put it down) that says, “I put the seat down because I love you, not because I should,” and add a smiley face. Do things that make each other smile. Smiles and knowing nods from your lover create a sense of unity that adds longevity to your relationship.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. So, maybe it’s time to make the best use of your time to show your partner that you are sensitive to the little things.
And one more thing. If you leave sprinkles on the seat. . . wipe them off! 😉
I encourage the men in my seminars to use their bathroom experience as an opportunity to ponder the thought that. . .
“Foreplay begins with putting the toilet seat down without being asked!”
Some final advice to women. . . Lest you unwittingly place your bottom directly on the porcelain, “Look before you sit!” Perhaps some of these days us guys will comprehend the complexity and significance of this relationship problem.
Copyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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