Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, November 13, 2008

LoveNote for Men Only!

LoveNote. . . For Men Only ~ It is difficult to understand and correctly interpret what someone is feeling when no one is talking. This is often a great challenge for women when suddenly their man shuts down and ceases to communicate. This strategy seldom works for the good of the relationship. Women usually communicate their feelings with words. It is wise for a man to learn that to be understood; silence is not golden.

With communicated agreements about how and when you can express yourself, and an understanding between love partners about listening without contradiction, being vulnerable becomes easier. When love is present in your relationship, it is easier to risk saying what you need to say.

Words, carefully chosen, spoken aloud, are the only way for a woman to know what is in your heart. Learning to express yourself aloud is one thing, the feelings behind how you express these words are what counts. Your love partner must feel the love behind the words. – Larry James

Copyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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2 Comments »

  1. My partner of 11yrs, refuses to communicate with me.(We have two daughter’s,8&3).My partner is 10yrs younger than me, however I have no doubt that things would be no different were I to be younger than him.I have tried to get my partner to go to counseling to help us communicate more effectively, he went once and refused to go back.(That was 3yrs into the relationship).I asked him if he would go through a couple’s communication self-help book with me.He said buy it.When I did and showed it to him, he refused to do it.(That was 4yrs in).Anytime I try to talk to him, he continues to stare at the television, and simply “tunes” me out.If I ask him to shut off the tv,he will, but then goes on the computer.Any kind of communication other than “skimming the surface” with him, is met with complete avoidance on his part.I realize his father was the same way with his mother.As well,when he was a child, his opinions/communication were completely undermined and undervalued by his father.Emotions were something that should be suppressed, not spoken about.Trucks/Work/Sports is all that he talks to his father about,as well as to me about.Now, whenever I am on the computer, (which I do as a form of my only communication with friends I have recently found after many years apart and who live quite far from me now) my partner becomes angry at me.If my partner refuses to communicate with me,after 11yrs of being together,I see no reason any further to allow his stone-walling me at my every suggestion of communicating with him.He is destroying our relationship.I honestly don’t know if I can stay, or should stay in this relationship any further, if my partner continues to refuse to communicate with me effectively.I do not want a partner who not only refuses to communicate with me, but will also refuse to communicate with our two daughter’s, as they grow older.I know he feels that as long as we aren’t arguing, then our relationship is doing “okay”.His stone-walling me is a way of avoiding any kind of uncomfortable feelings which may arise in him, in the slightest conflict of agreement we may have.I don’t know how to get my partner to communicate with me anymore.

    Comment by C.C. — Thursday, November 27, 2008 @ 10:55 pm | Reply

    • cccc4@shaw.ca – This is unfortunate. He must feel miserable and very angry. I am so sorry for your dilemma. It is never an easy one to work through.

      Your daughters are growing up without a father. A husband who refuses to communicate is no husband at all. When he doesn’t communicate, let him know how this disappoints you and the children. When he does, be sure to acknowledge him for that and tell him how that causes you to feel.

      Since he refuses any kind of help. . . get help for yourself. Seek out sources that can assist you will dealing with a husband who won’t talk. Perhaps a women’s support group would help. Get coaching. Give your children extra attention. Let them know their father loves them. Read, “Communicating is Not Optional
      How to Listen So Your Partner Will Talk
      .” You may get some ideas there. Some people leave a relationship when they are no longer getting what they need from it. That may be something that you may need to consider in the future. – Larry James

      Comment by Larry James — Tuesday, December 23, 2008 @ 11:27 am | Reply


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