Larry James' BLOG

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Me Change? Yuk!!

Filed under: Change,Relationships — Larry James @ 11:03 am

Changing how you feel about your relationship begins with changing how you think!

Someone once said, “change your thinking and you will change your life.” I couldn’t agree more. However, there is one more thing you must do. That is to also change your behavior. Changing your attitude about the situation is part of changing your behavior. Without changing your behavior and your attitude, changing your thinking won’t matter.

Look at your behavior and your attitude to see if they are contributing to the well being of the relationship or detracting from it. Is your attitude about it building obstacles or creating space for a healthy love relationship to thrive? You always have choice.

Remember, relationship problems are shared problems. It is rarely ever only one person’s fault. A question you might ask yourself is: “What am I doing that contributes to me seeing this as a problem?” Next, decide to change your thinking about the problem or your partner. Then begin to change your behavior about how you react to whatever you perceive the problem to be.

When what you are doing isn’t working, you must decide to do something different – to make a change. And the sooner, the better. Seldom does anything improve from neglect. Stay open to the possibility that doing “something different” might work. It most likely will be something you’ve never tried before or that won’t make sense until you try it. That might be a little scary and you have to take the first step while you are still afraid.

What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Want more of the problem? Keep thinking about it instead of seeking mutually beneficial solutions to it and refuse to change “YOUR” behavior. Rather than looking outside for the source of your problems, look inside for the source of your solutions.

It’s not easy. And, you can do it.

When you dwell on the problem, a solution to it will not appear to you. There is usually more than one solution to every problem. Problems do not go away by themselves. People solve problems.

Obviously if you have a partner who is willing to work with you to get your relationship back on track. . . that’s ideal. But what do you do when your partner doesn’t acknowledge that there is a problem?

You must decide to focus your attention on working on you; getting back in touch with who you are. With a major behavior and attitude adjustment, you will begin to feel better about yourself and stop blaming your partner for the problem.

Remember, changing how you feel about your relationship, begins with changing how you think!

loveoneanotherCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2007 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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  3. Dear Larry,
    I agree with your statement above.
    However, I wonder about the execution.
    Here are a few questions. May I ask?
    1. When a person is in a long relationship, has given too much and put herself and her needs on the back burner, how could she know what she really wants? Isn`t that a usual problem amongs women who dedicated their lives to husband and children?
    2. Reading your writing, what is True Love for you?
    3. “Changing how you think about your relationsship” Could that not quickly lead to looking at the rational facts of your relationships and than walk out?

    Comment by Anja — Tuesday, October 31, 2006 @ 12:12 am | Reply

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