Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Monday, July 18, 2005

No One Can Hurt You

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 2:09 am

Let’s explore the thought that no one can cause anyone pain unless the person who the hurt is focused upon chooses to feel pain. We are not talking about burying your hurt or suppressing your feelings. To do so would be extremely unhealthy.

There are two points to be made. One, no one can hurt you and, number two, you can choose to feel hurt. It is only and always your choice.

If you feel hurt, then experience the pain for a moment, then get on with what’s next.

No one can hurt you. You can look at this from several points of view. One view says, “Na na na na na, You can’t hurt me!” or in other words, “I am so angry at you, I could spit and I don’t want you to know that it hurts!” Or, number two, you could say, “Feeling hurt is an individual decision. It’s a choice. I choose to be in control of my feelings.”

No one can hurt you means, no matter what you do or what you say, I will interpret it however I choose, and will allow myself to feel pain for as long as I thinks it serves me, then I will get on with my life.

I may choose to feel hurt and I am clear that you are not the one who is inflicting the pain. . . I am. This is by far the more mature way to handle the hurt – to be with the hurt. This new thought is, in the beginning, difficult for some to understand. Some reject the idea totally. This is a mistake. To acknowledge this truth and to live your life by it can open up new opportunities for you to contribute to others.

No one can hurt you does not mean that when someone says or does something that is hurtful, you will not feel pain. It simply means that you have accepted that your responsibility in the matter is to choose to feel pain or not to feel pain.

Let’s be honest. When someone says or does something hurtful we most often choose to feel hurt. It doesn’t have to be that way. And it is okay to express how you feel. It is not healthy to stay stuck with the hurt.

Choosing to feel hurt; to dwell on the pain; to go to the extreme of inviting guests to your “pity party” is an unhealthy attitude. In other words, telling everyone you meet about your hurt only prolongs the agony. It will forever keep you stuck.

No one can hurt you only means – “you can’t hurt me.” Only I can choose to feel the pain. When someone says something that I interpret as hurtful and I feel hurt, it does not mean that they hurt me. It only means that when they said what they said, I heard what I heard and made the choice to notice the hurt and let it in for a moment. Notice the emphasis is on “I.” Also notice the word: “Choice!”

We hear things the way they are to us based upon our past. If we think someone can hurt us . . . we are right! And we choose to feel pain. If, on the other hand, we believe that no one can hurt us. . . we are right! And we may or may not choose to feel pain. Feeling hurt by someone’s deeds or unkind words is only always a matter of individual choice.

You can’t get my goat if you don’t know where it’s tied up!

Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. Adapted from the book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.

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