Larry James' BLOG

Friday, February 18, 2005

Do What Works!

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 1:55 am

Practicing a relationship technique does not make the relationship perfect, it only makes it better. It is important to know the right techniques to practice with in order to be sure you stay on track.

If a golfer continues to practice the wrong golf swing, without lessons, he will only get better at doing the wrong thing better.

It is also important to be coachable; to be open to learning new ways of being in relationships. To continue to do what isn’t working is stupid. Perhaps true wisdom is not only possessing knowledge, but knowing who to ask; someone who has been there, done that and what they were doing works.

Don’t try harder. Learn to do better. Test new ideas. Reinvent yourself. Change your behavior and you will change the relationship. Change your attitude and see what happens.

For example, if your partner is dumping the results of their bad day on you, the attitude with which you listen will make a difference. Instead of hearing it as a complaint, hear it as a cry for a committed listener; someone who will only listen to what they are saying instead of feeling that you are responsible for offering a solution to fix the problem.

Working on our relationship; paying attention to the little things and putting forth extra effort all are admirable unless you are using the wrong tool. To use an aviation term – flying blind; using no tools and hoping it works out. Persistence on this level is stupidity in action.

Persistence is good only when you are doing the right things. If something doesn’t work, change directions. Be flexible.

Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. Adapted from the book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.

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