Larry James' BLOG

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Relationships Require Attention

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 5:33 pm

Relationships Require Attention – Every Day and Every Minute! All there is, is relationships! Relationships are about how we relate; with ourselves; with people; with our love partner; with the predicaments we find ourselves in; with our boss; with everything!

How we do that, can inspire a lifetime of love and passion or a lifetime of regret for not having lived life to its fullest in our relationships . Great relationships with others begin with having a great relationship with ourselves. This must be foremost in our minds, every day and every minute.

It begins with you. Make yourself better than you ever thought you could be and you will find the relationship you have with your love partner getting better. This works especially well when two people are focusing on working on themselves; together. Then, the relationship you have with the one you love can only grow and prosper.

Only selfish people think only of themselves. When you really love yourself you cannot help but want to give some of your love away. Other people have a need to be loved. So do you. People are like that.

Like attracts like. What you become you attract. Want a great love partner? Become a great love partner! Work on this one. Sharing love with someone else must only and always begin with you. Learn to relate to yourself better. What make you tick? What makes your relationships tick? Answer these questions truthfully and you may discover yourself and a better relationship.

Relationships, when we pay attention to them, are a request for us to be our personal best. Relationships, especially with someone we love and love to pay attention to, begin us on a personal quest, not only for answers but for questions. You are on the threshold of adventure. . . a journey of self-discovery. You may begin to understand why successful love relationships are something to which we must give our undivided attention.

Put yourself first! Never give yourself away in a relationship to the point that you put others before yourself.

Decide what is acceptable and what is unacceptable to you; to your relationship with others and to your relationship with your love partner.

Be yourself. Remember, like attracts like. Be someone who attracts the kind of people you really love to be with! Be the best you can be. Always. Every day and every minute. Plan on good stuff happening in your life and the life you have with the one you’re with and watch what happens!

There are some people we don’t get along with very well. You know, the ones who, if they would only change, you would really love to be with. Well, the bad news is. . . they are you! It’s true. What you see in others, whether you like it or not, whether it is good or bad, is a reflection of something in you that needs attention and perhaps healing in yourself.

What you perceive in others you only strengthen that same characteristic in yourself. The next time this happens, stop, take a breath, step back and notice that this is when you are being the old you and not being the best you can be.

Do you know how to change that? It simple! Do something different. Change your thinking, then change your behavior and you change your life. Change your ‘not so great’ relationship behavior and you change your relationships. Almost always for the better.

I say, “almost,” because your love partner and you, both have choice about whether you will change; for the good; for the worse or just maintain. When you really love someone, you feel a need to move forward, to bigger and better things. . . together.

When you know what it is that you have to do to make your life and your relationships better, and you don’t do it, just know that there can be no good reason for not doing it. I dare you to make people try to believe that you have a good reason, without having them look at you funny. That funny look may mean they think you are full of it.

When you change your attitude about another person, a situation or whatever it is, you give power to the other person or situation to change. It’s giving freedom. You can only grant this freedom if you have it to give away. Then, they have choice about whether they change, or not, and you may also have some new choices to consider. Those choices can always lead you to something better when you decide that is what you want for your relationship.

Just because you know this doesn’t mean anything. Something can never really mean anything until you do something with it. We must do something – whatever it takes – to make our relationships the relationships we love being in. We must always carefully consider what action to take.

Every choice has a consequence; some we call good, some we call not so good. Action without thought is only thoughtless action. Relationships are individual projects first and mutually beneficial projects second and they take our constant attention; every day and every minute.

Knowing this does not mean your relationships will always be great either. You have choice. The dilemma is this: there are two people. That means there are two choices. Not to say anything about the multitude of choices that each of you have. Each love partner is only and always responsible for their own choice.

It is when we forget this that the problem begins. We expect our love partner to make the best choices and when they are not our choices, we get disappointed and most people call that a problem.

The fact that all there is, is relationships, should, every day and every minute, find us being the best we can be. Relationships is the one thing that everyone can relate to. It is often the last thing we work on until the mountain is so high we can both hardly climb it. I have a question. If we know this, for what good reason don’t we work most on what counts the most; the relationships we have with with ourself and others?

We use reasons to explain away why we don’t want to do something; reasons why we don’t want to change. If we know that doing something different might help the situation, not doing something different is called “stupid.” The best reason why has never solved the problem. Often reasons why are understandable, however what is not understandable is why we feel the need to have our lives dominated by reasons why we didn’t do something different instead of results.

When we make the decision to go for results in our love relationships, that’s the real moment we make a decision to grow and prosper, both personally and professionally. We turn our back on childishness. The decision to allow growth to occur is when we become clear that results are more important than reasons why we don’t have them. And. . . when we really love ourselves and the one we’re with, why would we not want to always focus on results in our relationships?

Explore ways of being that empower your relationship. . . explore and discover them together. . . every day and every minute.

Copyright © 2005 – 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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