Relationships never end. Death, divorce or separation only changes them. As long as you have memory, you will always be related. We can recognize and acknowledge when a relationship is over or complete, however, relationships never end. The relationship only becomes different. . . it never ends.
Neil Sedaka was right, “Breaking up is hard to do!”
When a relationship is complete, you can count on pain showing up. The pain can almost be overwhelming and we all experience it differently. The pain of a changing relationship often shows up as many different feelings.
We may experience “denial” and disbelief that this is happening to us. Most people will be “angry” and enraged at their partner for disrupting their world.
“Fear” is another common feeling. We fear that we may never love again or that we cannot live without our partner. The intensity of our fear frightens us.
We “blame” ourselves or our partner for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over, saying to ourselves, “If only I had done this. If they had done that.”
We cry. “Sadness” seems to last forever. We cry some more.
If you were the one that chose to call the relationship off, you may experience “guilt.” You don’t want to hurt your partner, however you choose not to stay in a loveless or dysfunctional relationship.
Your world has shattered. Eveything has shifted from the known to the unknown. You become “confused” and disorientated. You wonder who you are. Nearly unsurmountable “doubt” overshadows almost everything.
We “bargain.” We plead with our partner to reconsider by saying, “I promise to change if you will only stay.” Or they attempt to bargain with us.
We “hope.” We ask ourselves, “Is reconciliation possible? Perhaps this is only temporary.” When reality sets in, we may hope for a new beginning; a new relationship sometime when the healing is complete.
Once the decision has been reached to tell your partner you want out, you often experience “relief.” You can finally see an end to the pain, the fighting and frustration of being in an unhealthy relationship.
All of these feelings are perfectly normal. They may feel overwhelming, however they are necessary to engage the healing process. Consider them your friends and know that they will pass, although it may not feel like it at the time.
There is life on the other side of a broken relationship. The hurt will heal AND it will take some time. Be patient with yourself.
Take plenty of time to grieve. Pay attention to you! Work on you and move on with your life.
New beginnings are exciting! They hold the possibility of getting in touch with “you” again. That’s a good thing.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Read Bruce Fisher’s book, “Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends!” The hurt CAN heal. You CAN stop hurting NOW. Reading this book will help you more fully understand your feelings following the loss of someone you love. This is absolutely the most helpful book you can read especially if you are experiencing a divorce or relationship break-up. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! Go to: http://www.CelebrateLove.com/ljbs8.htm#fisher
Read, “The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make and How to Avoid Them” – The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are mistakes that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really ARE mistakes! Evade these avoidable errors in judgment, and ALL of your relationships will work better! Go to: http://www.CelebrateLove.com/mistake.htm
Read, “How Do You Work on You?” – Often therapists, radio talk show hosts and others who provide relationship advice or coaching will tell you that in order to have a great relationship with your partner, you must first work on you. This article tells you how to begin. Go to: http://www.CelebrateLove.com/workonyou.htm
Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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