We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem; a problem we create by our expectations.
Try this: “no expectations, fewer disappointments.” It’s that simple. Not easy. Simple.
No expectations equal unconditional love. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don’t show up, we either chose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the direction of failure.
“Okay,” you say, “that’s nice, but everyone has expectations!” Perhaps.
Today’s lesson to learn is this: Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Think about it. Your most recent issue with your partner relates in some way to an expectation that you had that didn’t get fulfilled. Right?
“Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that’s too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot!” ~ Guy Finley
Instead of being consistently confused by what you “expect” from your partner (and seldom get), focus and communicate your “needs.” Most people do not do this. First, “you” must be clear about what you need from the relationship. Second, let your partner in on your little secret.
If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.
In my experience as a relationship coach, I would rate “unfulfilled expectations” as number 2 in a list of relationship problems.
What are your comments on this?
Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.
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