Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Monday, November 20, 2017

Why Do Happy People Cheat?

Filed under: affairs,Cheating — Larry James @ 10:30 am
Tags: ,

Rebuilding a relationship after trust has been shattered, begins with understanding why the affair happened. Most people would say, “Surely, there was something wrong in the relationship. Something must have been broken.”

If only it was that simple.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood.

• What are we to make of this time-honored taboo — universally forbidden yet universally practiced?
•Why do people cheat — even those in happy marriages?
*Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean?
*Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal?
*Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage?
*Is it possible to love more than one person at once?
*Can an affair ever help a marriage?

Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.

It’s easy to blame it on the partners in the relationship – the betrayed wasn’t fulfilling the needs of their spouse, or the betrayer was just selfish and narcissistic. While sometimes that is the case, sometimes it’s not.

There are people who care about their spouse or partner, have a good relationship, and also have an affair. Esther Perel, psychotherapist and best-selling author, explores this reality in her new book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.

As a preview of the book, read Esther’s article in The Atlantic, “Why Happy People Cheat.”

Copyright © 2017 ~ Relationships Work. All rights reserved.

Need a relationship extreme makeover? Phone a friend!

BONUS Articles: My Partner Cheat? Never!
Forgiveness… What’s it For?

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ comment. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Friday, November 17, 2017

Moving From Whiner to Winner

Filed under: Attitude,Change,Relationships,Video — Larry James @ 10:30 am

Landmark Forum Leader David Cunningham recently appeared on ABC TV’s Good Morning Washington to talk about complaining, at how one can take powerful actions that can make a difference with complaints.

Copyright 2017 ~ David Cunningham. https://www.landmarkforumnews.com/tag/david-cunningham/

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ comment. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Thursday, October 12, 2017

Pulling Off the Perfect Holiday Proposal

Filed under: Proposal,Relationships — Larry James @ 10:30 am
Tags: ,

HolidayProposalEMMA.png

Copyright 2017 ~ Emma Gibson. Emma Gibson is a daughter, sister, and friend. She enjoys writing about lifestyle topics, combining her professional expertise with her love for pets, weddings, and cooking! She worked along Brilliance.com for the creation of this infographic.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Monday, October 9, 2017

What Is Retroactive Jealousy?

Filed under: Jealousy,Relationships — Larry James @ 10:30 am
Tags: ,

Jeff Billings, Guest Author

My retroactive jealousy started five years ago… At around 2 a.m. my girlfriend and I were asleep in bed. Her mobile phone rang, waking us up. She took one look at who was calling and tossed it aside. A few moments later it beeped with the arrival of a text. Turned out it was a former “friend-with-benefits” asking if she was available to share some quality benefits. My girlfriend politely declined the request, but for some reason he found it strangely hard to take the hint and continued to pester her over the coming months.

An assortment of other former sex buddies also came out the woodwork and started cropping up on her phone, on Facebook, in conversation, etc. Many people would’ve been able to just shrug off these guys from the past without a second thought, but for some reason I became consumed by what’s known as retroactive jealousy OCD — obsessive anxiety and over-thinking about a partner’s romantic and/or sexual past.

After months of research on how to get over the repetitive images in my mind of my girlfriend’s sexual past, I discovered that certain exercises and mind hacks were able to ease the pain. The foundation for these, though, was built on first working out just what was going on inside my head.

A large part of the problem with retroactive jealousy OCD is not knowing why you’re feeling jealous about the past in the first place. Once the mind has latched onto a problem like, “Why am I feeling jealous of events that happened in the past?” though, it can be extremely difficult to release it.

Below I lay out the three core components of what’s going on in the mind when it comes to retroactive jealousy. Once I learned what these emotions were and how they were fueling my retroactive jealousy, I was finally able to start getting over it.

Fear

Strange as it may sound retroactive jealousy is not really about the past at all. It’s about anxieties you’re harboring about the present. And those are all bound up with a lack of confidence in yourself that you’ll be able to actually hold on to your partner. Retroactive jealousy, therefore, is merely an expression of this fear — that you’ll lose your partner.

The reason why these feelings are so strong is because you feel so strongly toward your partner. If you think back to an ex who you maybe didn’t care about as much, would you say you’d have been as “jealous” of their past if it had been exactly the same as your current partner’s? Probably not. So the thing to remember is that this retroactive jealousy you’re feeling is just your ego’s way of telling you to be careful because it doesn’t want to be hurt.

Judgment

Judgment plays a massive factor in retroactive jealousy. Quite simply, it’s more or less impossible to suffer from retroactive jealousy without being judgmental. This primarily manifests itself in judging a partner’s past actions. Sleeping with many people, one-night-stands, questionable exes, etc., are often very much looked down upon.

However, with retroactive jealousy it’s also not uncommon to be judgmental in some way about how a partner is behaving in the present too. So, keeping in contact with exes either in person or online, refusing to delete photos, reminiscing about the past, etc., are all actions that can inspire judgment.

A good way to overcome judgment of your partner’s past or present actions is to learn to trust them. Once you let go of your anxieties and fears that they may run off with someone else, and actually believe it when they tell you they love you, your feelings of judgment should start to dissipate.

Envy

I began to understand that envy played a part in my retroactive jealousy after comprehending that I wasn’t fearful or judgmental about my girlfriend’s sexual past in general. I didn’t particularly like the fact that she’d slept with five guys in six months, but this wasn’t what kept me awake at night. What really bugged me was one guy in particular — the one who’d woken us up at 2 a.m. in the morning and had continued to pester her for months afterwards.

I recognized that mainly I was envious of just this guy’s relationship with my girlfriend, and this was brought on by the way she seemed to treat him differently from all the other guys. While all the others had long been deleted from her phone and social media accounts, this one remained. Her refusal to remove him from her life, and generally favorable view of him, made me feel envious of their past and present relationship, and this was the final piece of the puzzle I needed to work out what was going on in my head.

If you’re struggling to overcome retroactive jealousy, focusing on these three areas of fear, judgment and envy should be your first point of call in learning how to overcome retroactive jealousy OCD. Figuring out what’s going on in your mind is half the battle, but hopefully now you know what you’re up against and are better equipped to fight it.

Copyright © 2017 – Jeff Billings.  Jeff Billings is the author of The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure and founder of RetroactiveJealousyCrusher.com — a website devoted to helping people get over repetitive thoughts about their partner’s past caused by retroactive jealousy OCD. He lives on the south coast of England with his wife, Emma, and dyslectic cat, Mike.

BONUS Article:
Romantic Jealousy is Scary!
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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Monday, April 24, 2017

Touchy, Feely is a Good Thing!

Filed under: holding hands,Relationships,Romance — Larry James @ 10:00 am
Tags: ,

There’s a reason you reach for your child’s hand in scary moments or interlace fingers with your partner when you’re feeling flirty.

The simple palm-to-palm actions triggers a whole cascade of biological changes! Blood pressure and heart rates drop, which helps calm you, while oxytocin – the cuddle or bonding hormone – is released, says Matthew Hertenstein, Ph.D., director of the Touch and Emotion Lab at DePauw University in Greencastle, IN.

Reaching for your partner’s hand is a big deal. Taking someone’s hand is a sign of wanting to be close to your partner in a nonsexual way. This simple touch conveys an intimacy that is one of the first steps towards forming an intimate relationship.

Remember that horrible scene in the last horror movie you saw that made you want to jump out of your chair? Luckily, your darling was with you to hold your hand and make you feel safe. The human brain responds to sudden stimulation using adrenaline; this stimulation gets our blood pumping and releases high levels of cortisol throughout our body. During these moments, our natural reaction is to hold hands with someone we trust.

Holding hands releases feelings that improve your health, reduce stress, and you can do it anywhere. Holding hands in public is the best (and least nauseating) way of letting people know that you’re proud of the person you’re with. Plus, it doesn’t matter if you get caught!

Do you enjoy the comforting sensation of holding hands? Been too long for you to remember? Perhaps it’s time that you take your partner’s hands and just hold them for a moment or two to see how that feels.

Touchy, feely is a good thing!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2017 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, December 23, 2016

The Daffodill Wine Guide for Christmas

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 8:45 am

 Wine Guide for Christmas
Wine Guide for Christmas by Daffodil Hotel

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2016 –Daffodil Hotel

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, May 26, 2016

Dream Lover

Filed under: Dreams,I Love You!,Intimacy,Kissing,Love,Relationships — Larry James @ 10:30 am

DreamLover.jpg

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – 2016 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from a real dream. Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Monday, February 8, 2016

Romantic Ideas You Can Use at Home

Filed under: Having FUN,Love,Romance — Larry James @ 11:53 am

Romantic ideas you can do at home by Terrys Fabrics
Romantic ideas you can do at home by Terrys Fabrics.

Copyright © 2016 – http://www.TerrysFabrics.co.uk.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Monday, December 28, 2015

“Thank You, Father for Zero Pain” + A Special Favor From You!

Filed under: Prayer,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

Some of you may have noticed that I pretty much stopped posting new articles to my four blogs around the first of November, 2015.

ThankYouFatherAbout that time something happened to my lower back and the pain was almost unbearable. The pain broke my focus and interfered with the concentration required to write. I would sit down to write and the pain said, “No!”

I am a very spiritual person and believe that God does heal.

“Prayer slows our mind, calms our spirit, and centers our heart. It removes our mind from the culture of consumption that surrounds us and centers us on something greater and more important. It calls us to identify our desires and articulate our values.” ~ Joshua Becker

Recently I wrote: “I believe that every prayer is answered when absolute belief is present; one way or another and always for good and for your benefit. It might not be at the time you want, or the way you want it; but it will be answered. Another benefit of prayer? It teaches you patience while you wait for an answer. 😉

A prayer without belief that your prayer will be answered is incapable of producing any useful result. Next time, suspend your disbelief and say a prayer of thanksgiving. A grateful prayer begins the creation process. Let go of the “wanting” of it and focus on what it feels like to have what you desire. Remember that prayer is made powerful by the sincerity of it and the faith and belief that supports it.”

The power of prayer is not the result of the person praying. Rather, the power resides in the God who is being prayed to.

Prayer places us in contact with Almighty God, and we should expect almighty results, whether or not He chooses to grant our petitions or deny our requests. Whatever the answer to our prayers, the God to whom we pray is the source of the power of prayer, and He can and will answer us, according to His perfect will and timing.

There is a scripture that says, “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 18:19).

… And now, the favor I ask of you. If you are a believer, right now… stop and silently remember me in your prayers. I thank you!

BONUS Articles: So… What About the Power of Prayer?
A Prayer of Thanksgiving
Holy! Holy! Holy!
Religion vs. Spirituality

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Monday, November 23, 2015

Are You the “Essence of Joy?”

Filed under: Joy,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

I’m not suggesting that you go around “joyful” all the time, but that your essence should reflect the fact that you focus on what makes you joyful the biggest percentage of the time. You cannot reflect this joy if you are hanging around others who are duds!

Look at your top 5 friends. Do they reflect joy? No! Then why are you hanging around them. You usually become more like these people the more you hang around them. Me? I like people who are UP most of the time. They are just more fun to be around.

REL-EssenceofJOYIf you focus your attention upon the experience of being joyful as much as you focus upon the absence of it, not only would you begin to enjoy life more, but maintaining your physical well-being and balance would also be easier. Look for people who are happy. The problem is we focus too much on the problems and concerns we have and go about complaining and telling everyone how we feel. (Most don’t really want to hear it – unless they are doing the same thing – then they feel right at home with you). FOCUS!

Most of us are engaged in the here and now about 8 percent of our waking hours – the rest of the time is spent thinking forward or backward, dwelling in worry or regret. Forward thinking works better.

The easiest thing of all to lose is your joy. You receive a disturbing e-mail, the cat knocked over your coffee cup, and on and on. You cannot us be a good witness with your countenance if you live on the other side of joy. How do you get your joy back? The first step you need to do is admit you’ve lost it. Get your joy back! Always thinking, “I’d be more joyful if… or when…” won’t get you there.

Start by taking inventory of what matters to you and what makes you happy. Your own joyfulness is one of the few things you have complete control over and while cultivating joy can be difficult to achieve without intention, it’s work no one else can do for you. Before you get out of bed in the morning, think of something that makes you smile. Smiling more often is one of the keys to finding joy.

Every day, do something that reaffirms the beauty and joy of living. Focus on being more joyful. Intentionally focus. Being intentional clarifies your focus. When you catch yourself complaining about everything, your focus is distorted. What to do?

I made a conscious decision many years ago that I was not going to hang abound people who were negative, unhappy and who complained about things but never did anything different. Boo! Hiss! I found that I was becoming more like them and I didn’t like what I saw.

joyThen the “C” word showed up! I changed. There are consequences for every choice you make. Some good. Some not so good. As I put distance between people who I used to hang out with, I noticed that many other opportunities to meet new people showed up. That was good. How could I tell? They were people who when faced with a situation, immediately began to focus on a solution instead of bitching about it. The more I surrounded myself with people who were joyful, happy and self-confident, the duds began dropping by the wayside. Not everyone, but the ones that were dragging to down. I began to seek more “Wow!” moments. I became more optimistic. Experts agree that optimistic people are happier people, they are more joyful.

My whole attitude changed toward one of joy, fulfillment and more. Truly my whole like changed for the better. It’s important to find joy on your journey.

“Energy follows thought; we move toward but not beyond what we can imagine. What we assume, expect, or believe creates and colors our experience. By expanding our deepest beliefs about what is possible, we change our experience of life.” ~ Dan Millman

If you asked your friends, “Am I the essence of joy?” what would their answer be? First, they would probably think you’ve gone off the deep end, so don’t ask. You already know. And if you are not moving up the “Joy” scale, perhaps you could drop some of the things that are holding you back, focus on finding more things to be joyful about and begin to rain joy and happiness on everyone you meet.

What brings you joy?

Time to do something different. Turn off the news. Eat a cupcake. 😉

Sound like a plan?

BONUS Articles: 40 Ways to Find Joy in Your Everyday Life
Kidding Around With Romance

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

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