Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Monday, August 31, 2015

How to Deal With a Depressed Spouse

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Jay Bear, MD, Psychiatrist, Guest Author

Help your spouse get a proper diagnosis and treatment. The illness might prevent a depressed person from recognizing that he/she needs help, so express concern and suggest that you tackle the problem together.

REL-DepressedPartnerStay on the same team. Actively work to help your spouse get better… take daily walks, provide rides to doctor’s appointments, make sure the spouse takes his/her medication.

Don’t get bogged down by resentment. Dealing with a partner’s depression can result in angry feelings, especially if you are often making excuses for your spouse’s social absences, your sex life suffers or household responsibilities shift.

Be receptive. Encourage the spouse to talk about his feelings, and don’t pass judgment.

Be patient. Doctors often can help depressed people feel and function better, but it may take some time.

Understand that depression usually is an episodic illness. Depressed people experience bad and good periods.

Helpful for spouses of depressed people… Get emotional support from a friend or therapist, and attend couple’s therapy when your spouse is feeling better.

BONUS Article: 8 Tips for Dealing with a Depressed Spouse
How to Survive Your Spouse’s Depression
10 Ways to Help Yourself When Your Partner Is Depressed

Copyright © 2015 by Jay Bear. Jay Bear, MD, psychiatrist and director of ambulatory services, department of psychiatry, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Boston. Reported at LiveScience.com.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, August 27, 2015

Never Quit When You Are Behind!

As some of you know I am known for dropping into an occasional fast food place to grab a bite and catch up on reading some of the mail and magazines that I never seem to have time to read in my office.

Recently I stopped into my favorite Burger King® (5355 North Northsight Blvd, in Scottsdale, AZ). There is this tall, good looking cashier who has waited on me many times before. Her name is Machelle. I often call her “Smiley.” She has a beautiful smile.

REL-NEVERquitThis time, she was standing on the customer side of the counter talking to an employee. I said, “Hi! I don’t usually see you on this side of the counter.” She smiled and I went on to gather napkins, pepper, etc., and went to a booth. When my order was called, I went to pick it up and she was still standing there.

I looked at her and said, “You are truly a beautiful woman. Have you ever thought about modeling?”

Her answer was supported by visible confidence as she said, “Yes! I’m going to do that!”

“Great! Do that!” I said as I turned to go back to my booth.

Here I go, thinking again; thinking about what just happened. She really was breath-taking, dressed in a white tank-top and blue jeans – tight blue jeans (Yes, I did notice that!) – that revealed the body of a genuinely beautiful woman. I thought I should go to her and say:

“I truly believe you have a great modeling career ahead of you. From my experience, many people who seek out new adventures, and when confronted by obstacles, often give up. They quit just before they were about to make it, beacuse their fear was bigger than the obstacles and they lost their way. Please don’t you ever do that. It is not okay to give up on your dream. Winners are not people who have never failed, they are people who never quit. Stay true to yourself,” but she left before I had a chance to stop thinking about it and just say it.

I thought: “Next time!” She will be behind the register waiting to take my order and I will tell her then. Or… I could give her a link to this article and let her discover how seeing her – not as a cashier – as a regular person inspired me to write about our encounter and in turn, inspire others to ‘never give up on their dream.’

Where there is will, there is a way. It is also smart to remember patience. Reaching our goals does not always go in a straight line. There are often many twists and turns to getting there. It is important to know that it doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want it to.

I hate to say this for fear of being misunderstood, however it needs to be said. Another important step on the way to your dream is to give up your expectations. Focus instead on what you “need” – not what you expect – to get there and never waiver from that path. You will still have twists and turns and the path will lead you there when you never give up.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Expectations are predetermined resentments. When we don’t get what we expect, we often get disappointed which can lead to an upset: resentment, frustration, self-doubt, anger and in a few rare cases, a total shut down. Focusing on what you need will get you there, and with no expectations you are more open to your dream or something better than you dreamed of. There is no opportunity in unfulfilled expectations.

expectationsIt’s said that several people on “Dancing With the Stars” had dreams of being professional dancers and on their way to that, they discovered that their real talent was teaching others to dance or choreography.

“When your belief in the benefits of the goals you set is stronger than your fear and equal to your courage, you can have anything that you decide to have.” ~ Larry James

Important: Never limit your idea of what will be by what has been! Keep looking forward.

Many years ago, I was traveling back in North Carolina working with Don Hutson, W. Stephen Brown and other professional speakers and I set daily goals in the six weeks I was going to be in the Charlotte and Winston-Salem areas. If, by 5:00 p.m. – when most of the people I called on were ready for happy hour – if I hadn’t met my daily goal, I would keep finding someone else to call on until I did. There were many times when that “one more call” paid off big. I wouldn’t quit. Of the four other men I was working with, I was the top salesperson for the entire Winston-Salem event. Special recognition and a nice bonus were the rewards.

Networkers also sometimes have great expectations about building a network and reaping the reward of lots of business referrals, but those unfulfilled expectations get in their way. It is also smart to remember patience. The reward is no instant gratification wonder! It takes time and patience. Worth waiting for, I might add.

Learning along the way must be a high priority. Being willing to expand your knowledge about what you want the end result to be is a must. If you don’t have a clue about what the end result will look like, feel like, be like, how will you know when you get close to being there? Give up your expectations and be okay with what shows up.

Just don’t give up on your dream! AND… Never quit when you are behind!

Larry’s NOTE: I decided to give Machelle a link to this article. ;-)

BONUS Articles: Expectancy vs. Expectations
No Purpose? No Goals!
If it Ain’t Broke… Fix it!
Networking How-to: Overcome Fear and Just Be Yourself
Networkers: Let’s be More Technical and Smart!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Sunday, August 23, 2015

It’s Not WHAT You Say, But HOW You Say It!!!

Kathleen Thoren, Guest Author

Sound too Old School? Perhaps.

What has made this saying stick around for so long? Because its true and powerful!

REL-HowUsayITBut wait a minute! If what we say is true, why does it matter HOW it’s said? Truth is truth!

It’s human nature to go into defensive mode if one feels they are being attacked. No matter how true your words may be, when words feel like weapons, the other person will automatically be ready to fight or retreat.

Caution! HOW you say something can change its entire meaning. And when you are stressed, HOW you say something matters even more. At these times, turn yourself into an “Investigator” instead of a “Judge” by using the phrase “Isn’t That Interesting”. This changes your perspective and focus from judge of who is right and wrong to INVESTIGATOR of facts and feelings.

Investigators ask questions to broaden understanding, learn, clarify, and absorb another person’s point of view – without necessarily agreeing with it.

So, if we use excellent skills such as asking questions, listening, exploring possibilities and being open to change, then we’re communicating effectively, right?

Again, not so fast! Check out your non-verbal cues and vocal inflections. Is your body language and intonation congruent with your words?

LoveHow to Communicate More Effectively

Ask Questions… with curiosity and calm VS with accusation and agitation

Listen… with eye contact and acknowledging “uh-huh’s” VS with a frown and suspicion

Explore New Ideas… with courage and openness VS with negativity and “sighs” of dismay

Offer Suggestions… with encouragement and hope VS emotionally aloof impatience

Share Your Feelings… with honesty and confidence VS with hostility or wishy-washiness.

Take responsibility for your feelings/reactions. You do not want to ignore your first reactive thoughts and feelings. Even though they may not be helpful for communication in the heat of the moment, they are very important to address later in a safe environment alone or with a trusted friend or mentor.

Give these tools a try and we believe they will improve your communication with those in your life and create a happier atmosphere for you and them.

BONUS Articles: Confrontation is Not a 4-Letter Word
Guys! Know When to Zip Your Lip!
You Cannot Not Talk…
Say Something…

KathleenThorenCopyright © 2015 by Kathleen Thoren. With an MA in Counseling, Kathleen Thoren has worked with clients individually and in groups through her private practice in Tempe, AZ. For 22 years as a relationship specialist, she helps people break free from what keeps them from experiencing happy, harmonious relationships and the life they want. Visit Kathleen’s Facebook page and Website.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Don’t Blink!

Life is short… don’t blink! Your life can change in an instant!

I would like to call attention to those people who – intentionally or not – flat out don’t pay close enough attention to their relationship. They let things slide past them as if their partner were not even in the room. Often a moment’s inattention can cause a lasting resentment from your partner. Guys… just remember, when you are ignoring her, you are teaching her to live without you.

REL-DontBLINK“We can choose to connect to those around us, or we can choose to close ourselves off. Some days we may not feel like reaching out to others, but on days when we can, you never know just what may come of it.” ~ Angie Aker

“It all started out perfectly. We were so in Love, but somewhere along the way the Love ran out!”

How sad to be together and know that some of the best days of your lives haven’t happened yet… and you are not paying attention to your relationship. Perhaps it’s time to stand up for something bigger than you both – your relationship – and make it a priority again. Talk. Communicate. When you have a problem, not communicating with your partner about it sends a message of its own. They get to make up what they think the non-spoken messages convey. So, how can couples divorce-proof their marriages? Sixty-five percent of experts agree the most effective way is by improving communication, followed by decreasing negativity/criticism.

You shouldn’t have to do it alone! One cannot do the work that is required of two. Together you are a team and you must work together if your relationship will survive. It’s important to stay connected. That takes some effort on both sides. Everyone’s adventure together is different. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently, and it shouldn’t be a struggle.

How does your relationship feel? Feeling new and alive comes from the inside. It’s time to get back to the life you once loved. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel like there is a lot of love showing up, it’s time to begin demonstrating a higher commitment to finding that love again. It is difficult to feel good about yourself, when you know you are letting your love partner down by not giving yourself your full attention. You take care of you – your partner does the same. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to pay attention to the overall relationship unless you both know how to focus attention on yourselves first. Two broken people can’t fix each other.

“Why isn’t Love enough? Why isn’t romantic love, followed by commitment or marital vows, able to keep us connected for a lifetime? The answer is “falling in love” or “being in love,” though a powerful emotion, is passive. Our culture naively teaches us to believe the feelings of love will never change. We don’t learn how to actively nurture and grow the emotion of love over our lifetimes.” ~ Bob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C and Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD

doNOTblinkRe-examine your relationship! Dump any destructive drama that’s going on in your life. Do you fight, make up, then fight again? Do you feel “not listened to?” You think those kind of people are your friends, but most don’t actually exude any qualities of a true friendship. If you feel stuck, worn down and unsupported or you wonder why your best friend isn’t the person you can count on when you need support, you may be in a toxic relationship.

Begin today to look into the future. Imagine – together – how your relationship can be if you recommit your love for one another and then “do” whatever must be done to have it be the way you imagined it. Love is much more than a basic human need. Power your passion with love. It’s time to reimagine your relationship! Imagination is a powerful thing, only if you use it.

Relationships can be awesome. For them to be awesome… they take work. They take paying close attention to them, nurturing them and expressing lots of love in many different ways.

Rediscover your passion for each other – you do remember the passion that once stirred your soul when you first met? When you fall in love with someone, the infatuation you both experience is exhilarating. You are elated. Everything is just dandy. You are doing the happy dance! You both are sure this will all help hold the relationship together. Power your passion with love. It begins with getting back to being friends again. As best you can, put your differences aside temporarily and do the things that friends do. Do romantic things for each other. This will energize your relationship. Get back to the Love!

NOTE: Some of the articles listed below may help get you started!

BONUS Article: Pay Attention to… Each Other!
Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!
Love Yourself FIRST!
Friends and Lovers
Stay With It!
Top Ten Ways to Give Love
When You Stop Paying Attention to Your Marriage…
Everyday You Get to Start Over…
Let Love Change the Course of Your Life
“I Love You” – A to Z!
Got Answers? We’ve Got Questions!
Don’t Let Fear Shut You Down… Use it to Wake You Up!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Stop Talking About Your Relationship and Just Live It

Filed under: Arguments,Communication,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Scott Christian, Guest Author

It’s no secret that communication is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. But there is such a thing as over communicating. Sometimes talking can become the root of the problem rather than the solution to it. When this happens, it’s important to be able to take a step back and recognize that words are no replacement for actions.

You can talk about how something needs to change until you’re blue in the face, but unless you actually implement the changes, nothing will ever get better.

Fight over TV remote

Fight over TV remote

This is a somewhat simplistic and low-stakes example, but it illustrates my point. When I was just out of college I had a (fairly horrible) roommate who would regularly call house meetings in order to talk about how the house was always a mess. She would get all revved up about implementing a cleaning schedule, but then never actually follow through with it herself.

But that didn’t stop her from constantly talking about how we all had a responsibility to pull our own weight. Obviously she was an annoying narcissist, but she does provide a good example of the type of person who doesn’t understand that talking is only the first part of the solution.

“Talk’s cheap! Show me!” ~ Larry James

When it comes to most arguments in a marriage or a relationship, they usually erupt from little more than differing points of view. One person sees something one way, the other sees it the opposite way, fighting ensues. And as I’ve written here before, it’s important in a fight to try to understand, not try to win.

But often, that understanding comes from listening to more than the actual words coming out of your partner’s mouth. It comes from “listening” to your entire life together, i.e. being observant and less self-absorbed. Talking has its place. But being other-centered and self-aware will always trump mere words.

Very often, the best couples I’ve known seem to intuit what the other is thinking before they actually say it out loud. Obviously this sort of unspoken connection takes time build, but the way to get there involves being present and engaged with your partner rather than merely asking them what they want. Which is what I mean by living your relationship rather than talking it.

You have to take in everything about them, their motivations, their fears, what makes them happy or bummed out. It requires you to get out of your own head, or as in the case of our generation, your phone, and actually absorb the life that’s happening around you. Talking will never be enough to fully connect with the person you’re married to. So stop all that talking and just live your lives together. You’ll be amazed by what you discover if you do.

ScottChristianCopyright © 2015 by Scott Christian. Scott is a culture and lifestyle writer whose work has appeared in Esquire, The Guardian, GQ, Mashable, and Glamour. Scott also writes for TheNest.com. He currently lives in New York.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Monday, August 3, 2015

THINK!

I was taking some personal alone time recently – just sitting there – and noticed that I was suddenly aware that I was thinking. I know that may sound strange, because when we are not speaking, we are thinking.

SIDEBAR: Some of us need to be sure to “think” before we speak.

REL-THINKThe point is: I noticed that I was thinking and what I was thinking about, etc.

Thoughts began to bump into each other as they seemed to be clamoring to be the main thought I was thinking. I began to play with my thoughts. Ever do that?

Me neither.

I’d purposely let a thought be first, then suddenly decide to be distracted by another random thought. On purpose, not allowing the previous thought to interrupt my thinking. This was kind of fun. I began to think that I was in control of my thoughts. That’s good to know. And then my train of thought was totally dis-tracted (get it?) as another thought came to me. How weird. That’s what I thought… how weird. Then, I began to think about that, and so on, and so on.

We all think… and, how often do you think about what you are thinking? Have you considered that some of those clamoring thoughts might be the ones that are keeping you from being the best you can be? On guard! Don’t let those thoughts be thought about. We all have good thoughts and some not-so-good thoughts.

The exciting thought for me is that you can learn which thoughts to let jump out in front and which ones to store in the attic of your mind, or better yet, choose to put them totally out of your thinking space and promise yourself to never think about them again. If they pop up again, you remember your promise and change your thinking to something good. To do that you must consciously examine your thoughts, not just when you think about it, do it all the time. Be aware of where your thoughts lead you and know that you alone are responsible for what you think. Sound simple? Not so fast.

Stop. Please re-read the above two paragraphs, beginning with, “We all think…” It’s important that you do this. I’ll wait. (Pause)

Now, let it soak in. You are in control. What do you think about that?

No more excuses!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Who Gave You Your First Smile Today?

Who gave you your first smile today?

Didn’t notice?

How sad.

REL-FirstSmileIt was slow day. Nothing much going on. Watched the Arizona Diamondbacks win a game. Pretty much stayed in all day. However, I never let a day go by without some kind of human interaction. It was almost dark and I was hungry. A restaurant just around the corner was having a special on their 3-course meal.

The hostess who seated me was friendly and helpful. If she smiled at me, I apparently didn’t notice. Richard, the server, took my order and was helpful as well.

I was sitting there enjoying my meal when an attractive woman (I did notice that) took her little boy by the hand and said, “Come on, son. Let’s go potty.” I smiled inwardly as they passed by.

Several minutes later they were returning from their potty break and the mother and I made eye contact. She smiled. A beautiful smile. I gave her one too.

Smile1And then I began thinking and realized that that smile was the first smile I had seen today. I don’t know about you, but ordinarily I wouldn’t count the smiles because I’m usually busy giving out some of my own. I’m grateful I didn’t take that smile for granted.

I’m sure she had no idea what an impact her smile had upon me at that moment, much less, be the inspiration for an article that would encourage people to smile more often and return the favor when someone smiles at them… maybe even be the catalyst for others to begin noticing more smiles.

I was a radio disc jockey many years ago and every time I would close my show, everyone listening would hear me say, “Keep smilin’ – makes everybody wonder what you’ve been up to!”

So… Who gave you your first smile today?

The more smiles that go around tend to be the breeding ground for more smiles, and on it goes. We should take time to notice things like that. Pay a smile forward to someone – anyone – the next time you are out and about. When eye contact is made, you usually get another one back really quick. If it doesn’t happen right then, they probably needed to see someone smile.

If, by chance, you don’t have the opportunity for human interaction today, simply walk up to your bathroom mirror and give yourself a smile. Bet you get that one back for sure. ;-)

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Sunday, July 26, 2015

13 Ways to Keep Snoring From Ruining Your Relationship

Rosemary West, Guest Author

Is snoring ruining your life?

Being kept awake all night by the sounds of a bull moose caught in a lawn mower can drive you crazy. An occasional night on the couch may not be a big deal. But when the snoring goes on and on, all night long, night after night, people get desperate. Around the world, the spouses of snorers have resorted to separate bedrooms, divorce, and even murder.

REL-snoringSleep deprivation has serious physical and mental repercussions. It can lead to memory loss, poor judgment, reduced cognitive functioning, heart disease, high blood pressure, loss of sex drive, depression, premature aging, weight gain, worsening of existing medical problems, and a shortened life span.

It isn’t just the snorer’s spouse who is getting hurt. Snorers’ sleep cycles are often disrupted, and they may be waking up many times during the night, even when they are not consciously aware of what is happening. They experience all the same harmful effects of sleep deprivation as their spouses. Additionally, snorers may suffer from sleep apnea, a potentially life-threatening condition in which breathing stops for brief periods during sleep, and then restarts, often with a loud choking or snorting sound.

Snoring is caused by restrictions or obstructions to the flow of air to the mouth and nose. Common causes are poor muscle tone of the throat and tongue, bulky throat tissue resulting from weight gain, excessive muscle relaxation due to drugs or alcohol, and the underlying structure of an individual’s jaw and airways.

There is hope. In many cases, snoring can be reduced or stopped altogether. Here are some of the approaches suggested by sleep experts.

1. Change your sleep position. Snoring is more likely to occur if you sleep on your back, because this position worsens the effect of relaxed tongue and throat muscles. A body pillow may make it easier to sleep on your side. Sewing a tennis ball or other uncomfortable object to the back of your sleep shirt will discourage rolling into the wrong position during the night.

2. A neck support pillow may reposition your head and neck so that the throat can stay open.

3.Avoid alcohol before bedtime. Alcohol acts as a muscle relaxant, making it more likely your jaw will drop open while your tongue and throat sag.

4. Lose weight. Dropping just 10-15 pounds can make a huge difference in the amount of excess tissue in the throat.

5. Open your nasal passages. Congestion or a narrow nasal cavity may be blocking your air flow. A steamy shower, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CYTLM84/celebratelovecom, or http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004V31FPG/celebratelovecom may improve the situation.

6. Remove allergens and irritants. Keep the bedroom well vacuumed and dusted. If your pillows are washable, wash them at least once a month. Otherwise, regularly run them through a fluff cycle in the dryer to remove hair and dust. If your pillows are a few years old, it may be time to replace them. Keep pets off the bed. If you suspect that you have chronic allergies, see your doctor for testing and treatment.

7. Raise the head of the bed a few inches. This can be done with a foam wedge under the mattress, or with blocks placed under the feet of the bed frame.

8. Anti-snoring mouthpieces are designed to be worn at night. They either reposition the jaw or hold the tongue in place. These come in a wide range of styles and materials. At the higher end are customized devices made by dentists or other specialists.

9. Chin straps may be more comfortable and affordable than mouthpieces. They are designed to keep the jaw in place during the night.

10. Stay hydrated. Drink plenty of water throughout the day. Dehydration increases the stickiness of mucous, which in turn may intensify snoring.

11. Exercise. Some experts think that tongue and facial exercises can firm up the slack muscles that contribute to snoring. Exercises include inflating balloons, hyperextending the tongue, and grinning widely.

12.There are various medications that purport to help snoring. As a last resort, there is surgery. These treatments are not always effective, and should be considered only after consultation with a doctor.

Only a qualified doctor can diagnose sleep apnea. Not all snoring is caused by apnea, and apnea does not always cause snoring. If you are suffering from chronic fatigue and ongoing sleep disturbances, a medical checkup can help you find out exactly what is happening.

Sources: WebMD, National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute and Snoring Insights

BONUS Article: Staying Close In Separate Beds

RosemaryCopyright © 2015 by Rosemary West. Rosemary West is an educator, linguist, and writer working in Southern California. Married nearly 30 years and trained as a Gottman Seven Principles Educator, she explores the ups and downs of relationships on her blog, For Better – Or What? or follow on Twitter @ForBetterOrWhat.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A Geriatrics Tale about…

Filed under: Attitude,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

My friend and I were on our way to lunch when I overheard him grumbling about something. I asked him what he said and he said, “You know you are getting old when you begin to receive mail with the word ‘Geriatrics’ plastered on the outside!”

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

Taking some time to really think about this will surely bring up other questions for you to consider.

REL-GeriatricsThere could be more than one answer depending whether you are feeling up or down; feeling good about yourself, etc. Your thoughts and feelings in this moment will play a big part in what your answer will be.

He suddenly turned to me and asked, “How do you stay so young looking?” I didn’t know I did – I thanked him – and he went on to say that he was much younger than I am and looked years older. (He spoke the truth!) ;-)

For many years I have had this mantra, prayer – or whatever you choose to call it – that I can either speak aloud or think about anywhere I am and at any time. I really hadn’t spoken to anyone about this so I told him that this was my secret.

“Thank you, God, for a healthy body that feels good, and is good, all the time. And so it is!”

He laughed and said, “That’s your secret?”

I’ve often quoted that famous philosopher, Anonymous, who said, “What you think about, and speak about, you bring about.” I believe that to be true. There have been hundreds of examples in my life to prove it.

Okay… so this is the bottom line. It is only and always about “Attitude.” First of all, I never let age be my cage. I really don’t think about age much. I hang with younger people. I don’t have negative friends. I do things that younger people love to do. I pretty much maintain a positive attitude most of the time. I love what I do and always go the extra mile. I really love me and take care of me. I don’t feel old and as a result I believe that attitude has helped me feel young as well as helped to keep me young in spite of my actual age.

Now… how does my mantra play in all of this? It keeps me thinking right. Not sure it makes me ‘look’ younger. It keeps me aware of ‘how’ I am feeling. I don’t ask God for anything, because he has already provided all that I am and and all that I need to live a healthy and happy life. So, I am grateful and I believe that being grateful includes thanking the Source.

My friend listened and several months later, called excited to tell me about several things that had happened after he began to use my mantra… now his (and now yours). Feel free to use it. It really works and you have to believe it will work and is working.

You know you are getting old when you discover something new or a new way to look at things and you thought you knew it all. ;-)

By the way, this doesn’t have anything to do with religion. It’s a ‘Spiritual’ principle and it works for anyone who will believe it and use it.

“You’re welcome!”

BONUS Article: Religion vs. Spirituality

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, July 18, 2015

Want More Intimacy?

In a study of data led by researchers at Juan March Institute, Madrid, Spain and University of Washington, Seattle, in marriages where chores were divided based on traditional stereotypes – women did the housework and men handled care and lawn mowing, for example – couples had sex an average of 4.8 times a month. When both partners helped with everyday chores, the frequency dropped to 3.9 times per month.

REL-Intimacy4Researchers from the University of Washington in 2013 tell us: If husbands left the meals and toilet cleaning to their wives, they had sex nearly twice as much as husbands who performed these chores.

Other research has found that men who neglect to pitch in with dinner prep may create conflict in your marriage around the division of household labor. Men who shun cooking and cleaning can actually engender marital conflict which could also result in less sex.

Couples who feel they are sharing the duties of raising a family and managing a household are more likely to be happy in their relationship, and that leads to more affection.

Until you have the courage and the commitment to fully engage in your relationship, to be so intentional about it that it becomes the highest priority in your life, genuine intimacy cannot occur. Sexual intimacy of the highest order only occurs when the heat of passion melts the barriers around your hearts. With the freedom to pursue that special closeness only committed partners know, two hearts will meld together in a dance of Divine love.

Sex is fun… and pleasure is good for you!

Someone once said that women often fake orgasm because men fake foreplay! Couples who thrive in their experience of each other strive to seek the balance necessary for both to find mutual pleasure in their lovemaking. Both must take full responsibility for getting what they want and giving what their partner needs.

When was the last time you did something together for the first time?

BONUS Articles: For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!
The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages
Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing?
It’s Never Too Late to Get Back on Track… S#XUALLY!
Why Sex is Good for Your Health

RedHotHeart2CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

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