Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Everyone Needs Breathing Space…

If you have been with your partner for a while… or longer, I would bet money that at one time or another, you may have thought: “I love you dearly and I need to be alone for awhile!” or “If I don’t get a little peace and silence, I’m going to SCREAM!”

If you’d lie about that you would lie about anything. ;-) The fact that we all need space is a reality that comes from within. It’s natural to want to have alone time.

BreathingSPACE1We all need space to grow. Give each other that room to grow. No one can grow in the shade. Everyone needs different amounts of emotional space – some need an hour daily while others are happy with an hour weekly. Smart partners in a healthy relationship know to create space between them to do their own things. It’s easier when there is a commitment to be totally trustworthy.

Often when one person in a relationship tells the other person that they need to be alone, the other person often feels offended. If you’ve been taking care of you, this may not even come up. If not, you may question, “Why does he/she not want to be with me right now?” The formula is this: “Trust = Breathing Space.” Take care to reassure your partner that if they feel you are pulling away too much, all it takes is to tell you this and you will stop, drop everything and listen to your partner’s concerns.

“To train the mind to create physical spaces, start by leaving an open shelf or section of a room empty on purpose. That spot will serve as a reminder as to why we need to create physical space.” ~ DoRiS Chow

If you are always hovering over your partner, you are literally smothering the love that could be yours.

Shocker: You do not need each other to be whole. No one can “complete” you. You are not your relationship. You are YOU! Allowing yourself breathing space. The desire to spent alone rather than with your partner has nothing to do with the other half of the couple-ship. Not allowing another person to have their space is often spurred by insecurity. It is important for all of us to feel autonomous as well as attached to someone we love. Do you always do everything together? Other people should always be a part of our lives. Being permanently glued together doesn’t work.

Partners need time alone. They need space. That is time to be alone, time to just be. Give it willingly.

One of the most counterintuitive parts of relationship maintenance is that having space is actually critical to the success of lasting relationships. In fact, according to an ongoing federal study, having space and privacy is as important as a good sex life – if not more so.

“We must allow the person whom we love so dearly to have the time they need with the understanding that their need to be alone is not a personal attack against us. When we allow this alone time from a state of love, then we do not feel threatened by it and the other person does not feel guilty for needing to have alone time. This allows the alone time to be a positive experience for each person in the relationship which in the end will serve to strengthen the relationships rather than diminish it.” ~ Steph720’s Blog

Take time to be alone with your thoughts. Sometimes we simply need to be alone to sort things out, whatever those things are. This is another way to attend to your own healthy needs.

“Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps a freshness in their relationship. It encourages each person to maintain their own sense of identity while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess.” ~ Sandy Smith

If you don’t make time to allow you to take care of you… who will? Couples can work out their space issues, if they understand each other’s different needs and why. If needing breathing space is an issue in your relationship, it’s time to talk to your partner about it. Tell your partner that adjusting space for optimum growth of both individuals and the couple is an ongoing need in all relationships.

If that doesn’t work, create some space to talk to a relationship coach for some ideas.

BONUS Article: Everyone Seeks Freedom: The 6 Elements Of Space You Need To Be Comfortable In Life

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Love… BE Love… Be Loveable & Be Loved!

Filed under: Love Yourself,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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If you want someone to love you, you must love yourself first, only then will you be able to be lovable!

Love is expressed as an action and experienced as a feeling. Give love freely and unconditionally. Work on giving as much as you take. True giving is when you give without expectation. When you give love freely, all that you give out comes back to you. It might not come back in the way you expect it, but you will truly feel it in your heart. When you reach out to those that you love without a thought of the outcome or an attachment to the consequences, then you will know that you are doing the best thing for everyone concerned.

REL-BeLove2The secret to feeling loved by someone else is loving yourself. As the love within you grows, so does the love you feel from others. Loving yourself is a process. It’s not like you do it once, check it off the list and you’re good to go. It’s a lifestyle that you adopt and commit to forever. When you love yourself first, then everything else will fall into place.

“If you have problems loving yourself, then work hard to build yourself up. Work on your self confidence by accepting your past and moving forward. You may feel that things you did in the past will make you unlovable, or that you have too many problems to be lovable. Untrue. Accept the things that happened to you, forgive yourself, and move on.” ~ WikiHow

Spend time with your loved ones. There’s nothing that can put things in perspective and distract you from worrying about work like spending quality time with friends and family. Dedicate time to the people you love in order to live a balanced life.

We waste so much time looking for the perfect lover. Instead we should take all the time necessary to create a perfect love for ourselves within ourselves.

So… If you really want to be in a relationship, first, you must work on you to prepare yourself for a relationship. Love yourself as much as you want to be loved. Spend some time being okay with being single. Live alone for a while. Just work on you. When it “feels” right, put yourself in a position to meet lots of people. Don’t zero in on any one person right away. Take your time. Love yourself from the inside out. Don’t force love and don’t try to speed it up. The people you attract are the reflection of who you are. Be careful not to make the same mistakes you have made in the past. Allow yourself to “be” yourself. Let yourself be vulnerable with others. Be a good friend. Remember: “Friends, first!” It has been my experience that when you can be alone and not be lonely, love will usually find you when you least expect it.

“Looking for love is hell. The way out of hell is not to seek for love but to see how you are blocking love. You begin by examining what is causing you to seek for love in the first place. First, you must cast off all the loveless images of yourself that you have made. Looking for love, in its truest sense, isn’t about find­ing someone else; it’s about find­ing yourself again.” ~ Robert Holden, PhD., author of “Loveability: Knowing How to Love and Be Loved

lovelessnessAll the happiness, health, and abundance you experience in life comes from your ability to love and be loved. One day, every society on our planet will honor and celebrate the importance of love. Take some time now and check in with your heart. Do your part. Make a choice to Love… BE Love… Be Loveable & Be Loved!

BONUS Articles: How to Attract More Love Into Your Life
Love Yourself FIRST!
Learning to Love the One You’re With!
You Don’t Have to Be in a Relationship to Celebrate Love!
What is Love?
The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, May 15, 2015

Don’t Let Fear Shut You Down… Use it to Wake You Up!

Filed under: Fear,Intuition,Love,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am

It is only and always fear talking when we hear a voice telling us not to get our hopes up because we will only be disappointed.

Relationships can drown in negative emotions. It kills more dreams than failure ever will.

REL-FearWakeUPFeelings of fear are created in our own mind. The moment fear appears; you give up your power. When fear presents itself, it’s time to pay attention. It’s time to wake up.

Feeling fearful is only an expression of a lack of love working in our relationship. Fear only surfaces when we call it up by temporarily letting go of Love.

Fear can be awesome if you can embrace it and not let it throw you for a loop or shut you down completely. It’s the fear of fear itself that we tend to dwell on and in doing so it corals our thinking and makes it difficult to break out. Fear immobilizes us. It freezes us in our tracks.

Fear is a powerful thing. And we make it up! Fear doesn’t come from out there. It comes from us… from within. Sometimes we would rather make up something that keeps fear in place than to boldly step forward, with the first step firmly smashing our fear.

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be lived and learned. Walk the path that makes you feel alive. Everything you long for is on the other side of fear. Running from fear is a race you’ll never win. In fact, what you’re afraid of dealing with is what will set you free.

Write the following on an index card, or Post Its, put it in your reminders on your smartphone so you see it and say it “aloud” every time fear shows its ugly head: “I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me!”

The self-illumination that occurs when connecting with our true inner-Self, liberates us or disconnects us from the fear that keeps us in the shadows; it flips the switch that turns on the lights! The promise of self-discovery is liberation. It always delivers on its promise.

Keep this in mind: forgiveness is the key to happiness. It dissolves fear. The absence of fear allows you to truly experience Love’s presence – for yourself and others. Fear cannot exist in the presence of Love. Putting the decision off to let go of fear only comes from fear.

There is only one way to step on your fear. Just step on it! You have to lift your foot and step on it! You have to do something… while you are still afraid.

The only thing certain about fear is that it will always compromise you. When it comes to who you really are, there is no compromise.

You’ll be safe if you follow your intuition. It’s always right. Listen to it. Trust your heart to know what it wants that which is best for you. The heart never lies. Fear is the liar! Desires of the heart are important because they indicate the urging from the spirit of God that is attempting to move you forward.

When your heart speaks, you know it’s not you speaking. You normally don’t talk like that. The heart speaks only possibilities. The mind often goes back and forth. That part of you – your heart – that speaks like you don’t, could be called many things. One possibility is: you could call it God.

When you do the thing you fear to do the most, the death of fear is certain.

Be fearless.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Monday, May 11, 2015

For Men Only! How to Love a Woman Who Knows Exactly How to be Loved

Toby Israel, Guest Author

If you have found a woman (or man!) who knows exactly how to be loved, don’t run away.

If she intimidates you, tell her. She will laugh – a real, genuine laugh – with surprise, and you will immediately feel more comfortable.

You must realize that the qualities some would call “demanding” or “high maintenance” are simply confidence. This woman will not settle for anything less than the love she deserves; she expects to receive love in equal measure to that which she freely offers.

REL-How2LoveAwomanA woman who knows exactly how to be loved is “pushy.” She is fierce. She is lovably, infuriatingly stubborn. Love her for it. (What else could you do?)

Love her as she loves herself and as she might love you: without reservations.

She is the free spirit dancing on stage. She is the stranger who holds eye contact far longer than normal. She is the wild one who chooses when – and if – to approach. She is the quiet one whose heart yet burns with self-knowing.

Does she know everything?

No. She knows nothing at all. She knows that she knows nothing.

Only, she knows what she needs.

This woman—this unabashedly open, introspective being – might seem fearless.

Is she afraid?

Yes. She is as scared of love and heartbreak, as vulnerable as everyone else.

And still, she embraces it all.

The walls she builds are of straw – in the face of passion they quickly burn.

She will tell you exactly how she needs to be loved because she knows this. You will not need any other how-to’s; after all, who could better instruct you than your lover herself?

If you listen carefully, you shouldn’t be too confused. She will probably repeat herself often and might write verses on “how to love a woman who knows exactly how to be loved.”

She is a letter-writer, a note-leaver, a poem-sharer. She loves to understand the world through words – not least of all herself.

She loves for the world to understand her through words.

Now, do you know how to be loved? Do you know what you need?

A woman who knows exactly how to be loved will want to know. She will ask you these questions and be surprised when you cannot answer as quickly as she.

Ask for her patience as you take time to think about it.

Finally, if you want to know how to love a woman who knows exactly how to be loved, go ask her. She will tell you all you need to know.

BONUS Article: Loving a Woman Who Knows How to be Loved

TobyIsraelCopyright © 2015 – Toby Israel. Toby Israel is an incorrigible vagabond. She travels in search of dragons, mermaids, adventures and searches… and cross-cultural understanding. Avid dancer, yogi, cook and lover of words, she is inspired by movement and poetry, good food and new things. She studied Anthropology at Middlebury College and now seeks to squeeze by as a freelance writer. You can share her journey at Next Stop World, at twitter.com/TobyIsrael and Facebook too!

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother’s Day!

Filed under: Mother's Day,Video — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Tommy Woodard and Eddie James are The Skit Guys. They have been best friends since high school. Think of them as the wise guys in class who had everyone laughing and managed to make a career out of it. They’ve been teaching God’s word using comedy, drama and whatever category talking action figures fit into for over twenty years.

MomsDAY

“I miss you, Mom!” ~ Larry James

Copyright © 2015 by The Skit Guys. Teaching God’s word using comedy, drama and whatever category talking action figures fit into. Learn more at http://SkitGuys.com

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!

Okay! It’s time to get serious!

If your friends could watch the behind-the-scenes footage of your relationship, would they still think you are the perfect couple?

Perhaps it’s time to reboot your relationship; to bring some excitement back into it – remember how you both felt about each other when you were first together?

REL-Reboot2Often relationships tend toward a slow fade. By that I mean that the more and the longer you are together, one partner (sometimes both) begins to take the other for granted. What you take for granted… disappears. You have become a married single. You are still together and when you awake together in the morning, neither partner seems to really be emotionally there for the other. Your relationship is in a funk. That’s not quite what you signed up for. Right?

Here are a few thoughts to focus on that might help you both get back on track. I suggest that you print two copies of this article, both find a quiet spot, put some of your favorite music on in the background, and each read the article and then share some of what hit you between the eyes. Then make time to offer some new promises to do and be differently in your relationship.

1. Pay attention. Part of being together is remembering to be “aware” of your partner. You are in each others lives and you need to acknowledge that paying attention to your partner shouldn’t only happen when something has gone sideways. It’s time for you to really BE in your partner’s life. Notice things. Notice when a family member needs a word of praise instead of another problem to fix. Look for the good. Catch them doing something right and show your love and affection in words and deeds. Be inspired by the wonderful things you share. Enthusiasm for your relationship is contagious.

2. Demonstrate your sensitivity. Remember to keep special days and anniversaries in your family at the top your list. Send a special card to to surprise your partner – not an e-mail or text… U.S. Post Office delivered. Put a “Love” stamp on it. Listen attentively when your partner is speaking. No distractions… it’s your “partner” speaking. Be a sensitive and committed listener. Be sensitive to your partner’s needs – even if you don’t understand. Part of being sensitive is to allow your partner to fully express their feelings without judgement and sometimes without any response but a warm and tender hug.

3. Plan PlayDates. Take the lead and offer some ideas – even if you are always the one to do this. Once you’ve had a great time together, talk about doing this more often and let your partner know that next time is their time to shine. Having a social life together and taking care of yourself aren’t mutually exclusive. Activities together bring the best kind of balance to your crazy awesome life. PlayDates can breathe some energy into your relationship. Believe the magic you share. Have more fun. Fun is about spontaneity. Fun finds us when it wants to and our job is to be ready for it. The couples that play together, stay together.

“To be able to row with the flow, you must be fully present in the current moment. When you are replaying the past in your head or projecting a possible future in your mind, you cannot fully experience what’s going on right here and right now.” – Steven Lane Taylor

4. Be completely present. Leo Babauta once said, “If you are completely present, external forces are no longer a problem, because there is only you and that external force, in this moment, and not a million other things you need to worry about.” Social media and other digital distractions don’t interrupt us if we close them out and learn to pour ourselves completely into the present task of being present in our relationship. It becomes more a mode of being rather than a task on your to-do or someday list. Relationships should be worked on “all the time,” not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. The practice of noticing more is how we get more present and mindful.

5. Have meaningful conversations. Some of the couples I have coached have shared that they only seem to talk about things that need their attention. Your relationship demands your attention and the best way to give it is to converse. Actually speak to each other. A kiss or a hug from your partner when you come home can help change a bad day to something better. When your partner comes home, give him/her at least 30 minutes to adjust from the days work to being home. After that quick time lapse you might ask, “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” You might be surprised at the answer, and at least you are talking. Have no withheld communication. Ask each other questions to learn more about each other. Question the answers. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know?” The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask each other. Stop talking about things that don’t matter. Express your hopes and dreams. Learn to talk about anything and everything – that is relevant to your relationship – all the time, in the most loving way possible. Talk. Listen. Talk. Listen.

6. Healthy is beautiful. Get your fitness buzz on together. Take a hike. Eat nutritious food. Work out, together. Live at full volume. Throw a party. Less sugar. More fruit. Less meat. More vegetables. Less soda. More water. Less driving. More walking. Less worry. More sleep. Less words. More action. Healthy is the new beauty. Be active. … And travel the “healthy is beautiful” road together.

“Losing weight doesn’t start with diet or exercise. It starts with believing that you deserve to be healthy.” ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

7. Upgrade your naughty. Be intimate often. When you were new lovers, you talked a lot and sex was easy. Introduce some new sexy to your intimacy. It will help you to never be bored in bed. Say (out loud) what you like and what you would rather not do. Flirt. Phone sex can be fun, too. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you. Open a dialogue about what really turns the both of you on but do not do it while you are in the middle of making Love. Talk. Listen, etc. Have morning sex. “That’ll get your day started!!” Light some candles. Get tangled up together. Take turns giving each other a warm luxurious massage. Silliness is a great way to be vulnerable with one another. That silliness communicates intimacy and closeness. Physical agility can be helpful too, but emotional flexibility will really improve your sex life. The longer you and your partner are together, the more you need options. Agree to have an occasional quickie every now and then.

“Upping the kink factor in your relationship can actually be a great way for those of us who are more vanilla to break out of shells and experiment with something new. It can also be a way of feeling closer to our partner.” ~ Author Unknown

calvin-hobbes-motivation8. Laff a lot. Wear your best smile. It looks good on you. Smiling communicates a feeling of well being and it is also contagious. Wearing a genuine smile will truly capture your partner’s attention. Express your sense of humor. Laugh together. One couple I coached told me that the make it a point to tell each other a joke everyday – her one day, him the next. When you laugh together, no matter what is going on, things just seem a little less troublesome. People who laugh a lot are much healthier than those who don’t. Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones, and strengthens the immune system. It elevates your mood. Laugh a lot, and when you’re older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places. ;-)

9. Show off your best self. Be your best self. Be glamourous. Be kind. Be happy – it’s a choice, you know. Looking your best self means figuring out what’s attractive about you and and choosing to show that side to your partner and the world. When you look great, you feel great. Improve your posture. Stand erect. Don’t slouch. Wear clothes that fit. Take care of your skin. No matter what you’re wearing, if your skin looks dull and dry you won’t be showing the world your best self. Be aware of how you are being.

10. Be good at being different. Different is good so don’t try so hard to fit in. Forge your own path. If you follow the crowd, you disappear in it. Go for goose bumps. Trying something new and exciting on a regular basis goes a long way in breaking the monotony and turning the heat back up in your relationship. Explore your differences and search for more things that you and your partner have in common. Common ground can be found in music, sports or a passion for what is new and trendy or very traditional. Often you need to meet in the middle. Do something with your partner that you would rather not do. For example, if he likes to go fishing and you don’t, make a deal with him. You will go fishing with him and next time he will do something that you like to do and he doesn’t. The point is being together… together.

Just going through the motions on autopilot quickly zaps the energy and joy out of relationships. Follow these rebooting ideas and they will take your relationship from Ho-Hum To Woo-HOO!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Sunday, May 3, 2015

LOVE Like the Sun ~ Shine on Everyone the Same!

Filed under: Love — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

Mastin Kipp, Guest Author

It’s a good day to analyze the judgments we have about others.

Wherever we want to make others wrong for how they are being, let us first look inside our own selves.

LoveLikeTheSUNIn my kind of work, I do everything I can to give, to add value and to help others. And I understand that when it comes to pushing on topics that are tender for folks, a lot of emotion can come up.

What I’ve come to realize is that when people stand up and shine their Light, it shines a light on other people’s darkness. And those of us who try our best to shine tend to get some darkness projected onto us.

When you shine your light, you are bringing about 10% of the meaning. When someone interprets what you are saying through their filter, they bring 90% of the meaning to what you are saying.

And BOY – let me tell you – on this end, I get a WIDE variety of e-mail and tweets from people. Lots of praise and lots of haters. And I love ‘em all. My mantra is “Bring ‘em all into my heart.”

I realize when someone is sending me negativity or hate, it’s not because I’m wrong or did something wrong, it’s a projection of what’s inside them onto me. And the same goes for me. When I’m in a negative or angry state, I tend to project that state onto others. Thank GOD I have an amazing girlfriend! She is BEYOND patient with me (I love you, boo!).

But the key is, let us not stand in our light because we are afraid of the darkness that will be projected onto us. That is letting fear win.

Let us EMBRACE and WELCOME darkness, anger, sadness and fear of others – KNOWING that it is simply a deeper request for LOVE. All anger at its core is a request for LOVE. All hate at its core is a request for LOVE.

And as Louise Hay once said, “People need Loving the most when they deserve it the least.”

My aim in Life is to try to Love like the Sun – which shines on everyone the same. I’m not there yet, but I’m trying my best. And I’ve had to make peace with the idea that people are going to project onto me because of the path in life that I have chosen. There will be positive and negative projections – and none of those projections or opinions define who I am. Just like when I am in a positive or negative state, my projections and opinions do not define others. It’s all about your relationship with yourself. And my relationship with myself.

What you think is off in them is an opportunity to see how YOU can bring even more Love. This doesn’t mean being a pushover, but it does mean seeing that each person, no matter how evil they may seem, is an innocent child of The Uni-verse and at their core is a desire for Love.

The most “evil” people on the planet do what they do because it meets their needs. And they are simply getting their needs met in a fearful way. Sometimes it’s easier for people to kill other people than it is for them to kill their own ego. But, when we love like Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, Mother Teresa and all the Saints of all time, we choose non-violence as a way to demonstrate the power of Love.

Be that demonstration in your own life.

Copyright © 2015 – Mastin Kipp. The Daily Love was created by Mastin Kipp in 2005 under the original name “Thoughts for the Day”. Kipp embarked upon a journey in 2004 to find his true purpose and figure out the techniques to best manifest Highest Potential. Along the way he figured there must have been other people who have come before him who’ve were met with the same challenges he was facing to find true happiness and inner peace. Subscribe to The Daily Love!

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s Relationship Pintrest Page at: http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Love Yourself FIRST!

Filed under: Love,Love Yourself — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

A loving relationship with yourself is a prerequisite to having a healthy love relationship with someone else. Assume you have that handled. What’s next?

We must remember that this is it! Someday is now! No time to mess around. Life is too short. Live in the present.

Experience the empowering feeling of allowing yourself the freedom to be who you need to be in your next relationship… right now. You have already experienced the past. Want more of that? Continue to focus on it and you will not be disappointed.

RELLoveYourselfFirstWe must create a future worth living into. The old way of being in a relationship isn’t good enough. We must invent the kind of relationship we want, then go about devoting our time and energy to making it happen. It will happen when we care enough to give ourselves the very best of everything.

This includes giving yourself time if you are just coming out of a relationship that didn’t work. Welcome to living solo! They say, “Time heals all wounds” and you must do the things necessary for the healing of the hurt to occur. Work on you.

Every man needs to love himself unconditionally to be able to pass it on. You know you better than anyone. Ask yourself: “Who would I have to become to be the kind of person I would enjoy being with for the rest of my life?”

Spend some prayerful moments thanking God for the choice to choose the courage to become that person. Then, do what needs to be done.

Okay. So, you have been attracted to a real sweetheart and you are about to embark on ‘Destination Unknown,’ often called the first date. What to do? Naturally we men want to put our best foot forward. We have a thing about being really cool on the first date. Often we withhold who we really are, afraid that if she knew the truth about us, she would very quickly distance herself from us.

This is why we must learn to communicate more effectively how we feel to our partner. Women love men who are sensitive to their needs; who demonstrate that they care; who communicate understanding by listening to what she says (and when we are unclear about what she says… we ask questions – this shows we are really listening); and most of all, women love men who threat them with respect.

You show up as Mr. Clean; shoes shined, clean shaven, a dash of cologne and looking sharp. Most people are attracted to someone who is well groomed however, there is more to it than that. What do you communicate from your heart? Do you say what you feel needs to be said in a loving way?

Make good eye contact. This shows you are paying attention. It also suggests someone who is self-confident. Men whose eyes drift are, right or wrong, thought to be uncertain of themselves. To a woman, this is a red flag.

Have meaningful conversations about things that count. Watch your words. Remember, you cannot un-ring a bell. Once out there, words can be loving or deadly. Be brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable; to reveal those bits and pieces of yourself that communicate the real you. This does not mean boring her with your sordid past… only the relevant truth; what’s real for you in this relationship.

love-yourselfPart of the problem of dating is what M. Scott Peck, in his book “A Road Less Traveled” calls the ‘romantic myth.’ We try so hard, early in the relationship to always be at our best, then when we are several months into the relationship, we feel as though we have reached our goal, we slack off and that’s when things can begin to slowly fall apart.

You may hear her say, “You were so sensitive and caring when we were first dating. What’s happened to that wonderful man that swept me off my feet?” Or she may think it and never say it, leaving you to wonder, “What’s wrong?”

Listen carefully. Relationships are a bit of a puzzle for most men anyway. When a man and a woman finally get together, the glaring differences show up.

Dr. John Gray, Ph.D., author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” says, “We must learn to recognize and understand these differences before we can effectively be ourselves in the relationship.”

Only and always do your best. All the time. Not only when in pursuit. Not only when it’s broken and needs to be fixed. Every day and every minute. Do what works. If you send thoughtful greeting cards, leave love notes and, for no reason, give her an occasional flower… continue that process. Women love romance. It’s called… ‘follow-through.’ Keep on doing what works.

God wants what is best for you. You deserve only the best of everything. And it takes care and attention to your own wants and needs first, for you to be able to take on the responsibility of a committed, healthy love relationship.

Be yourself… right now! How sad to try to be someone you think someone else thinks you should be. It is not possible. Be the real you all the time.

Demonstrate your own authenticity. When you do, you never have to worry that six months down the road, she is going to be disappointed because she thinks the man she is now with is not the person she fell in love with.

In my “Relationship Enrichment LoveShops,” single women often complain that men don’t communicate their feelings. Now you know. Do that. Take a clue. Women have a desire to know the real you. Don’t withhold yourself. Be who you are and if you don’t like who you are, steer clear of a committed relationship for a while until you can learn to love yourself. You cannot deliver from an empty wagon. You must have love for yourself to be able to give the love your partner so richly deserves.

Men must learn to reveal ourselves to others. Let them be sure of who you are. It takes constant attention to detail. Be unto others as you would have them be unto you. Allow no miscommunication that would allow for misunderstandings. There is nothing inherently wrong with putting your best foot forward on the first date and the dates that follow unless you are only being nice for a while to get what you want. That isn’t good enough. You must take care to assure her that your best foot forward is connected to the real you.

BONUS Article: Who Do You Love?
Will You Marry Me?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Saturday, April 25, 2015

6 Tips To Help You Manage Your Anger

Filed under: Anger Issues,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Rhoberta Shaler, Guest Author

Stop letting anger control you. Reclaim your life and start feeling better about yourself.

“I don’t like who I am after I let my anger fly!” That’s what folks coming to me for anger management counseling and classes say.

RELangerThey’re disappointed, embarrassed, humiliated, and/or having to mop up a big spill of emotions that didn’t need to happen. You might say, “Yes, it did! I just couldn’t stand that for another minute.” You know that’s not true. You could have waited until you calmed down before opening your mouth. You are making a choice to speak out.

Did you notice that, often, the thing you were angry about didn’t change as a result of your letting it fly? So, now there is still that issue, plus mopping up after the outburst. The relationship is doubly torched now.

If this sounds about right to you, then here are a few tips to manage anger and put in place:

1. Know the signs. Notice as early as possible that you are beginning to feel upset, irritated, or annoyed. Small things begin to happen in your body.

2. Focus on yourself once you notice, and not on the person, behavior, or situation that is bothering you. What’s going on within you right now?

3. Use your breath to keep the focus on yourself. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly a few times to relax your body and keep yourself from going into anger arousal.

4. Ask yourself, “Where do I want to be with this relationship ten minutes from now?” and behave accordingly.

5. Keep your mouth closed, and go away from the situation to regroup. This is the tough thing to do for many folks. They just want to get their anger out. Unfortunately, it spills and spews in hurtful, unhelpful ways and nothing good comes from it.

6. Wait. Wise people wait until the anger in their bodies has fully subsided before they try to discuss what is bothering them with anyone. They know they cannot communicate effectively with a head of steam up.

You may think you know these steps to manage anger, but the trick is practicing them. If you don’t manage your anger, your anger will manage you. You are hurting yourself.

Trying to get rid of your upset, irritation, or frustration by yelling, swearing, discounting, belittling, and/or demanding leaves you alone with your regrets. There are better ways.

If you don’t like yourself much after an angry outburst, you need some proven anger management essentials. To help you, I wrote an e-book, Ten Absolute Essentials To Keep Anger From Managing You. If you need more help, let’s talk soon.

RhobertaShalerCopyright © 2015 by Rhoberta Shaler. As a relationship counselor/therapist, Rhoberta provides urgent and ongoing care for couples around the world. When relationships get – and stay – turbulent, she helps couples find clarity about their next best steps, and create new beginnings and positive re-connections. She can help you and your partner develop the insights and pattern-breaking skills that lead to blame-free, game-free, non-manipulative relationships. Free initial consultations available. Subscribe to “Tips For Relationships.” Visit Rhoberta’s Website

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s Relationship Pintrest Page at: http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

A Strawberry Malt and 3 Squeezes, Please!

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

NOTE: This story was written to honor Larry’s mother’s memory and was featured in the New York Times best-selling book, “A Second Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul.” The story appears on page sixteen of the book.

My mother used to love strawberry malts. It was a thrill for me to drop in to see her and surprise her with her favorite refreshment.

StrawberryMaltIn her later years, both my mom and dad lived in a life-care retirement center. Partially due to the stress of my mom’s Alzheimer’s condition, my dad became ill and was unable to care for her anymore. They lived in separate rooms, yet were together as much as they could be. They loved each other so much. Hand-in-hand, those silver-haired lovers would stroll the halls, visiting their friends; passing out love. They were the ‘romantics’ of the retirement center.

When I realized that her condition was worsening, I wrote her a letter of acknowledgment. I told her how much I loved her. I apologized for my orneriness when I was growing up. I told her that she was a great mother and I was proud to be her son. I told her things I had wanted to say for a long time and had been too stubborn to say until I realized she may or may not be in a position to comprehend the love behind the words. It was a detailed letter of love and of completion. My dad told me that she often would spend many hours reading and re-reading that letter.

It saddened me to know that my mom no longer knew I was her son. She would often ask, “Now, what was your name?” and I would proudly reply that my name was Larry and I was her son. She would smile and reach for my hand. I wish I could once again experience that special touch.

On one of my visits, I stopped by the local malt shop and bought her and my father a strawberry malt. I stopped by her room first, re-introduced myself to her, chatted for a few minutes and took the other strawberry malt to my dad’s room.

jarvisfamily

The Jarvis Family
Circa 1945 ~ Mary, Jack, Carol Jean & Larry

By the time I returned, she had almost finished the malt. She had laid down on the bed for a rest. She was awake. We both smiled when she saw me come into the room.

Without a word, I pulled a chair close to the bed and reached over to hold her hand. It was a Divine connection. I silently affirmed thoughts about my love for her. In the quiet I could feel the magic of our unconditional love even though I knew she was quite unaware of who was holding her hand. Or was she holding my hand?

After about 10 minutes, I felt her give my hand a tender squeeze. . . three squeezes. They were brief and instantly I knew what she was saying without having to hear any words.

2ndHelping

Click cover for info!

The miracle of unconditional love is nurtured by the power of the Divine and our own imagination.

I couldn’t believe it! Even though she could no longer express her innermost thoughts like she used to, no words were necessary. It was as though she came back for a brief moment!

Many years ago when my father and she were dating, she had invented this very special way of telling my dad, “I love you!” while they were sitting in church. He would softly give her hand two squeezes to say, “Me too!”

I gave her hand two soft squeezes. She turned her head and gave me a loving smile I shall never forget. Her countenance radiated love.

I remembered her expressions of unconditional love for my father, our family, and her countless friends. Her love continues to profoundly influence my life.

Another eight to ten minutes went by. No words were spoken.

Suddenly she turned to me and quietly spoke these words. “It’s important to have someone who loves you.”

I wept. They were tears of joy. I gave her a warm and tender hug, told her how very much I loved her and left.

My mother passed away shortly after that.

Very few words were spoken that day; those she spoke were words of gold. I will always treasure those special moments.

Larry’s NOTE: Mary N. Jarvis, wife of Rev. O. E. “Jack” Jarvis and mother of Larry James and Carol Jean Pierce, died on March 6th, 1992 as a result of Alzheimer’s disease.

cheatingheartCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

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