Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Who Gave You Your First Smile Today?

Who gave you your first smile today?

Didn’t notice?

How sad.

REL-FirstSmileIt was slow day. Nothing much going on. Watched the Arizona Diamondbacks win a game. Pretty much stayed in all day. However, I never let a day go by without some kind of human interaction. It was almost dark and I was hungry. A restaurant just around the corner was having a special on their 3-course meal.

The hostess who seated me was friendly and helpful. If she smiled at me, I apparently didn’t notice. Richard, the server, took my order and was helpful as well.

I was sitting there enjoying my meal when an attractive woman (I did notice that) took her little boy by the hand and said, “Come on, son. Let’s go potty.” I smiled inwardly as they passed by.

Several minutes later they were returning from their potty break and the mother and I made eye contact. She smiled. A beautiful smile. I gave her one too.

Smile1And then I began thinking and realized that that smile was the first smile I had seen today. I don’t know about you, but ordinarily I wouldn’t count the smiles because I’m usually busy giving out some of my own. I’m grateful I didn’t take that smile for granted.

I’m sure she had no idea what an impact her smile had upon me at that moment, much less, be the inspiration for an article that would encourage people to smile more often and return the favor when someone smiles at them… maybe even be the catalyst for others to begin noticing more smiles.

I was a radio disc jockey many years ago and every time I would close my show, everyone listening would hear me say, “Keep smilin’ – makes everybody wonder what you’ve been up to!”

So… Who gave you your first smile today?

The more smiles that go around tend to be the breeding ground for more smiles, and on it goes. We should take time to notice things like that. Pay a smile forward to someone – anyone – the next time you are out and about. When eye contact is made, you usually get another one back really quick. If it doesn’t happen right then, they probably needed to see someone smile.

If, by chance, you don’t have the opportunity for human interaction today, simply walk up to your bathroom mirror and give yourself a smile. Bet you get that one back for sure. ;-)

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, July 26, 2015

13 Ways to Keep Snoring From Ruining Your Relationship

Rosemary West, Guest Author

Is snoring ruining your life?

Being kept awake all night by the sounds of a bull moose caught in a lawn mower can drive you crazy. An occasional night on the couch may not be a big deal. But when the snoring goes on and on, all night long, night after night, people get desperate. Around the world, the spouses of snorers have resorted to separate bedrooms, divorce, and even murder.

REL-snoringSleep deprivation has serious physical and mental repercussions. It can lead to memory loss, poor judgment, reduced cognitive functioning, heart disease, high blood pressure, loss of sex drive, depression, premature aging, weight gain, worsening of existing medical problems, and a shortened life span.

It isn’t just the snorer’s spouse who is getting hurt. Snorers’ sleep cycles are often disrupted, and they may be waking up many times during the night, even when they are not consciously aware of what is happening. They experience all the same harmful effects of sleep deprivation as their spouses. Additionally, snorers may suffer from sleep apnea, a potentially life-threatening condition in which breathing stops for brief periods during sleep, and then restarts, often with a loud choking or snorting sound.

Snoring is caused by restrictions or obstructions to the flow of air to the mouth and nose. Common causes are poor muscle tone of the throat and tongue, bulky throat tissue resulting from weight gain, excessive muscle relaxation due to drugs or alcohol, and the underlying structure of an individual’s jaw and airways.

There is hope. In many cases, snoring can be reduced or stopped altogether. Here are some of the approaches suggested by sleep experts.

1. Change your sleep position. Snoring is more likely to occur if you sleep on your back, because this position worsens the effect of relaxed tongue and throat muscles. A body pillow may make it easier to sleep on your side. Sewing a tennis ball or other uncomfortable object to the back of your sleep shirt will discourage rolling into the wrong position during the night.

2. A neck support pillow may reposition your head and neck so that the throat can stay open.

3.Avoid alcohol before bedtime. Alcohol acts as a muscle relaxant, making it more likely your jaw will drop open while your tongue and throat sag.

4. Lose weight. Dropping just 10-15 pounds can make a huge difference in the amount of excess tissue in the throat.

5. Open your nasal passages. Congestion or a narrow nasal cavity may be blocking your air flow. A steamy shower, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CYTLM84/celebratelovecom, or http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004V31FPG/celebratelovecom may improve the situation.

6. Remove allergens and irritants. Keep the bedroom well vacuumed and dusted. If your pillows are washable, wash them at least once a month. Otherwise, regularly run them through a fluff cycle in the dryer to remove hair and dust. If your pillows are a few years old, it may be time to replace them. Keep pets off the bed. If you suspect that you have chronic allergies, see your doctor for testing and treatment.

7. Raise the head of the bed a few inches. This can be done with a foam wedge under the mattress, or with blocks placed under the feet of the bed frame.

8. Anti-snoring mouthpieces are designed to be worn at night. They either reposition the jaw or hold the tongue in place. These come in a wide range of styles and materials. At the higher end are customized devices made by dentists or other specialists.

9. Chin straps may be more comfortable and affordable than mouthpieces. They are designed to keep the jaw in place during the night.

10. Stay hydrated. Drink plenty of water throughout the day. Dehydration increases the stickiness of mucous, which in turn may intensify snoring.

11. Exercise. Some experts think that tongue and facial exercises can firm up the slack muscles that contribute to snoring. Exercises include inflating balloons, hyperextending the tongue, and grinning widely.

12.There are various medications that purport to help snoring. As a last resort, there is surgery. These treatments are not always effective, and should be considered only after consultation with a doctor.

Only a qualified doctor can diagnose sleep apnea. Not all snoring is caused by apnea, and apnea does not always cause snoring. If you are suffering from chronic fatigue and ongoing sleep disturbances, a medical checkup can help you find out exactly what is happening.

Sources: WebMD, National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute and Snoring Insights

BONUS Article: Staying Close In Separate Beds

RosemaryCopyright © 2015 by Rosemary West. Rosemary West is an educator, linguist, and writer working in Southern California. Married nearly 30 years and trained as a Gottman Seven Principles Educator, she explores the ups and downs of relationships on her blog, For Better – Or What? or follow on Twitter @ForBetterOrWhat.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A Geriatrics Tale about…

Filed under: Attitude,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

My friend and I were on our way to lunch when I overheard him grumbling about something. I asked him what he said and he said, “You know you are getting old when you begin to receive mail with the word ‘Geriatrics’ plastered on the outside!”

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

Taking some time to really think about this will surely bring up other questions for you to consider.

REL-GeriatricsThere could be more than one answer depending whether you are feeling up or down; feeling good about yourself, etc. Your thoughts and feelings in this moment will play a big part in what your answer will be.

He suddenly turned to me and asked, “How do you stay so young looking?” I didn’t know I did – I thanked him – and he went on to say that he was much younger than I am and looked years older. (He spoke the truth!) ;-)

For many years I have had this mantra, prayer – or whatever you choose to call it – that I can either speak aloud or think about anywhere I am and at any time. I really hadn’t spoken to anyone about this so I told him that this was my secret.

“Thank you, God, for a healthy body that feels good, and is good, all the time. And so it is!”

He laughed and said, “That’s your secret?”

I’ve often quoted that famous philosopher, Anonymous, who said, “What you think about, and speak about, you bring about.” I believe that to be true. There have been hundreds of examples in my life to prove it.

Okay… so this is the bottom line. It is only and always about “Attitude.” First of all, I never let age be my cage. I really don’t think about age much. I hang with younger people. I don’t have negative friends. I do things that younger people love to do. I pretty much maintain a positive attitude most of the time. I love what I do and always go the extra mile. I really love me and take care of me. I don’t feel old and as a result I believe that attitude has helped me feel young as well as helped to keep me young in spite of my actual age.

Now… how does my mantra play in all of this? It keeps me thinking right. Not sure it makes me ‘look’ younger. It keeps me aware of ‘how’ I am feeling. I don’t ask God for anything, because he has already provided all that I am and and all that I need to live a healthy and happy life. So, I am grateful and I believe that being grateful includes thanking the Source.

My friend listened and several months later, called excited to tell me about several things that had happened after he began to use my mantra… now his (and now yours). Feel free to use it. It really works and you have to believe it will work and is working.

You know you are getting old when you discover something new or a new way to look at things and you thought you knew it all. ;-)

By the way, this doesn’t have anything to do with religion. It’s a ‘Spiritual’ principle and it works for anyone who will believe it and use it.

“You’re welcome!”

BONUS Article: Religion vs. Spirituality

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, July 18, 2015

Want More Intimacy?

In a study of data led by researchers at Juan March Institute, Madrid, Spain and University of Washington, Seattle, in marriages where chores were divided based on traditional stereotypes – women did the housework and men handled care and lawn mowing, for example – couples had sex an average of 4.8 times a month. When both partners helped with everyday chores, the frequency dropped to 3.9 times per month.

REL-Intimacy4Researchers from the University of Washington in 2013 tell us: If husbands left the meals and toilet cleaning to their wives, they had sex nearly twice as much as husbands who performed these chores.

Other research has found that men who neglect to pitch in with dinner prep may create conflict in your marriage around the division of household labor. Men who shun cooking and cleaning can actually engender marital conflict which could also result in less sex.

Couples who feel they are sharing the duties of raising a family and managing a household are more likely to be happy in their relationship, and that leads to more affection.

Until you have the courage and the commitment to fully engage in your relationship, to be so intentional about it that it becomes the highest priority in your life, genuine intimacy cannot occur. Sexual intimacy of the highest order only occurs when the heat of passion melts the barriers around your hearts. With the freedom to pursue that special closeness only committed partners know, two hearts will meld together in a dance of Divine love.

Sex is fun… and pleasure is good for you!

Someone once said that women often fake orgasm because men fake foreplay! Couples who thrive in their experience of each other strive to seek the balance necessary for both to find mutual pleasure in their lovemaking. Both must take full responsibility for getting what they want and giving what their partner needs.

When was the last time you did something together for the first time?

BONUS Articles: For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!
The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages
Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing?
It’s Never Too Late to Get Back on Track… S#XUALLY!
Why Sex is Good for Your Health

RedHotHeart2CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Is It Time to Get Rid of Marriage?

Bob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C and Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, Guest Authors

I’m still not over Jennifer and Brad, and Mariah and Nick; but now, Ben and Jen? I really thought, or was hoping, their marriage would last. Every day we read about marriages breaking up. It’s very discouraging.

REL-DumpMarriageI was under the impression that divorce was decreasing in the U.S.; recently I searched for the facts. I found a review of marriage and divorce trends over the last 144 years. Using data from the National Center for Health Statistics, Randal Olson, researcher at University of Pennsylvania, plotted the numbers. It’s fascinating to see the correlation of marriage and divorce rates with historical events. Check it out.

The data shows that divorce rates have been steadily declining since the 1980s; however, so have the marriage rates. It also shows:

The rate of marriage today is at the lowest point ever recorded in U.S. history.

That was news to me. It made me wonder: Has the institution of marriage in the millennium outlived its usefulness? After all, we don’t necessarily depend on each other for financial support, childcare and housekeeping.

Bob and I see two glaring problems with marriage in this day and age:

1. Today’s marriages are based on romantic feelings of love – the weakest link in relationships. We assume love will last forever. The truth is love can last, IF we nurture, sustain and grow it over a lifetime. Sounds easy, but it’s a tall order in our hectic day-to-day lives.

2. We aren’t prepared for the job of being a millennial spouse. On our wedding day how many of us know:

• Feelings of romantic love will die if they are not consistently fed
• Hard work is required to sustain a healthy, loving marriage over a lifetime
• Skills including communication, negotiation and conflict management need to be learned and practiced
• Money and sex are the two issues couples have most conflict about
• Marital satisfaction statistically plunges after children are born
• The true job description of being a marital partner isn’t written down, not to mention we may not have the right training for the job?

marriages:divorcesIf you saw an ad for Spouse in the Help Wanted section, it would go something like this:

Job Description: Seeking committed, mature individual. Responsible for health and well being of self and others, physically and emotionally; dedicated to hard work; devoted and loyal for life, despite future offers; team player; ability to identify, analyze and face obstacles to team welfare; prepared to learn and practice advanced communication, conflict resolution and negotiation skills, especially around issues of money and sex; willingness to share and sacrifice own needs at times for team; stamina to persevere and maintain quality of job performance despite years of hard labor, multiple organizational changes and transitions; and only a 60% success rate.

Did you realize this is what you were signing up for? Sounds daunting.

However, Bob and I still believe in marriage. What could be better than weaving a life together, through good times and bad, persevering, learning and growing from tough times, being able to enjoy and appreciate your accomplishments, having companionship and a best friend along the journey to find meaning in this world?

In addition, research-based evidence shows that the job of spouse comes with incredible benefits. A review of the research by the US Department of Health and Human Services finds that married people have:

• Better physical and mental health
• Improved economic well-being
• Improved well-being of children as adults
• Better long term health
• Greater longevity

So add good health, long life, higher income, and healthier children to the job description. It is worth the work.

Have a conversation with your partner about the “relationship house” you have built and make a plan to repair any damage. Strengthen the foundation and redecorate based upon what you both want for the future. It’s never too late to make your connection even stronger.

Image Source: Rings image by www.Public-Domain-image.com

Copyright © 2015 by Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD. Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, is a licensed counselor and co-founder of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center. Together with her husband, Bob, they encourage couples to consciously co-create their relationships in order to achieve a deeper, more intimate connection. You can visit Relationships Work online at: http://www.RelationshipsWork.com. Follow them on Facebook.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Friday, July 10, 2015

Hope is Not a Strategy

Filed under: Relationship Detox,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

It annoys me to hear someone say, “I sure hope it works out,” or “I’ll give it my best shot,” especially if you are talking about a relationship. Stepping into marriage hoping everything works out is a colossal first step in the wrong direction.

REL-HopeHope is not a strategy! However, hope is a critical part of “achieving a strategy” when based on what is possible. Hope is the belief that something is possible and probable, and the recognition that the degree of each is not necessarily equal. And it’s where you start.

Hope is something we all should have, but remember, hope alone will not bring change. Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy. Hope is a motivation and a key to relationship success when it is accompanied by will-power and careful planning. Hope is a good thing. Embrace it, but never use it as a strategy.

“Whether you are a leading your own life, or leading others, you must have faith, or intuition, or the ability to tap into that which does not yet exist. Intuition and faith provide the vision that guides us into the unknown, and the ambiguous, with courage.” ~ Carol Bysiek

Personal growth in your relationship does not come without a proper plan. Growth comes with a strategy. However, hope is not a good strategy. Hope is critical to a strategy. Inspirational partners understand one thing: that without hope there is no strategy. Doing everything possible to make – whatever you’re working on – work is what’s important. That’s a strategy. It’s called working together. It also means doing unto your partner as we would have them do unto us – to coin a phrase. ;-)

Purge your brain of all the angry, negative, cynical, defeatist crap and learn some new things to do to make your relationship be great. Do something new. Be extraordinary at it. Demonstrate Love to your partner… don’t just say it. Anything is better than the same old rut and getting the same old responses. Is there enough energy left in the relationship to give you the fuel you need to recommit to working on a workable strategy? Couples who are good communicators stay with one issue at a time and talk about what they need from each other in the present.

When you are totally committed to making your relationship work, know that relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Most issues can be fixed with a bit of effort from both partners.

If you find your relationship to be a bit bumpy, it’s time to pause, reflect and begin again. Prioritize your relationship goals. Healthy couples are able to work well together in good and bad times and support one another through it all. Relationships must have trust, respect, loyalty, honesty, good communications, and commitment. Start there.

Try to imagine your life without your partner. What would you regret more: leaving them or staying with them? If you don’t like that idea, you have some work to do.

What is your relationship strategy? Are you hoping it all works out? If so, are you ready to get to work on some new strategies?

BONUS Article: Detoxify Your Relationships

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Monday, July 6, 2015

Got Answers? We’ve Got Questions!

Filed under: Communication,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: ,

Have some intimate conversations about these questions with your partner. Be honest with one another. See what you can learn about each other and your relationship.

Are you “being” the right partner?

Do you rush your way through the daily relationship routine without thinking about what you say before you say it?

Is your relationship in breakdown?

Is your time with your partner a Horror Show?

Are you a monotonous bore?

REL-q&aDo you want to be happy in your relationship or right!?

Are you experiencing anger and frustration over something that should have been forgiven long ago?

Does you relationship seems like random nothingness?

Do you look at your iPOD play list for advice and solace?

Do you have a habit of retreating into the doldrums as an avoidance technique?

Are you thrilled by your own opinion, yet disagree or argue when your partner expresses their own?

Are you content to be warmed by the dying embers of your relationship rather than give up being right?

Are you drowning in disillusionment?

Who would you have to become to have your relationship be great?

Are you emotionally lost?

Do you babble to yourself about your relationship blunders, yet have little intention of changing your behavior?

Is neglect an unwelcome visitor to your relationship?

Does nothing ever come true on your relationship wish list?

Feeling completely empty; no emotions, no feelings, no energy?

Approaching full-blown relationship burnout?

Do you spend half your day trying to turn the other half around?

Do you resist the adjustments needed to change attitudes and thoughts about your relationship? Do you get lost in those thoughts?

Is your relationship stuck on replaying the same old stuff?

Is it disturbing to ponder such inquiries?

It is not necessary to love everything about yourself to like who you are!

Perhaps your quest for a better relationship with yourself and your partner should involve some serious soul-searching. A little introspect into what is going on within you; what you are thinking about your partner; what you are feeling, etc. This never hurt anyone. Maybe it’s time to push the relationship reset button.

Take time for reflection. Make it a time of promise for a new and better vision for the relationship you are in. The future holds great things for you and your partner. Be excited to see the change come. Celebrate it!

Time is creeping up on you. Every minute that passes by is never going to be there again. Every minute is a missed opportunity to work on your relationship and to make a new promise to never waste another minute.

No matter what your current conundrum is, you can begin again. Start from scratch. Forgive what needs to be forgiven and move forward.

Squealing your tires doesn’t get you there any faster. In other words, change that lasts, takes time. Slow down but get started now!

Make some notes in your journal.

Have some intimate conversations about these questions with your partner. Be honest with one another. See what you can learn about each other and your relationship.

BONUS Articles: For Your Eyes Only

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Angry?

Filed under: Anger Issues — Larry James @ 8:30 am

REL-angerIn reality, anger is a derivative of and an expression of fear. To transcend or master fear, we must turn our back on it; exercise courage. Love cannot exist in the presence of fear. It is impossible for opposites to co-exist. They cannot occupy the same space at the same time. So… we drift. Back and forth. Love. Fear. Love. Fear.

We must learn to express love to ourselves and to others in the midst of upsets. Releasing anger in healthy ways proves we are capable of creative acts of wholeness.

Healing is always around the corner. It shows up when we have the courage to let go of the anger and fully embrace love.

BONUS Articles: 6 Tips To Help You Manage Your Anger
How to Have a Fair Fight
“You Make Me So Mad!!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Hit the Road, Jack…

There is NEVER a good reason for a man to emotionally and physically abuse a woman! One out of every three women will be abused at some point in her life.

There is NEVER a good reason for a woman to emotionally and physically abuse a man! It is estimated that one in six men will experience domestic abuse at some time in their lives.

RELabuseThe bottom line is that abusive behavior is NEVER acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. No one deserves to be abused and there is no justification for violent crime in the case of physical abuse.

Tell them to, “Hit the road, Jack… and don’t you come back no more, no more…”

“There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.” ~ Source: HelpGuide.org

Abuse is rarely ever a “one time” thing! Most domestic abuse is systematic and premeditated, not a momentary loss of self-control. Most experts agree, abuse is repetitive and predictable. Often when it happens once, it will happen again. Partners caught up in the relationship may not agree because their partner “promised” to never let it happen again and because they don’t believe, they may continue to stay in the relationship rather than leave.

Abuse is a systematic pattern of control and intimidation. Apologies may be another form of coercion and do not provide evidence that he/she has taken responsibility for the abuse and means to keep their promise that it will never happen again.

Victims of abuse – emotional and/or physical – hear me loud a clear… It is not your fault! I don’t care what the abuser tells you.

What is emotional abuse? It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves. The victim of the abuse quite often doesn’t see the mistreatment as abusive. They develop coping mechanisms of denial and minimizing in order to deal with the stress.

Emotional abuse is every bit as serious a problem as physical abuse. In fact, its consequences can be deeper and more wide reaching. Almost always, the effects of emotional abuse can take longer to heal than all but the very worst of physical injuries.

What is physical abuse? Do we really need to provide an answer to that question? Physical abuse is the only reason you need to leave the relationship. What is going on is illegal and help is available. If an abuser tries to pick a fight or win an argument, don’t engage with anger, over-explaining yourself, or apologies to try to sooth him/her. Recognize that you can’t fix them, keep quiet and simply walk away. A long way away.

“The only difference between emotional abuse and physical abuse is, you cannot see the scars upon the heart!” ~ Larry James

People who have been abused in several ways often say that it was the emotional abuse that had the most effect on them. Being constantly undermined, criticized and humiliated can turn someone who was once confident and outgoing into a nervous, anxious person.

stop-domestic-violenceWhy Do Adults Stay In Abusive Relationships? ~ Nothing is more damaging to your confidence and self-esteem than being in an emotionally abusive relationship. Partners with low self esteem in abusive relationships have varying reasons for remaining in them.

1. Some abused people feel they cannot leave their relationships because they are economically dependent on them.
2. Other abused people stay because they believe that is the proper thing to do, given their religious or cultural background.
3. Still other abused people may rationalize staying in abusive relationships because they think it is the right thing to do for their children. (My opinion: The children may be in fact far more damaged by staying in proximity to an abusive father than they would be by being raised by a single mother). Statistics show that in 50 to 70% of homes where men assault women, children are abused as well.

Find support. Talk to trusted friends and family or a counselor about what you are going through. Get away from the abusive person as often as possible, and spend time with those who love and support you. Seek a shelter. Begin to develop an exit plan. You can’t remain in an emotionally and/or physical abusive relationship forever.

If finances or children or some other valid reason prevents you from leaving right now, make developing a plan for leaving as soon as possible be your highest priority. Begin saving money, looking for a place to live, or planning for divorce if necessary so you can feel more in control and empowered. There is only one way to “control” an abuser: Take away their ability to control and harm you by putting lots of distance between the two of you.

Need help? Here are three resources. Visit WomenShelters.org list of shelters for women in Phoenix, AZ. There are very few shelters for men, however, visit HomelessShelterDirectory.org to begin your search. CALL highly-trained advocates who are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship. Visit TheHotLine.org or call 800-799-7233.

BONUS Articles: Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships
Why Do Adults Stay In Abusive Relationships?
Are You Emotionally Abusive? Questions for Men to Ask Themselves
Understanding Verbal Abuse
Too Miserable to Stay, Too Frightened to Leave
Domestic Violence Sucks!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

It’s Never Too Late to Get Back on Track… S#XUALLY!

Filed under: Intimacy,Sex — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

“In 2016 the number of states where same-sex marriages are legal will reach 32, plus the District of Columbia. The next year sexless marriages finally become illegal, making most married people lawbreakers!” ~ Bob Saget ;-)

Come on. Where’s that sparkle you felt when you first came together? When you work together – I mean, “really” work together – those feelings can be resurrected. Do you sometimes wonder what happened to that randy, can’t-get-enough couple you used to be? You know, before the fatigue of everyday life set in and before the kids arrived. Back when you could have the week from hell and still strap on your dancing’ shoes and, after a great night out, have energy for sex. If you just sighed nostalgically, I get it.

RELBackonTrackIf your partnership has been sexless for a while, the fire can be rekindled. It takes courage. It’s not easy, especially if the two of you really don’t talk about it anymore. Someone has to take the first step while they are still afraid. You have to be vulnerable and willing to be rejected. Sexual intimacy should be a big part of your marriage and your intimate conversations. It’s a time when you can let go and truly be “together,” sharing your love for one another.

If you’re interested in just getting back to some good ole fashion love making, these fifteen ideas will get you going in the right direction. Try adding one idea to your week for the next fifteen weeks! Share this article with your partner to get things started.

1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work. Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected. Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

2. Have a passion for life’s sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.

3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!

4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need or taking care of yourself.

6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it, study it, practice it.

7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure to each other.

8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!

9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!

10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner’s pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach orgasm together.

11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex. A “quickie” now and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of “taking your partner for granted” and can only lead to resentment. Make time for the time that is needed to “make love.”

12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay, engagement and afterglow.

13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.

14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner’s needs in the sexual arena.

15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve. However, to force or coerce your partner to do something they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful. In this scenario, always take “No!” for the answer. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate the respect to honor your lover’s right to say no without consequence.

Practice including the keywords that are in bold in your sexual vocabulary with your partner and watch what happens!

Consider spending some time reading some of the following articles to help you get back on track!

BONUS Article: Are You Available for Intimacy?
Why Sex is Good for Your Health
Intimacy Quiz
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”
It’s Time to Get Serious About Sex! ~ Video
Know What Turns You On

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

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