Barbara Peters, Guest Author
I have an amazing job. Every day I meet so many interesting people willing to share their stories, and each introduces me to something new to broaden my view of the world.
Recently intimacy was the focus of a couple’s counseling session. The wife had been concerned about the lack of intimacy in their marriage.
Her husband had a surprised, almost quizzical, look on his face as she made her comments. Clearly this couple wasn’t on the same page. Obviously, the husband thought the level of intimacy in their marriage was just fine.
To ensure both partners knew exactly what we were talking about, I asked each to describe their view of intimacy.
Jumping right in, the wife said there wasn’t enough hand holding, touching, and physical closeness between the two of them. She went on to say this made her feel unattractive, and she often imagined she was forcing her husband to perform sexually in the bedroom. Her husband’s lack of compliments caused her to feel he didn’t desire her sexually. This wife felt intimacy was connected with physical or sexual closeness, and she wanted more of it.
When I asked her husband how he defined marital intimacy, I got a different picture. He felt intimacy was being together as a family, interacting on a personal level, and being able to share troubles and joys in a life together. For him, the physical component was a secondary aspect of intimacy. While he didn’t deny he had sexual needs to be met, his idea of intimacy was more connected to emotional needs being fulfilled.
Both the husband and wife were right on. Intimacy does encompass many different things.
Wikipedia defines an intimate relationship as “a close interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional closeness. Sexual activity is a characteristic of the physical component. On an interactive level there is also emotional and personal support given to each other, which fulfills the need of belonging and caring for each other.”
The key is to blend the physical with the emotional in ways that are fulfilling to both partners. Once again, communication is the only way to find out what your partner wants and needs, and how those needs mesh with your own. Opening up a dialog is the first step to creating an intimate world which includes just the two of you.
What does your world of intimacy look like? Can you find ways to make it more fulfilling?
BONUS Articles: Sexual Intimacy In Marriage
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For Men Only – More Housework. . . More Intimacy!
Red Hot LoveNote…
15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal Physical Intimacy!
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Copyright © 2012 – Barbara Peters. Barbara Peters is a gifted communicator with a laser beam ability to cut through the tangle of personal drama to get results and relationships that last a lifetime. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, her counseling style is interactive, respectful, non-judgmental, and supportive. In her first book, “The Gift of A Lifetime: Building a Marriage that Lasts,” Barbara lends insight from her years of experience as a couples’ counselor to give people those essential tools and guide them on successfully using them. Visit Barbara’s Blog. She is also a contributor to The Life Change Network.
Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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Relationships fail when two people who have been in love stop meeting each others needs. This is another reason for paying attention to each other as the relationship progresses.
Being responsible in a love relationship is another worthy aim. I have tried that sitting around business. It didn’t work for me.
Sex is an important aspect of every marriage. Having sex is a lot easier than talking about it. Most everyone will agree about that, however in order to for you to share what turns you on with your partner, you MUST communicate your likes and dislikes in a playful and healthy way. Someone has to break the ice. 
Obviously there’s a lot to talk about, but if possible start the discussion at a time when you are both feeling close. If you want to discuss some unresolved aspect of your sexual relationship or a disappointment or frustration, during sex is not a good time for the discussion. Bedtime is not a good time either. Find a time when you’re feeling happy, loose and confident. Think twice before you decide to hold back your sexual frustrations from your partner. Bottling up emotions around sex leads to severe depression, anxiety and often infidelity. Notice the small things that often leads to intimacy. 
If your bedroom antics are stalled at the pass. . . be brave – start talking. It may save your relationship. Be open about what turns you on and off. Be clear about what you want. Never settle for “ho hum” sex. Have your time together be a “do more of this” conversation punctuated with a lot of words like, “I love it when you do… and I’d like us to also do…” 
