Preventative Maintenance

Don’t allow your relationship to crash and burn. Perhaps there should be “black boxes” in relationships. That way when a major relationship crash occurs you would be able to analyze more correctly what caused the problem.

Forensic experts know that in analyzing black boxes, any deviation in any sequence of events would have prevented the crash. That’s good to know.

Adjustments in your own position about your relationship can and will make a BIG difference. Giving up being “right” about YOUR position is a great first step. You’ll be amazed! Make this commitment and it will transform the “rumbles” in your relationship to “ripples” almost immediately!

Ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or happy?”

Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

Agree as partners to keep your relationship in a constant state of repair by continually working on it. This is a good way to prevent future issues from occurring. Sustain your relationship by periodic visits to those best in a position to help you. Got a relationship problem you cannot solve? Relationship coaching is a wise choice.

My friend, Dr. Michael LeBoeuf, says “A mistake only proves someone stopped talking long enough to do something.” People in relationships make mistakes. The key is to learn from your mistakes and push forward.

Never stay hooked to the past. The past is an energy drain. Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Practice constructive doing. You make fewer mistakes that way.

The miracle of error is the access to opportunity it presents. Problems validate what you are committed to. They get in the way of your commitments, therefore they validate what you are committed to. If this were not true, we couldn’t call them problems. Accept responsibility for your problems. If you don’t, you are the problem.

It is infinitely wiser to experience relationship problems as those situations which lure you on to self-discovery than to be stopped by the unpleasantness of the circumstances and be shut down to the possibilities the problem presents.

There are no accidents. Relationship problems occur for a reason. It is sometimes difficult to find the good in what appears to be all bad. There are important lessons to be learned in every circumstance.

Problems by design are repetitive. They come back if you don’t learn from them and do something to prevent their reoccurrence.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/

Take a Time-out

Make time to think about your relationship, your partner and the progress you are making. Thinking can stimulate your mind to action. Listen to your heart. It always tells the truth.

It is far better to concentrate on the good than to dwell on the hurts of the past. Listening is the foundation for concentration. In your time-out look for the truth about the direction you need to take.

When difficulties arise, be a relationship tweaker. Don’t wait. Do something, preferably with your partner that will quickly get your relationship back on track.

Remember, there is always more than one way to do anything. There is no “one way.” There are only many ways to reach your relationship goals. You have but to be open to them. Together, choose a solution that you can both support and fine-tune it. Instead of living with old memories, create some new ones. . . together. Think openly, with no boundaries or rules and watch the creative juices flow and the ideas come forth.

Also be aware that ideas are a dime a dozen, however the people who put them into action are priceless. Studies have shown that as an activity becomes more difficult, the brain becomes more active.

Take time to ponder the number of choices that are available.

“Learning can only take place outside the shadow of pride. Anything that resists correction is a part of what is wrong.” – Guy Finley

Bonus Link: Speak One-on-One with Larry James

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/

Got Kids?

Never use your children as an excuse to not work on you or your relationship. While it is true that you have an awesome responsibility to care for your children, if you put them first and you last, I suggest that there may be some confusion about your priorities. If you forget to take care of you, you are not leading by example. It’s important to be a good example for your kids.

Some will tell you to never air your disagreements in front of your kids. I disagree. Children are much smarter than we give them credit. They know when you have misunderstandings and arguments.

When your children witness an argument, reassure them that it is not their fault. Demonstrate to them that parents can be angry and still love each other while they are finding solutions to their problems. The skill of teaching fair fighting or at least keeping the decibels at a reasonable level when expressing your concerns is key.

However. . . always arguing and raising your voices in front of the children is inappropriate. Most high-level disagreements should be out of hearing range of the kids. Strive for balance.

Your home is a school. What are you teaching your children?

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/

The Correct Carrot

What is your relationship carrot (or goal)?

What dangles in front of you that keeps you moving forward? What is important to you? To your partner?

If you have no good reasons for being together, then the relationship will not work. Spend some time together talking about what is important to both of you.

Set some mutual relationship goals. Commit these ideas to paper. Undefined goals are unreachable. Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your relationship.

To follow a relationship path without knowing where it leads is a mistake.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/

2nd 100 Tweets from Larry James’ Relationship Twitter!

I have posted the 2nd 100 Tweets on my once daily “Relationship Twitter” and thought you might enjoy reading all of them 140 characters at a time. All are adapted from my book, “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing.”

LoveNotes for Lovers is a collection of meditations, affirmations and reflections on love. A valued relationship is something you work on all the time, not only when its broken and needs to be fixed. LoveNotes for Lovers assists in that process.

Every LoveNote is but one more piece of the relationship puzzle. The design of LoveNotes for Lovers is to help people fit the pieces of the relationship puzzle together in a healthy way. Each one is a mini-lesson in love.

You will also see an occasional link that references an article I have written about that key word. Each link opens in a new window so you won’t lose your place.

You are welcome to use these “LoveNotes” as quotes provided you credit the author as per below:

“LoveNote. . . Think before you speak. Words create. They either build up or tear down. Speak only words of forgiveness, appreciation, understanding & Love.” – Larry James

You can read the 1st 100 Tweets at: http://celebratelove.wordpress.com/2009/07/25/100-tweets-from-larry-james-relationship-twitter/

Follow my once daily “Relationship Tweets” at: http://Twitter.com/LarryJames

Enjoy!

Think before you speak. Words create. They either build up or tear down. Speak only words of forgiveness, appreciation, understanding & Love.

Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Always give your best!

We must never allow anger to use us. Use its energy to move us to the other side. There we will find only Love.

There is no future in the past. Live in the moment. Be in the present. Give your all to the relationship every moment you are in it.

Words can come back to haunt you or they can become the way two partners express their love. Keep your word. Trust is a fragile issue.

Manage your relationship in a way that has both of you have fun in it. Having fun together must be one of your highest priorities.

The hardest part of coming out of a slump is acknowledging you are in one. You cannot solve a problem that you cannot admit you have.

Adversity does not create a great relationship – it reveals it! Upsets create the wisdom necessary to grow in spite of the situation.

When you trust the one you’re with, you can step in front of the person you’ve been and allow your partner to see the real you.

Forgive and forget is an impossibility. Forgive? Yes! You forgive because it sets you free; the first step toward healing. Forget? No!

Not communicating with your relationship partner – or not allowing them access to your thoughts and feelings – can exact a heavy price.

Anger is something that can hurt if expressed with the intention to get even. Don’t inflict your feelings of anger on the ones you love most

Healthy, committed love partners will say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong,” and mean it, rather than hold on to being right or walking away.

My love partner and I share similar spiritual values. Shared spiritual ideas are the basis for a lasting, fulfilling love relationship.

Your partner will almost always be the most dependable, 1st in line to care, & the 1st to help, if help is requested. Requesting is the key.

When you discover that what you have been doing isn’t working, the logical thing to do is to do something different. Muster up intention!

There is comfort in solitude. Partners must learn to cherish their separateness while being together. It makes being together meaningful.

Each partner’s differences test the others capacity for acceptance, forgiveness and understanding. Never dance around the issues.

Indifference is like water to a fire. The flame of love grows dim with indifference to your partner’s needs. Pay attention & take action.

One of the secrets to a healthy love relationship is to never take more than you give. Be alert for ways to contribute to your partner.

It’s simple. Not easy. The path to a whole and healthy love relationship begins when you self-inquire; it begins with loving you first.

The miracle of unconditional love is nurtured by the power of the Divine and our own imagination. Imagine the limitless possibilities!

I always remember that more often than not, when my love partner wants to talk, she only wants someone to listen & not to dispense advice.

My partner & I share a mutual commitment to hold aside no less than one evening each week where we can be alone together. – Larry James

Affirmation: I have a partner who is supportive of making key choices together, and learning from what each partner has to say.

When it is a genuine expression of true love, touch can bring you intimately closer to another human being than can thousands of words.

In a sense, a great love relationship lives on the tip of your tongue. Things go well because you say so and because of what you do.

Higher spiritual values give meaning & purpose to your relationship. They determine what you will turn away from & what you will move toward

Acceptance and tolerance hold hands in the presence of unconditional love. Discuss your imperfections lovingly. Do not pass judgment.

A committed love relationship fosters respect for each others right to have some time to themselves & the willingness to stand together.

It is a healthy relationship where partners can ask for what they want from each other & feel the freedom to say yes or no without guilt.

Promise to always openly communicate love, affection and commitment. It gives your future together more of a chance.

It’s okay to feel angry. It is not okay to be consumed with anger. Anger is not something to be contained; it is something to be released.

Touch is a means of connecting emotionally, physically and spiritually. The gentleness of touch communicates love, understanding & desire.

Only one thing activates, then converts the negative energy of anger into positive energy: an intention to do something different that works

Look at what you’ve been doing in your relationships. If it isn’t working, give up being right about it & do something different. Change it!

Expressing empathy, trust, acceptance, forgiveness, compassion & understanding all contribute to your feeling of being supported.

Screaming & yelling at your partner, is a no-no! If you lose it and do the forbidden, own up to it. Say, “I’m sorry” & don’t do it again!”

Put aside any hesitancy to display affection at times other than when you want something from your partner. That is never ever a good idea.

Mature love partners have learned not to expect perfection in each other. They know that acceptance has its own reward.

Relationships cannot be truly great & incredible unless you make internal changes in the way you think & take caution of the words you speak

Change is always possible in your relationship because it is only & always a choice that leads to a profound sense of freedom & inner peace.

The same energy we use to hold on to the past is the same energy we need to create our future. Holding on is an energy drain. Let go.

Passion is pure energy, aliveness, & like life itself, it starts off neutral; it’s a given. Give the energy of passion direction & meaning.

Communicate. Never assume that your partner knows how you feel. People tend to rely heavily on assumptions to communicate. Hints don’t work.

The extent to which we cling to the past is the extent to which we are blocked in receiving what we truly want in a loving relationship.

Be spontaneous. Stop by the side of the road. Make a spur-of-the-moment bouquet of freshly picked wild flowers. Present them to your partner

Remember that how you express your anger is being translated by someone who has no idea of how you really feel. Slow down. Think, then speak

Share your passion without fear & with patience, commitment, & trust. This level of emotional sharing generates a limitless flow of energy.

Flinging dollars on a date is not what fun-focused dating is about. Sunsets, picnics in the park, celebrating Love together are priced right

Intentionally add a little pizzazz to your love relationship. Do it in playful ways. It enlivens your spirit & breeds happiness. A good idea

Trust blazes new trails. It creates the opening for intimacy to exist. Among lovers, it invites the spark of the Divine to ignite passion.

Affirmation: I am having fun with life and life is having fun with me! I am being good to life and life is being good to me! And so it is!

Slow down the pace a little. Moving 75 mph through life is not a good idea. Focus on having fun. Show consideration for each other this way.

I see upsets in my relationship not as an exterior circumstance to be remedied, but as an interior condition to be understood and healed.

You can gain much insight into the power of your attitudes in the stillness of looking inward. Your body believes every word you say.

Embrace being together. Enjoy each other’s company. Never take your togetherness for granted. What you take for granted. . . disappears!

A communications gap doesn’t only undermine the potential of the relationship; it can, and usually will eventually destroy the relationship.

Honor the opportunity you have to be a part of THIS very special moment. You live in it moment to moment. Be present to it. Accept it.

Women can often tell a man’s interest in them by the length of his attention span. Take heed men. . . make attentive listening a priority.

I believe that every relationship we are in serves a definite purpose. It fulfills a need for us as we fulfill needs for someone else.

Blueprint Your Life! No Purpose. No Goals. First, define your purpose. Know Purpose! Know Goals! Design your relationship by setting goals.

I am convinced that I am bigger than my biggest problem! Never disguise problems as opportunities! Problems are problems. Acknowledge them
.
Say thank you, often! Express appreciation. Acknowledge others for their contribution to you. Be grateful. Be creative with your gratitude!

Foreplay begins with putting the toilet seat down without being asked! Think I’m kidding? It shows that we value and respect our partner.

Bankrupt in the playful department? Spend time watching children play. Childlike frolicking & drawing gleefully outside the lines is okay.

Taking care of what needs to be taken care of is a SHARED responsibility. Relationship enrichment can only occur when you work together.

We are startled with a sense that letting go of our expectations might contribute to the cause of making the real magic of the moment appear

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. It’s normal to have ups & downs. Never let problems stop you! Look for the solution & go again!

I have discovered that anxiety is my friend. It calls attention to the options I have open; to the new choices that are available to me.

Relationships often fail when two people who have been in love stop meeting each other’s needs. This is another reason for paying attention.

You must first learn to be alone & happy before you can be together & happy. Never be dependent on others for your own happiness.

Make a list of things you know that pleases your partner and do them consistently. Never stop doing the things that brought you together.

Love today, right now, without conditions or requirements. Seize love when it comes your way & as quickly, give it away. Celebrate Love!

Communicating is not optional. You get a higher return on your relationship investment by communicating openly & honestly about everything.

Those who never seem to get past their fears to make new discoveries stay stuck in the misery they will not take responsibility for.

Express affection. Touching enlivens our lives. It nurtures our relationship. This gift contains within it the miracle of healing & bonding.

Try this: No expectations, fewer disappointments! Not easy. Simple. Don’t be attached to the expectation of how your needs get fulfilled.

Be Yourself. Demonstrate your own authenticity. Be unto others as you would have them be unto you. People can spot a phoney a mile away.

Old wounds have a drawing power & pull our attention to them over & over, taking energy & hope from us, preventing us from beginning again.

By far the most common and important way in which you can exercise your attention to your partner is by listening. It is an act of love.

YOU are the voice! What you say goes. You are in charge here. Think & speak only of what you want. Live lives on the tip of your tongue!

Knowledge is power only when we use it: for our own good and for the good of others. With it we can help others. Be somebody’s angel today!

Problems are not to break us. Working together on problems makes us strong. Be committed to learning the lessons the problems present.

It’s time to demonstrate courage & love instead of fear. Give yourself permission to live your relationships powerfully – beyond measure.

Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let every activity of the moment absorb all of your interest, energy and enthusiasm.

To worry about your relationship is to use your imagination to create something you do not want. Have concerns? Hire a relationship coach.

Relationships never END! Divorce, death or separation only changes them. As long as you have memory, you will have a relationship.

Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely communicated. No one can read your mind. Focus. Unfulfilled expectations cause problems.

I challenge you to discover what it is like to “live in the present!” Happiness, harmony & love reside there. The past is gone. Accept it.

Gifts should be a symbol of being related rather than a bid for reassurance that we are loved. Give it proper thought, feeling & inquiry.

A relationship bonus! Make sure some of your own personal goals are designed to contribute to your love partner & to your relationship.

In a sense a great love relationship lives on the tip of your tongue. Things go well because you say so & because of what each of you do.

Plateaus and setbacks are natural to progress. Growth in an intimate relationship is never in a straight upward line. Problems help us grow!

A Relationship cannot be truly great unless you make internal changes in the way you think and take caution of the words you speak about it.

It is impossible to start new & to make clear, healthy, life-giving choices until we have let go of past hurts, confusion and resentments.

Spend time working on you. You are #1. Work on developing your own self as an individual. The one you are with is you! Reinvent yourself.

Make a mutual commitment to no withholds, another of the keys to success in a healthy love relationship. Talk about anything & everything.

The healthy release of anger must be presented in a way that empowers the relationship; anger expressed without blame, no pointing fingers.

Starting over is the key to a new you. Embrace the beauty and significance of beginning again. Right now is the only reality. This is it!

Read the “1st 100 Tweets from Larry James’ once daily Relationship Twitter!” at: http://celebratelove.wordpress.com/2009/07/25/100-tweets-from-larry-james-relationship-twitter/

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/

Commitment + Action

For you to achieve what you desire in a love relationship, both love partners must have similar levels of commitment. Each must honor a promise of mutual commitment to the other, a commitment to participate in life fully together.

This does not mean that you must have identical commitments. It means that for a healthy love relationship to thrive and survive, each love partner must support the other in their own individual commitments in addition to their commitment to each other as a team. She is committed to something and he supports her. He is committed to something and she supports him.

When true love is present, commitments arise naturally. They expand our capacity to love.

The commitment that supports a healthy partnership is the commitment each has to the other to always be working on the relationship, a commitment to always be in a dance with one another, showering each other with compassion and understanding.

Commitment is nurtured by compassion and understanding.

If you care to move past commitment. . . try surrender. Surrender is one step beyond commitment.

Surrender does not mean placing yourself at the mercy of someone else. To me, surrender is the ultimate commitment to unconditional love; it is surrendering to the process, not to your love partner. Having surrender present in your love relationship means having a devotion to keeping the fire of your love burning. . . for each other.

It is possible to give yourself fully to the relationship without losing your sense of self in the relationship. It empowers each of you when both love partners are willing to surrender to the moment, to those tender moments when you are unconditionally loving the one you are with. It promotes freedom of full self-expression.

You both must trust one another enough to allow each other the freedom to speak words of truth straight from the heart. Open, honest communication is just one of the many keys to a healthy love relationship.

Add to commitment a decision for action. That’s when the adventure begins. If you only always know what you are committed to and never totally support each other in your commitments, you may rediscover the same ordinary relationship you may have experienced in the past. How boring!

Why not go for extraordinary? Or, if you are truly adventurous, go for outrageous! That is anything but boring.

Commitment plus action provides the momentum that can produce extraordinary results! It’s doing what can be done to make a difference for each other. . . and having a commitment to do it together. Even when it feels like you don’t want to.

Especially when you don’t feel like it.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/

Rebuild Your Relationship With Yourself

Rebuilding your relationship with yourself is the first step in the right direction. You may have to take the first step while you are still afraid.

When your relationship with you sucks, you cannot be the kind of person your partner needs you to be. Work on you first. The relationship is a close second. Two broken people cannot fix each other. If you want to fix your relationship, start by fixing yourself.

Only you can do the work that you know must be done. I stress “know” because everyone knows himself or herself better than anyone does.

If you truly want out of a relationship slump, you must begin to be honest with what needs to be fixed within you.

Never blame others for how you feel. How you choose to feel is only and always a personal choice!

Learning to love yourself teaches you to love others. Learn to love you. Only then can you offer the kind of love your partner needs. Only then.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

LoveNote. . .

As we come to understand our equal share in creating problems, blame, self-doubt, and discord gives way to personal responsibility, accountability, mutual respect and intimacy.

Problems in relationships are never only one persons fault. They are shared problems.

In a healthy love relationship, things are easiest when both love partners take responsibility for the whole, not just their halves.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james

Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames

Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com/

Living Life in the Leap!

So often in coaching couples about their relationship, I hear one or both partners say, “The passion is gone. We’re just roommates. It’s just not the same as it was.” How sad to have moved away from the excitement that once was.

While it may be true that with the passing of time some couples tend to tilt away from the consistency of effort that is required to keep them on track, it doesn’t have to be that way.

When you have experienced a pulling away, a slowdown in affection, sex and all the other important things that seemed to matter when you first met, it is often difficult to begin again.

The hardest part of coming out of a slump is acknowledging you are in one. You cannot solve a problem that you cannot admit you have.

When the energy you pour into your relationship has slowed to a trickle, there are some things you can do.

Don’t give up! The power to break through a slump is in you.

If you are thinking, “It’s no use. I’m tired of doing all the work in the relationship. He/She isn’t even trying. I’ve got to get out!” Think again. Your interpretation of how things are colors what happens next. It alters your forward motion. While in the heat of battle, it may feel easier to leave the relationship rather than do the work you committed to in the first place. The odds are against you.

Making another relationship work most likely will not work if you do not take time to work though the issues you are currently experiencing. It is most difficult to start over in a relationship you are already in, much less begin a new one.

Adversity does not create a great relationship – it reveals it! Upsets create the wisdom necessary to grow in spite of the situation. Upsets stimulate courage to face what’s next. To have a problem be an experience of value, you must be attentive to the lesson the upset presents and be courageous enough to do what is necessary to avoid a future setback for the same reason.

It helps when both partners are in agreement. Obviously one person cannot do the work of two. Remember you are in a partnership. It takes two! The sad truth is, you know the relationship is over when one partner refuses to work on the relationship.

Once the decision to move forward is clear, getting started will be your next hurdle. It requires your personal urgency. It will take a leap of faith. This may feel like you are living your life in the leap; not being sure of what will happen or where you will land. It will also take courage. It will take both partners working together, making new promises and beginning with baby steps.

It’s time to make some new choices such as changing your thinking, constructing new behavioral patterns and changing your relationship from one that may be sinking into the abyss, into one you can be proud to be in.

At least now you know what doesn’t work. Perhaps this is good. Don’t do your relationship that way anymore. The secret is to not repeat past destructive behaviors. It is much wiser to learn to remake the future than to continue to relive the past.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Convert Anger to Positive Energy

Only one thing activates, then converts the negative energy of anger into positive energy. . . intention. The intention must be to do something different; something that works.

Don’t wallow in anger. The wise thing to do is to be present to our anger; acknowledge it. Create a new intention to move through it.

When you discover that what you have been doing isn’t working, the only logical thing to do is to do something different. We must never allow anger to use us. Use its energy to move us to the other side. There we will find only love.

We are talking about change. Yes, it is uncomfortable to change. You must decide which is the most uncomfortable. The same energy you expend on anger, when re-directed, can help free you of the negative emotions you feel when you are angry.

Anger is something that can hurt if expressed with the intention to get even. Never inflict your feelings of anger on the ones you love most. When you feel a disagreement coming on, think twice before you speak. Angry words, once spoken, reverberate like bells in a cathedral steeple. Remember, you can’t un-ring a bell.

Think before you speak. Words create. They either build up or tear down. Speak only words of forgiveness, appreciation, understanding and love.

Freeing yourself of these negative emotions is something you do. It is never dependent upon whomever or whatever you think is the cause of your anger.

Simmer Down. Manage your anger. If you have a complaint, only raise it when you are not feeling angry about it. As best you can, speak with loving words and keep it short and to the point. Don’t lecture.

Keep your examples current. Never use past hurts to illustrate current gripes. It only opens up old wounds and causes your partner to feel that they can never stop paying for past mistakes.

Avoid words like, “never” and “always” or things like, “You’re just like your mother/father!” This only pushes your partner’s panic buttons and escalates the disagreement.

When your partner expresses a complaint/grievance/criticism, rather than argue the point, listen non-defensively. Rather than counter attack, search for some small part with which you can agree, and acknowledge it.

If an apology is called for, offer it. Listening non-defensively can put a damper on an argument expeditiously. Now. . . you can work on a solution together.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.