Choose To Grow!

Ernie Fitzpatrick, Guest Author

Of the three “Q’s“, the one that has helped me the most has been my AQ!

My IQ (Intelligent Quotient) was measured once upon a time in a college far, far from here and I’m not sure what the number was, but I believe it was average. As much as I had to study to get good grade in college, I’m not buying my IQ was average, but I digress.

My EQ (Emotional Quotient) has been one exciting roller-coaster ride.

My AQ (Adversity Quotient) hs served me well while also attributing to some of those steep hills down on the roller coaster. But seriously, the many hardships of life taught me some good lessons. I’m not talking about minor things but some of those biggies life: loss of a wife in a plane crash, loss of a son in a car crash, a fire that destroyed our home, cancer that threatened my ability to speak, and a host of other not so normal bone-rattling traumas.

I wouldn’t recommend that you experience any of the above for growth purposes; however, they did exactly that for me.

What we do when conflict of devastation arises determines how far we get to mature. Our RESPONSES (not our REACTIONS) can only be of benefit when we don’t take them personally. Say what? Are you kidding me? No, I am not. In the end we’ve be given FREE WILL and it’s truly OUR CHOICE as to how we want to SEE the events of life.

We can either choose to retreat and cower, blaming whomever, or we can CHOOSE TO GROW!

BONUS Articles: Choice. . . Your Greatest Power!
What to Do? What to Do? Thoughts on the Dilemma of Choice! – Part 1
Living Life in the Leap!

Copyright © 2012 – Ernie Fitzpatrick. Ernie Fitzpatrick founded LRC September 6, 1987. What began as a church called Liberty Revival Church has morphed into a spiritual community now called Life Revealing Community. LRC is primarily a spiritual community of men and women dedicated to advancing their spiritual walk while assisting the Visual & Performing Art high school students: providing them with incentives and scholarships, as well as emotional support. Ernie is a graduate from Washburn University (Topeka, Kansas) in 1966 with additional graduate work at Kansas University. Ernie has primarily been a real estate and business entrepreneur. He served as CEO of Century 21 of Texas, Inc. developed his own national builder franchise (Todany’s American Builder), and was COO of RE/MAX of Texas. Visit Ernie’s Website.

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Some Things Can Be Fixed. . . Others Must Heal

Thom Rutledge, Guest Author

Are you a fixer?

When someone tells you a problem they are having, do you immediately feel the need to offer advice? Is it difficult for you to just listen to someone who is in distress, to just be there for them without knowing precisely what to say or do? Are you uncomfortable with anything being in limbo? Are you addicted to certainties? Does your self-esteem depend on your ability to make things right for other people? If you’re answering yes to some of these questions, you are probably a fixer.

Did you just now experience an impulse to “fix” the fact that you may be a fixer? If so, you are definitely a fixer.

I find it helpful when faced with a problem or a discomfort or a pain to ask this question:

Does this need to be fixed or healed?

Think about it. The two options are very different. When a pipe burst below my kitchen sink, I don’t wrap a bandage around it and wait for it to heal. Similarly, when I cut my hand slicing tomatoes I don’t imagine that I can simply “fix” the cut.

Certainly when something needs to heal, we still attend to it. I can apply pressure and bandage my cut. Or if I have the flu, I can go home, lie on the couch drinking juice and chicken soup. But I know that as much as I might try to convince myself otherwise, I cannot simply fix myself so that I don’t have the flu anymore.

Consider relationship problems: do they need to be fixed or healed?

In this context the question is more difficult because both are often called for. If I have been dishonest with you causing damage to your ability to trust me, then I need to fix my behavior and allow there to be time for the relationship to heal. I suppose this is analogous to a broken bone needing to be set so that it can heal properly.

When something needs to be fixed, it calls for us to be proactive in identifying what needs to be done and then doing it. When something needs to heal, our job is to protect the space around the wound or injury, allowing in only what will contribute to the process of healing.

“Does this need to be fixed or healed?” is just one of those good questions to keep around. Sometimes the answers will be obvious, and other times the question may just get us thinking in a different direction. Certainly using the question will save some valuable energy when we can stop trying to fix what can only be healed, and stop waiting around for what needs fixing to heal.

Write the question down on an index card and put it in your pocket, your wallet, or your purse. Carry the question everywhere you go for the next week or so – test drive it.

See if it makes a difference.

Click cover for info!

Copyright © 2011 – Thom Rutledge. All rights reserved. Reprinted with Permission. Thom Rutledge is a psychotherapist, speaker and author of several books, including Embracing Fear. For more information visit www.ThomRutledge.com.

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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So. . . How Does a Relationship Begin?

To me there are several stages of relationships that must be examined. While there may be such a thing as “love at first sight,” for most of us it doesn’t happen that way. Initial attraction… yes! True love… doubtful!

Although I haven’t yet read the book, “Ships,” I would like to give you my take on the 3 “ships” on the cover of the book that K’Anne writes about. They were the inspiration for this article.

Companionship – Before marriage usually comes companionship. Companionship help keeps your mind sharp, allows you to have fun, and stay connected with friends, family, and community.

When choosing a companion you are much more likely to be happy and have a “healthy” relationship if you choose one of your own faith. Some believe that your faith doesn’t matter. I disagree. As a relationship coach, this issue comes up often after marriage, rarely before. It is something you must think about and talk about BEFORE you tie the knot!

Choose a companion you can always honor; one you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.

Companionship is that state of being friends. It is a closeness or familiarity, a true fellowship among people who for some reason have connected. It allows two people to remain individuals, have other interests outside of themselves, and are in no way bound by or to the thoughts and beliefs of the other. It encourages individuality and freedom of choice; more of an equality issue out of mutual agreement and respect.

“To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough.” ~ Anna Louise Strong

Chances are pretty good that you plan your time together around your favorite recreational activities. That’s because you enjoy each others company and hanging out with each other. Often love blossoms because of companionship.

If you are craving companionship, be careful. While it may keep loneliness and depression at bay and making life more meaningful, depending upon someone else to make you happy is not a good reason to seek a companion. It may be that something is missing in the relationship you have with yourself.

“When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death – ourselves.” ~ Eda LeShan

If you are not looking for a relationship, you may want to consider RentAFriend. (Just kidding)!

Friendship – Friendships often begin with casual acquaintances. No one can form a friendship until he/she realizes that the basis of being friends is meeting the needs of the other person. Never measure your happiness by the quality of your personal relationships. No one ever relates perfectly and even those who relate well can see from time to time that they need to improve. A true friend – someone who loves you for who you are. That certainly helps. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” ~ C.S. Lewis

Friendship takes time – time to get to really know each other, time to build shared memories, time to build trust and time to invest in each others personal growth. A mark of genuine friendship is the privilege of being yourself and still being accepted. A true friendship always tells us that we are acceptable and accepted.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey

Relationship – Close, personal relationships combine trust, support, open & non-judgmental communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy, and intimacy. Great communication is the cornerstone, and trust is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. There can be no trust without conversation (communication); no genuine intimacy without trust. One of the secrets to having healthy love relationships is to never be afraid to openly and honestly discuss whatever is relevant to the success of the relationship.

“When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on – series polygamy – until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” ~ Tom Robbins

Once you know you are moving in the direction of a relationship, it is wise to let go of all of your expectations. A problem occurs when we expect our partner to love us a certain way and when they don’t, we are disappointed or, we expect them to do something or behave in a certain way, they don’t (they missed our subtle hints), and again we experience disappointment. By the way, subtle hints don’t work. No one can read your mind. Unfulfilled expectations always cause relationship problems.

Instead we must learn to focus on what we “need” from the relationship. Everyone needs love. Discover the freedom that comes from allowing our love partner to love us the way “they” love us not the way we “expect” them to love us! We can best accomplish this by first discovering what we individually need from the relationship, then mutually communicating those needs to our love partner.

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.” ~ Gillian Anderson

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Working Together Helps Get Your Own Needs Met

Working together in a love relationship to get your individual needs met and the mutual needs of the relationship and not have expectations about how those needs get met will always generate new things to talk about. Having expectations about how your needs get met is not only unrealistic it is an unhealthy attitude.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn’t show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed.

A better way might be to have your need for being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Being okay with how they love you creates a sense of adventure; it creates new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience together. Often challenges show up.

However, when two people really love each other and are committed to work together, challenges like these create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire. They then choose to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by this new way of being and know that everything is going to be okay.

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Plan Some Romantic Rituals for Your Relationship!

A romantic ritual is usually something you decide on together; some specific behavior – something that you do with or say to the other, intentionally; and make an important part of your established routine. Creating a relationship ritual requires intention, deliberate choice and a specific action and a willingness to honor it with your undivided attention. Rituals add “spark” to your relationship! They demonstrate your interest in your partner.

There are daily rituals (kissing goodbye before leaving in the morning – not just a peck on the lips but a real kiss!), bedtime rituals, weekly, monthly and yearly rituals. As example of a daily ritual might be to promise each other that you will express your love orally by saying, “I love you,” out loud at least once a day, or tactility, e.g., a kiss, a hug, a back-rub, etc. Romance rituals can be as simple as lighting a few candles, playing your favorite romantic CD or saying “thank you” for the special way your partner causes you to feel when they __________ (fill in the blank). Some people find burning candles creates a feeling of serenity and spiritual blessing.

I recommend at least one weekly ritual and that is to always find time to plan one night each week to be together. A once-a-week date-night with just the two of you can do wonders for your relationship. Dinner and movie is fine but why not try something new, like going skating, or swinging in the park? Put your “thinking cap” on and come up with some new ideas.

If you have children, at least once each month, have a trusted friend take the kids for an overnight. A Friday night date-night helps you to reconnect with each other after a busy work week and will help get you in a relaxing mood for the weekend.

“Love is NOT enough! It takes conscious, intentional time, attention and focus on your relationship and your sweetheart to insure that life, and other people and events don’t negatively impact the life that you love with the love of your life!” ~ Dr. Jackie Black, Ph.D.

Your rituals do not have to be involved, complicated or expensive. Sometimes simple is best. Who isn’t touched by the couple in their 70s strolling along simply holding hands? An unexpected lunch date can give you some time together; reaching out to touch your partner’s hand across the table. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to revel in the spontaneity of the moment we can discover new rituals. This sudden burst of inspiration is creativity in action. These gestures help build the emotional links you need with each other for the future.

“Being honest is also romantic and one of the foundations for a happy long term relationship. Being where you say you are going to be, being reliable, arriving at the time you said you were going to, ensuring that your words match your body language.” ~ Danielle Ollington

Birthdays and anniversaries make excellent rituals provided they include this important element of a true ritual – romance. Write and make your own birthday or anniversary card. Spend some time writing a few special words that have special meaning to your partner. Scatter fresh flowers several places throughout the house. Come up with something new to try each month. It could be learning a new skill, a new language, eating at a very special restaurant, or trying something new in the bedroom. Try a red light bulb in the bedroom. Experiment. Have fun!

Designate a separate calendar for your romantic ritual ideas and plans. Make planning your romantic rituals a priority. Do it together. The possibilities for romantic rituals are endless. The purpose is simple: rituals cause you to feel more closely connected. These intentional choices will help you strengthen your relationship, grow in closeness and commitment. Rituals also help to eliminate boredom. They will keep you looking forward with anticipation for the next event.

Never be too busy to preserve the love you have for each other. Use your imagination. The closeness you desire is enhanced through purposeful sensitivity, tenderness and mutual respect for each other. Each ritual should be designed to demonstrate compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, empathy, Love, tenderness, healing, patience and much more. You should be able to “feel” that which is within the ritual.

It might help if you had one of your yearly rituals be to schedule a relationship tune-up with a relationship coach. Relationship maintenance is important to the success of a healthy love relationship. The results of a survey in four states in the U.S., strongly suggests that couples who received premarital education had a 31% lower chance of divorce.

“Unique, shared rituals are an important part of the glue that holds couples together.” ~ Carol J. Bruess

Your partner is supposed to be your very best friend. Be sure you treat them like one! Rotate every-other-week by giving your partner a full-body massage with massage oil – one week it’s her turn, the next week it’s his.

Schedule a weekend trip to watch the sunrise. Take a drive to a place where you can bask in the serenity of the morning sun together. Snuggle up in a cozy blanket. Make it an intimate picnic complete with champagne and strawberries.

Create a Love Journal. Once each day think of something good to write about your partner – I repeat. . . only the “good.” Look for things that are compliments to your partner. Write them down. This ritual keeps you focused on looking for the good in each other. Once a year (of every six months – you decide) share your Love Journal with your partner.

One ritual that doesn’t necessarily have to include your partner would be to take time each day to do something special for YOU! Do anything that makes you feel special and appreciated. When you know how to appreciate yourself, someone else will too! When you are vibrant, alive, and feeling good, you’re showing your best self to the one that counts most. . . you!

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

When You Look Into the Mirror. . . Who Do You See?

When you look into the mirror. . .

Do you see someone who has wasted their life away? Do you see a person that is filled with hope or do you see a person that needs hope? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you know who you are? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? Who do you think you are? Do you like what you see? Can you look into the mirror and honestly say to yourself. . . “I love me!”?

Do you see insecurity or confidence? Do you first see the flaws or low self-esteem rather than what you like about yourself? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you see the person you always wanted to be?

Do you see someone who may be run down, tried, a failure, no good, not good enough, ugly, too tall, too short, too heavy, to thin, not enough intelligence, not enough success, not enough energy, or not enough happiness.

Nothing trumps honesty and authenticity! These questions need be explored. The truth of where you are on your path of evolution and growth will stare right back at you. The answers to these questions can reveal to you the areas in your life that need healing.

You don’t have to be “hot” or “attractive” to be a beautiful person. Outside the limiting story you tell yourself when you look into a mirror is an unspeakable degree of freedom – a freedom to be yourself – no longer pretending to be someone, someone else thinks you should be. That’s hard work!

Is the person you see in the mirror a distorted image of what you think about yourself?

I remember – at a particularly low point in my life – looking into a full-length mirror after exiting from the shower and just looking at myself. Then I surprised me by saying aloud, “Who the hell do you think you are?” “Who am I, really?” Then I cried.

That moment was a breakthrough for me. It was an “ah-ha” moment. When I began to look at the reasons why the tears came, I realized that up until then, I had been fooling myself. I was not who I pretended to be. I wasn’t even the person I wanted to be. I began a serious exploration of my self-image and began to make some major behavioral changes.

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time. What we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” ~ Sydney J. Harris

I worked on changing my thinking. Your physical body is truly a reflection of the thoughts you think. A thought doesn’t have any power in itself. Only you have the capability to remove or attach beliefs to any thought you think. Your beliefs. . . your faith in the thoughts make them powerful – and thoughts become the things.

I had what I call a lot of “negative self-talk.” I learned that what you think about and what you speak about is what you bring about. My life was a perfect design of what I had been thinking. I began to change that.

You may have to give yourself a little push toward a higher view of yourself.

I challenge you to do the same. Take a good look at yourself. Stare into your own eyes for a while. Discard any thoughts of who you think you are and slowly begin to discover the real you. What is it that you really like about yourself? Make a list of at least 10 things – no matter how insignificant you think they are – post the list on the mirror you look at in the morning and review the list everyday. That’s what I did.

Start with #1 at the top of your list and look yourself in the eyes and repeat what you have written that you like about yourself. Say it out loud. The next day do the same thing with #2. When you get to the end, begin again. From time-to-time you may want to expand your list. That is the exciting part of this process, because the better you begin to feel about yourself, the more you discover what you like about yourself.

“You have to learn to see the big picture. Get on track with the BIG picture and get ready for the ride of a lifetime! The image you hold of yourself otherwise known as your self-image is the view you hold in your head about who you are. As hard as you work to do and be more you will not and cannot ever outperform it. Your self-image is the limiting factor in your success.” ~ Matthew Britt

You deserve to be and feel happy. That starts with loving the one you see in the mirror.

BONUS Article: You Will Never Outperform Your Own Self Image

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Burning the Candle at Both Ends

“She gets up while it is still dark… her lamp does not go out at night.” Proverbs 31

“Burning ones candle at both ends” is often said about someone who’s working too hard with too many things, and as a consequence has to stop before he or she is “done”. It typically means that one is staying up too late at night and getting up too early in the morning in an attempt to get more things done.

A candle is intended to be burned from one end to the other only. “To burn the candle at both ends” implies that someone is simultaneously doing two things which are inconsistent or in conflict with each other (such as a married person carrying on a secret affair or one partner spending too much time at work and not paying enough attention to the relationship).

“Knowingly burning the candle at both ends and finding that it often gives a lovely light” ~ Christopher Hitchens

The beauty of this metaphor is the visual image of a candle burning from both ends, consuming itself as it burns; and the danger of being burned. Burning the candle at both ends implies that the two burning ends will eventually meet (“the truth will out”), in fact more quickly than one end alone burning, and in doing so, the “double ended burner” is warned that THEY will be the one who is burned from engaging in this duplicity.

Well, if you were to light a candle at both ends it would burn down in half the time compared to one that’s only burning at one end. If you consider the burn time you’d get from the ordinarily lit candle as normal, then double lit candle would go out prematurely.

If you want your relationship to survive, you must discover what is meaningful to you and focus your attention on that. Connecting to what matters to you illuminates your purpose. Having a purpose nourishes your relationship.

Marriage is a two way street and it takes the efforts of both the partners to make it work. After the initial excitement is over most relationships goes stale causing the partners to focus more of their time on work. This is because after some time after marriage the priorities of one or both of the partners tends to shift into children, job responsibilities, money etc., and as a result they tend to neglect the partner or take the partner for granted enabling boredom to creep in the relationship. It’s important to stay connected to your partner and your family to avoid stress and relationship drift.

It is ultimately not in your best interest to continue burning the candle at both ends. When you burn the candle at both ends you get very little sleep or rest because you are working or studying (or celebrating) late into the night, and then starting again very early the next day. The pressure to get things done faster and better than everyone else can have a crushing impact on our mental and physical health. There’s a good chance that you’re going to get burned.

Notice how your body feels when you have adequate sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Just notice. If noticing convinces you that you feel better and have more energy, do something with that knowledge – noticing alone won’t change anything. Changing your attitude and your behavior will.

Take time for outside interests. . . with your partner. Don’t have time? Make time! Plan time! Many men have trouble balancing work and their family life. They have poor relationships with family members and their partner. Slow down a little. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Schedule play time. Play is another one of the most significant ingredients that can keep your relationship strong.

Every once in a while, you need to stop and listen to the music, smell the flowers, and sip the coffee. Life is too short to miss out on these little treasures.

Children seem to grow up much faster now days. Blink and you miss the most important time of their lives. They need you. They need to see their mother and father interacting with each other and with them.

At some point you need to reassess and ask yourself whether you are finding the balance between work and play. You cannot continue to avoiding responsibility for your relationship. If you burn the candle at both ends you may not be as bright as you thought you were!

Don’t wait too long. There is often a point of no return. Never sacrifice your relationship for work. You can always get another job, but you may never again find a partner who will be willing to put up with your devotion to work and be willing to help you redirect your focus on the family.

Stop burning the candle at both ends. Stop trying to cram too many activities into your daily schedule. Just stop it NOW. The space-time continuum is limited for a reason – to try to keep you from doing everything at once. Even if you could get everything done – which you can’t – what use is it if you are too exhausted and burned out to enjoy your relationship.

The last thing you need is to experience burnout in your relationship. Smart people are astute at finding the smartest, healthiest most satisfying way to use the same 24 hours that God has given to each of us every day. Never be too busy to pay attention to your relationship.

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Rebuild Your Relationship With Yourself

Rebuilding your relationship with yourself is the first step in the right direction. You may have to take the first step while you are still afraid.

When your relationship with you sucks, you cannot be the kind of person your partner needs you to be. Work on you first. The relationship is a close second. Two broken people cannot fix each other. If you want to fix your relationship, start by fixing yourself.

Only you can do the work that you know must be done. I stress “know” because everyone knows himself or herself better than anyone does.

If you truly want out of a relationship slump, you must begin to be honest with what needs to be fixed within you.

Never blame others for how you feel. How you choose to feel is only and always a personal choice!

Learning to love yourself teaches you to love others. Learn to love you. Only then can you offer the kind of love your partner needs. Only then.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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For Singles Only

It could be said that one of the signs you may be ready for a committed relationship is when you reach a point where you’ve found someone you love and want to be with, yet you experience a feeling of hesitancy to relinquish the freedom you have also learned to love.

It is the solitude of single life; a place where you learned to love who you are and be comfortable with that. It is proof that you know about discipline.

You must first learn to be alone and not be lonely. Once the lesson is learned, you “may” be ready to take the next step. Never rush into another relationship. Yearning for a relationship when you are lonely is not a good reason to seek it. That only means that you are not yet ready; that you need to spend some more time by yourself.

Important: You must first learn to be alone and not be lonely.

To allow yourself a time of healing, a time to get to know you, is a wonderful gift; the same gift of love that now presents the challenge to step into the future, without holding on to the past. It is the first step you take while you are still afraid.

It requires letting go of the need to be in a relationship and mastering the fear that keeps you from taking the first step to the next relationship; the singles’ rite of passage.

The reluctance to experience this ritual may come from a lack of conversations that construct the mutual commitment necessary to honor each other’s right to be alone while you are together.

A new freedom waits to be discovered; the freedom to be who you really are with the one you love.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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For Singles Only

The heart is crying for adventure, which can only be found by embarking on your own personal journey of self-discovery.

You will discover your sense of adventure in a state of solitude, not in a relationship. Your sense of adventure will carry over into the relationship, but can never genuinely be found there to begin with.

You create your own sense of adventure.

Your heart may never be free enough to really be adventurous until, at your new level of awareness, you recognize the value of love-of-self. Within this very personal accomplishment you will discover the richest source of self-esteem and unconditional love.

Then comes the adventure!

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com