Larry James
Foreword by Laura Dawn Lewis
Foreword - The inside joke with women? No man is worth bedding until he hits twenty-seven, unless she is willing to train him and spend a lot of time with batteries.
Until then he’s all effort with no technique. Men tend to dislike this whispered opinion. To each man, he’s already a legend in his own mind by twenty-seven and women will tell you with a wink, that is the only place he’s a legend.
Part of the problem is men see sex as a physical activity and women see it as an emotional activity. Perhaps this opinion explains why over 30% of women by the age of thirty report never experiencing an orgasm with any man in her life.
With sexual aids, many are discovering what they’ve been missing, perhaps explaining the huge and growing popularity of toys. Of course not all men are like this and not all women think this, but if women are honest or don’t think a man can hear what they are saying, many a revelation bubbles to the surface.
Truth is, anyone can have sex. Dogs do it, monkeys do it and so can any human being with the required commitment. Nearly any man can impregnate a woman but just because he can father a child, doesn’t make him a father. It makes him a sperm donor. Father takes effort.
Nearly every woman of child bearing age can get pregnant, but carrying to term and giving birth doesn’t make her a mother. It makes her an incubator and the delivery woman. Mother takes effort.
Same thing for sex. Sex any human can do. Intimacy, making love, becoming that legend in her or his mind, this takes effort.
If you’re interested in becoming a legend in your lover’s mind, these fifteen ideas will get you going in the right direction. Try adding one to your week for the next fifteen weeks, by next season you will be a legend!
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1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work. Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected. Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.
2. Have a passion for life’s sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.
3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!
4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.
5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need or taking care of yourself.
6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it, study it, practice it.
7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure to each other.
8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!
9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!
10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner’s pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach orgasm together.
11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex. A “quickie” now and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of “taking your partner for granted” and can only lead to resentment. Make time for the time that is needed to “make love.”
12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay, engagement and afterglow.
13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.
14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner’s needs in the sexual arena.
15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve. However, to force or coerce your partner to do something they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful. In this scenario, always take “No!” for the answer. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate the respect to honor your lover’s right to say no without consequence.
Practice including the keywords that are in bold in your sexual vocabulary with your partner and watch what happens!
Copyright © 2007 - Larry James. Adapted from the book, “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.
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