Run! Play! Laugh! Dance! Jump! Love!

Never stop having fun with life! Tell some zany jokes. Talk. Listen. Dance to the music. Be passionate. Take a walk – hop or skip part of the way. Be silly for 2 minutes. Read a magazine at a picnic table. Take a bike ride. Don’t have a bike? Rent or borrow one. Engage in a pillow fight.

Keep your body in motion. Do it alone or with someone. Pretend you are a child again. Play some kid games. Let go. Hug a tree. Lose yourself in play. Play hide and seek with a friend. Have water fight with water pistols, then switch to buckets!

See how fast you can walk around the shopping mall – time yourself (take someone with you). Wrap yourself in a blanket and roll down a hill. Go roller skating.

Borrow a dog if you don’t have one and take it for a walk and play fetch. Exercise in the park. Go bowling and don’t worry about getting a low score. Go for a swim. LOL (laugh out loud) for no reason at all. See how far or how high you can jump. Climb the monkey bars on a playground. Play catch with a basketball. Borrow a church hymnal, choose a song and sing it to your partner. Run around the block in “slow motion.” (I wanna watch that one).

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Having fun at play should be an important activity in the lives of everyone! Play is important because it helps us grow strong and healthy and gives us something more to think about than work, work, work. Use your imagination to make up some of your own stuff to do. Be active.

And did I mention that you it’s best to do these fun things with someone you love? Never grow up enough to stop playing and having fun.

After all that… I’m exhausted! Run! Play! Laugh! Dance! Jump! Love! Especially Love!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Some Things Can Be Fixed. . . Others Must Heal

Thom Rutledge, Guest Author

Are you a fixer?

When someone tells you a problem they are having, do you immediately feel the need to offer advice? Is it difficult for you to just listen to someone who is in distress, to just be there for them without knowing precisely what to say or do? Are you uncomfortable with anything being in limbo? Are you addicted to certainties? Does your self-esteem depend on your ability to make things right for other people? If you’re answering yes to some of these questions, you are probably a fixer.

Did you just now experience an impulse to “fix” the fact that you may be a fixer? If so, you are definitely a fixer.

I find it helpful when faced with a problem or a discomfort or a pain to ask this question:

Does this need to be fixed or healed?

Think about it. The two options are very different. When a pipe burst below my kitchen sink, I don’t wrap a bandage around it and wait for it to heal. Similarly, when I cut my hand slicing tomatoes I don’t imagine that I can simply “fix” the cut.

Certainly when something needs to heal, we still attend to it. I can apply pressure and bandage my cut. Or if I have the flu, I can go home, lie on the couch drinking juice and chicken soup. But I know that as much as I might try to convince myself otherwise, I cannot simply fix myself so that I don’t have the flu anymore.

Consider relationship problems: do they need to be fixed or healed?

In this context the question is more difficult because both are often called for. If I have been dishonest with you causing damage to your ability to trust me, then I need to fix my behavior and allow there to be time for the relationship to heal. I suppose this is analogous to a broken bone needing to be set so that it can heal properly.

When something needs to be fixed, it calls for us to be proactive in identifying what needs to be done and then doing it. When something needs to heal, our job is to protect the space around the wound or injury, allowing in only what will contribute to the process of healing.

“Does this need to be fixed or healed?” is just one of those good questions to keep around. Sometimes the answers will be obvious, and other times the question may just get us thinking in a different direction. Certainly using the question will save some valuable energy when we can stop trying to fix what can only be healed, and stop waiting around for what needs fixing to heal.

Write the question down on an index card and put it in your pocket, your wallet, or your purse. Carry the question everywhere you go for the next week or so – test drive it.

See if it makes a difference.

Click cover for info!

Copyright © 2011 – Thom Rutledge. All rights reserved. Reprinted with Permission. Thom Rutledge is a psychotherapist, speaker and author of several books, including Embracing Fear. For more information visit www.ThomRutledge.com.

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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When You Look Into the Mirror. . . Who Do You See?

When you look into the mirror. . .

Do you see someone who has wasted their life away? Do you see a person that is filled with hope or do you see a person that needs hope? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you know who you are? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? Who do you think you are? Do you like what you see? Can you look into the mirror and honestly say to yourself. . . “I love me!”?

Do you see insecurity or confidence? Do you first see the flaws or low self-esteem rather than what you like about yourself? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you see the person you always wanted to be?

Do you see someone who may be run down, tried, a failure, no good, not good enough, ugly, too tall, too short, too heavy, to thin, not enough intelligence, not enough success, not enough energy, or not enough happiness.

Nothing trumps honesty and authenticity! These questions need be explored. The truth of where you are on your path of evolution and growth will stare right back at you. The answers to these questions can reveal to you the areas in your life that need healing.

You don’t have to be “hot” or “attractive” to be a beautiful person. Outside the limiting story you tell yourself when you look into a mirror is an unspeakable degree of freedom – a freedom to be yourself – no longer pretending to be someone, someone else thinks you should be. That’s hard work!

Is the person you see in the mirror a distorted image of what you think about yourself?

I remember – at a particularly low point in my life – looking into a full-length mirror after exiting from the shower and just looking at myself. Then I surprised me by saying aloud, “Who the hell do you think you are?” “Who am I, really?” Then I cried.

That moment was a breakthrough for me. It was an “ah-ha” moment. When I began to look at the reasons why the tears came, I realized that up until then, I had been fooling myself. I was not who I pretended to be. I wasn’t even the person I wanted to be. I began a serious exploration of my self-image and began to make some major behavioral changes.

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time. What we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” ~ Sydney J. Harris

I worked on changing my thinking. Your physical body is truly a reflection of the thoughts you think. A thought doesn’t have any power in itself. Only you have the capability to remove or attach beliefs to any thought you think. Your beliefs. . . your faith in the thoughts make them powerful – and thoughts become the things.

I had what I call a lot of “negative self-talk.” I learned that what you think about and what you speak about is what you bring about. My life was a perfect design of what I had been thinking. I began to change that.

You may have to give yourself a little push toward a higher view of yourself.

I challenge you to do the same. Take a good look at yourself. Stare into your own eyes for a while. Discard any thoughts of who you think you are and slowly begin to discover the real you. What is it that you really like about yourself? Make a list of at least 10 things – no matter how insignificant you think they are – post the list on the mirror you look at in the morning and review the list everyday. That’s what I did.

Start with #1 at the top of your list and look yourself in the eyes and repeat what you have written that you like about yourself. Say it out loud. The next day do the same thing with #2. When you get to the end, begin again. From time-to-time you may want to expand your list. That is the exciting part of this process, because the better you begin to feel about yourself, the more you discover what you like about yourself.

“You have to learn to see the big picture. Get on track with the BIG picture and get ready for the ride of a lifetime! The image you hold of yourself otherwise known as your self-image is the view you hold in your head about who you are. As hard as you work to do and be more you will not and cannot ever outperform it. Your self-image is the limiting factor in your success.” ~ Matthew Britt

You deserve to be and feel happy. That starts with loving the one you see in the mirror.

BONUS Article: You Will Never Outperform Your Own Self Image

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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10 Reasons it’s Tough to Love a Smoker

Smoking is a bad habit. Despite the fact that the negative aspects of smoking are well documented, many people still choose to smoke on a regular basis. Those who choose to smoke take on day-to-day lifestyle changes that can change the way they interact with others and drastically affect their personal health and hygiene. Here are 10 reasons why it’s tough to love a smoker:

1. Secondhand Smoke: One of the biggest reasons it’s hard to love a smoker is secondhand smoke. Your health is at risk when smokers light up next to you and blow smoke around you. Second hand smoke has been shown to be even more unhealthy than first-hand smoke and this can have major health consequences for those who unwittingly breathe it in. If you know a smoker who continually smokes around you, urge them to do so outside and away from others who don’t want to smoke.

2. Smelly Clothes: Tobacco smoke has a distinct and lingering odor that is incredibly difficult to eliminate from clothing. Cologne, Febreeze, and other odor fighters just don’t seem to completely mask the sometimes overpowering smell of smoke. As a result, even if you haven’t smoked in hours, people around you will likely be able to identify you as a smoker. That constant odor can make snuggling up with a smoker more challenging than a non-smoker.

3. Bad Breath: No matter how often they brush their teeth or gargle mouthwash, smokers are left with bad breath. Kissing a smoker is really like kissing an ashtray. And it gets worse. A smoker’s teeth and gums suffer major consequences that can result in crooked, yellow teeth, receding gums, and other dental problems. The oral hygiene issues surrounding smokers can make loving them that much harder, especially if you are a stickler for bad breath.

“Kissing someone who smokes is like licking the bottom of an ashtray!” ~ Larry James

4. Expensive Habit: Smoking is an expensive habit. Depending on how many cigarettes a smoker has per day and how long they’ve been smoking, it can add up to thousands of dollars out the door every year. That money could be put towards better, more productive things than smoking. If someone close to you is a smoker, see how much they smoke and calculate how much money they are setting no fire every time they light up. Maybe that will help them to quit.

5. Disappearing Act: Most smokers have mastered the art of the smoke break. That means they know how to disappear from any situation to get in a few quick puffs. This disappearing act can make working with smokers difficult, as they tend to disappear just when you need them. Chances are, however, that you can find them at their favorite smoking spot enjoying a few minutes of peace. Non-smokers don’t get that kind of freedom, and that can make loving a smoker even harder.

6. Grouchy: Ever been around a smoker who hasn’t had a cigarette in a while? If not, it might be a good idea to avoid them. That’s because a smoker who has gone without for a long period of time tends to be grouchy. Sometimes they can be downright mean. When a smoker abstains, the nicotine level in their blood drops, and they begin to crave nicotine while simultaneously experiencing withdrawal symptoms like headache and nausea. The best thing you can do is avoid a smoker when they are in desperate need of a cigarette.

7. Bad Attitude: Even when a smoker has had their fix, their dependence on cigarettes can sometimes bring about a negative attitude in general. From the worker who takes a smoke break when they might be on call to the young rebellious teenager who smokes to get back at overbearing parents, smokers can sometimes have a uniquely stubborn and pessimistic attitude. Of course, not all smokers are like this, but those that are can definitely be harder to love.

8. Refuses to Quit: A smoker does not give up their habit likely. That’s mainly because cigarettes are frighteningly addictive. If you try to encourage a smoker to quit, you’re likely to be disappointed. Cigarette smoking has one of the highest relapse rates of any habit and that means trying to get a smoker to quit is probably a fruitless attempt.

9. Poor Health: Smoking is not a healthy habit. Not only can it leave otherwise healthy individuals short of breath, but it can also cause long term health effects that can be far more devastating. Knowing this can cause frustration for non-smokers who only want the best for their smoker friends. Despite the well-known health effects, smokers can be stubborn about quitting, and that makes them harder to love.

10. Smelly Car: There is something unique about a smoker’s vehicle. It’s definitely the smell. Like a smoker’s clothes and an indoor smoker’s home, a smoker’s car takes on the distinct aroma of cigarette smoke. But the car has a special tool of torture for non-smokers: Air conditioning. In the summer when a smoker first starts their car in the evening, hot, smelly cigarette smoke air is blown right in your face. This can be very frustrating for a non-smoker.

BONUS Article: Smoking “Low-Tar” & “Lights”? You’re Fooling Yourself!

Larry’s Note: Only in America. . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store!

Copyright © 2011 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Burning the Candle at Both Ends

“She gets up while it is still dark… her lamp does not go out at night.” Proverbs 31

“Burning ones candle at both ends” is often said about someone who’s working too hard with too many things, and as a consequence has to stop before he or she is “done”. It typically means that one is staying up too late at night and getting up too early in the morning in an attempt to get more things done.

A candle is intended to be burned from one end to the other only. “To burn the candle at both ends” implies that someone is simultaneously doing two things which are inconsistent or in conflict with each other (such as a married person carrying on a secret affair or one partner spending too much time at work and not paying enough attention to the relationship).

“Knowingly burning the candle at both ends and finding that it often gives a lovely light” ~ Christopher Hitchens

The beauty of this metaphor is the visual image of a candle burning from both ends, consuming itself as it burns; and the danger of being burned. Burning the candle at both ends implies that the two burning ends will eventually meet (“the truth will out”), in fact more quickly than one end alone burning, and in doing so, the “double ended burner” is warned that THEY will be the one who is burned from engaging in this duplicity.

Well, if you were to light a candle at both ends it would burn down in half the time compared to one that’s only burning at one end. If you consider the burn time you’d get from the ordinarily lit candle as normal, then double lit candle would go out prematurely.

If you want your relationship to survive, you must discover what is meaningful to you and focus your attention on that. Connecting to what matters to you illuminates your purpose. Having a purpose nourishes your relationship.

Marriage is a two way street and it takes the efforts of both the partners to make it work. After the initial excitement is over most relationships goes stale causing the partners to focus more of their time on work. This is because after some time after marriage the priorities of one or both of the partners tends to shift into children, job responsibilities, money etc., and as a result they tend to neglect the partner or take the partner for granted enabling boredom to creep in the relationship. It’s important to stay connected to your partner and your family to avoid stress and relationship drift.

It is ultimately not in your best interest to continue burning the candle at both ends. When you burn the candle at both ends you get very little sleep or rest because you are working or studying (or celebrating) late into the night, and then starting again very early the next day. The pressure to get things done faster and better than everyone else can have a crushing impact on our mental and physical health. There’s a good chance that you’re going to get burned.

Notice how your body feels when you have adequate sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Just notice. If noticing convinces you that you feel better and have more energy, do something with that knowledge – noticing alone won’t change anything. Changing your attitude and your behavior will.

Take time for outside interests. . . with your partner. Don’t have time? Make time! Plan time! Many men have trouble balancing work and their family life. They have poor relationships with family members and their partner. Slow down a little. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Schedule play time. Play is another one of the most significant ingredients that can keep your relationship strong.

Every once in a while, you need to stop and listen to the music, smell the flowers, and sip the coffee. Life is too short to miss out on these little treasures.

Children seem to grow up much faster now days. Blink and you miss the most important time of their lives. They need you. They need to see their mother and father interacting with each other and with them.

At some point you need to reassess and ask yourself whether you are finding the balance between work and play. You cannot continue to avoiding responsibility for your relationship. If you burn the candle at both ends you may not be as bright as you thought you were!

Don’t wait too long. There is often a point of no return. Never sacrifice your relationship for work. You can always get another job, but you may never again find a partner who will be willing to put up with your devotion to work and be willing to help you redirect your focus on the family.

Stop burning the candle at both ends. Stop trying to cram too many activities into your daily schedule. Just stop it NOW. The space-time continuum is limited for a reason – to try to keep you from doing everything at once. Even if you could get everything done – which you can’t – what use is it if you are too exhausted and burned out to enjoy your relationship.

The last thing you need is to experience burnout in your relationship. Smart people are astute at finding the smartest, healthiest most satisfying way to use the same 24 hours that God has given to each of us every day. Never be too busy to pay attention to your relationship.

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Perk Up Your Day!

Curb stress and boost your mood with a few of these “off-the-wall” reminders.

Put a little “oomph” in whatever you do.

Get your glow on. Always wear a smile.

Plan a “spring fling” with the one you love! Do something special (perhaps a surprise) to demonstrate your love.

Watch a sunrise or sunset together. Bring a picnic basket with snacks and your favorite beverage. Let the warmth you feel for your partner be felt.

Your body is mostly water. Don’t let it get thirsty. Lubricate. Just add water.

Get the kinks out. Get fit. Run a short distance to see what that feels like. Zig and zag for the fun of it.

Do you have a bicycle? Ride it. Go for a “joy” ride.

Expand your attention span. It’s important to notice the little things your partner does. Acknowledgement is an important part of a healthy love relationship.

Immerse yourself in intimate conversation with the one you love. Learn to talk about anything and everything, all the time.

Don’t smother your partner. No one can grow in the shade. Partners need space to rejuvenate, to get back on track or just to spend some time alone. If you hover. . . they just might run for cover. Everyone needs their space.

Your pants or dress don’t fit? Peel off some pounds. Jump rope. Hop and skip. Take a brisk 10 minute walk. Hold hands. Do a simple workout several times a week.

Be good to yourself. Never beat yourself up over a mistake you may have made. Be less critical of yourself and others. Forgive yourself and move on.

Don’t do everything in such a rush. Slow down. Learn to relax. Take a deep breath.

Be a kid again. Remember to be silly. It’s okay to cut up and play nice. “No KIDding!” Play hop scotch. See if you can stand on your head for more than 10 seconds.

Stay positive. Never give up on what you want to accomplish. Be a dreamer and schemer. When your heart speaks, listen to it. If you falter. . . go for it again. Never give up on your dream.

Eat right. Give up “junk” food. Ease off on the colas. You have to live in your body. . . treat it right!

Give your partner a loooong, juicy kiss! Make it last a lot longer than you usually do.

Turn over a new leaf! You don’t have to wait until the first of the year to begin again. Starting over is fun. Focus.

Get creative. Spice up your relationship. Be more spontaneous. Be more uninhibited. Do things differently!

Love with all your heart and soul. Always remember to speak, “I love you” at least once each day. Express love in new and exciting ways. Remember to love yourself and do nice things for you too.

BONUS Article: Kidding Around With Romance

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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