Working Together Helps Get Your Own Needs Met

Working together in a love relationship to get your individual needs met and the mutual needs of the relationship and not have expectations about how those needs get met will always generate new things to talk about. Having expectations about how your needs get met is not only unrealistic it is an unhealthy attitude.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn’t show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed.

A better way might be to have your need for being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Being okay with how they love you creates a sense of adventure; it creates new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience together. Often challenges show up.

However, when two people really love each other and are committed to work together, challenges like these create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire. They then choose to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by this new way of being and know that everything is going to be okay.

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Expectations. . .

We get pretty much what we expect to get in our relationship. What we expect to get is what we focus on. If it turns out good, we should not be disappointed. If it turns out bad, we should not be disappointed. We got what we expected. What else did we expect to get?

“Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that’s too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot!” ~ Guy Finley

Perhaps we should learn to be in a relationship with no expectations. In a spirit of unity, only and always work together, all the time, to create the best relationship we can. All the time. With intention. In a spirit of unity. All the time.

If we could do that, maybe we wouldn’t have to be concerned about expectations when they surface; we would know things were always going to be as good as the people working on them. Perhaps that is why it is important to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we can do a great relationship with ourselves, we can do a great relationship with two people.

When we reach that place, we can have a great relationship with someone else because we already know how to be in a great relationship. . . with ourselves!

Copyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Unfulfilled Expectations

We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem; a problem we create by our expectations.

Try this: “no expectations, fewer disappointments.” It’s that simple. Not easy. Simple.

No expectations equal unconditional love. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don’t show up, we either chose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the direction of failure.

“Okay,” you say, “that’s nice, but everyone has expectations!” Perhaps.

Today’s lesson to learn is this: Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Think about it. Your most recent issue with your partner relates in some way to an expectation that you had that didn’t get fulfilled. Right?

“Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that’s too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot!” ~ Guy Finley

Instead of being consistently confused by what you “expect” from your partner (and seldom get), focus and communicate your “needs.” Most people do not do this. First, “you” must be clear about what you need from the relationship. Second, let your partner in on your little secret.

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

In my experience as a relationship coach, I would rate “unfulfilled expectations” as number 2 in a list of relationship problems.

What are your comments on this?

Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com