The Art of Suave, Guest Author
Years of coaching and observing men interacting with women has helped us to identify many things that will instantly KILL a guy’s chance of continuing a conversation with a woman.
Don’t be a Sammy Shy Guy!
Today, I am going to talk about 5 key elements that can kill a conversation with women that you’re interested in. Whether your on a date or meeting for the first time, these are a must know.
1. Not using humor in your conversation.
We all like to laugh, right? We all enjoy the company of someone who can make us laugh?
When we laugh it makes us happy, gives us a sense of life and enjoyment, reminding us not to take everything so seriously. The fastest way to make a woman feel good and comfortable with you is to make her laugh. When a woman is bored and not enjoying herself, don’t be expecting anything special to happen from her side. I always tell my clients to this of it like a mirror. What ever you give is what you are going to get back. If you’re a positive, fun and outgoing guy, what do you think you will get back?
Without some form of humor, your conversation will seem very one-dimensional and limited. This is why it is a common desire for a woman to “want a guy who can make them laugh”.
2. Failing to listen.
This is critical. At this point, it is cliché to say, “You have to listen.” But, something so obvious is a very big problem for men, especially when they run out of things to say. The reason this happens is a failure to listen to the woman you are conversing with.
Guys who struggle to keep conversations going spend more time thinking about how the conversation is going and what to say, rather than listening to the woman. This prevents the guy from using his natural intelligence to come up with something ‘half decent’ to add to the conversation. When you talk with your family and friends, you listen to what they say right? And how easy is it to continue the conversation?
The best conversationalists listen to the other person and expand on what they have heard with questions, other related topics, and even jokes. These guys listen and then expand on the conversation, rather then being stuck in their head thinking what to say next. Women enjoy talking to someone who is actually listening to them.
3. Worrying about what she will think.
Typically a lot of guys who know they struggle with a conversation choose to say nothing to a woman rather than take the risk of possibly saying something that isn’t interesting. They complain that conversation is too hard and that women are difficult to talk to.
It is important to understand that women are difficult to talk to if you are speaking in the wrong way. One of the things that cause awkwardness is worrying what she will think of what you’re saying. Holding back when in a conversation because you are afraid of what a woman will think will only guarantee that she will not be interested in talking to you.
4. Being overly pleasant or too nice.
In the dating world women can sometimes perceive excessive flattery to be fake and an attempt at being nice. Remember that you should never try too hard to be nicer or more pleasant than you usually are when you talk to women. She will sense this and it will end up working against you.
5. Not flirting at all or enough
A man who doesn’t flirt with women will be seen as just a friend, never anything more. Flirting is not just a recommendation in conversations with women, it is essential!
Copyright © 2012 – The Art of Suave. The Art of Suave is a leading team of lifestyle and social dynamics coaches. Our goal is to help Australian men succeed when it comes to meeting and interacting with women through a series of PUA bootcamp and workshop experiences.
Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.
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If this has happened to you or someone close to you, you are not alone. 
It takes giving your love partner the freedom to speak what is in his or her heart. It takes knowing that what they speak about is only their opinion, they have a right to it and are responsible for it. The challenge is to be okay with that. 
Talk to yourself. Speak words of kindness. Often we are harder on ourselves. Comfort yourself. Think about what you would say to comfort someone close to you. Talk to yourself as mercifully as you would your very best friend. Spend time finding the right words. 
Few things are more frustrating in a relationship than having to repeat yourself because the person you are speaking to isn’t listening or both parties are so determined to get their own points across that they have little regard for what the other is saying. We all like to broadcast their thoughts and feelings, however not at the same time. 
Effective communication is the most vital component in having a healthy love relationship. Communication occurs when one person talks and the other listens. The “effective” part of communication is one that includes clarity in expression and the mutual exchange of thoughts and feelings. 
Perhaps it’s all about interpretation! Maybe men and women really are from different planets! Could it be true that we all experience contrasting realities of the same event? Do we all think we are right? Are we committed to hold on to that opinion? Does this make us happy in our relationships?
When disagreements cause you to experience anger, in the middle of all of this, seldom does anyone ever stop to consider the damage that is being done by the choice of words that are spoken. Anger underminds your ability to be considerate of the one you say you love. Sure, it’s wise to let off steam, in a loving way, of course, but the pot shouldn’t be allowed to boil over. That’s when things get messy.
Invalidation can be seen in different ways but often it is given as a subtle put-down. “Your feelings aren’t important” or “Your feelings don’t make sense,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
Validating your partner’s feelings can be very helpful to the relationship. Learning ways by which you can acknowledge your partner’s feelings can diffuse a lot of arguments and help your partner feel heard. It can show that you have empathy for their feelings even when you disagree on something.
“Being truly vulnerable, transparent and genuine – becoming intimate – with your partner is not for the faint of heart. It takes a willingness to learn how your partner wants to be loved, emotionally and sexually, and to honor that. It requires you to have the emotional strength and spiritual courage of a warrior: committed to take on the difficult challenge ahead and never surrender. To succeed will be the greatest victory imaginable.” ~ Lori and Bob Hollander, 
It takes a brave soul to really trust enough to be intimate. Although the protective shell of non-vulnerability helps when dealing with the outside world, those closest to us deserve to see us as we truly are. Intimate relationships take commitment. Commitment is a deep trust, a devotion discovered in the choice to be together. Commitment needs no agreements because it is based on desire, not obligation. A forever love relationship requires devotion, loyalty and a mature ability to commit to making the relationship work no matter what.
LoveNote. . . Being able to share yourself in an atmosphere of safety and trust is the key to overcoming the fear that inhibits love. ~ Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D.
“Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.” ~ Hara Estroff Marano, Editor at Large of 
If you are running away from a relationship where there was once a lot of love, you are a coward if you don’t at least seek to understand what caused the problem and agree to work on it together or with a relationship coach. Part of the problem is that often we feel hopeless – that there is no use trying – because instead of heeding the warning signs (and there are ALWAYS warning signs) we wait until it’s too late and both partners give up. 
There will be times when you are less aware of your loving feelings, more into your own interests, perhaps things have even become a little selfish and routine. Notice when this happens. Those are the times to remember all the wonderful things you have done together, and still want to do. Remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities he or she possesses that made you fall in love in the first place. Remember, your wants and needs are just as important as your partners. If you give nothing of yourself, then you’ll get nothing in return. Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place.
Be generous with your words of love! Words describe your feelings. Love needs to be communicated. Make sure that the words you speak come straight from your heart. Relationships move forward faster as love is shown, not just spoken in words. Saying “I love you” and other words of affection often reinforce your commitment and devotion.
• “Tonight you can have the TV remote!” 
Relationship disagreements are disruptive to say the least. They make us sad, resentful, upset, angry and more. 
It is a wise love partner who is aware of the potential damage loose words can cause. Words spoken in anger inflict wounds that sometimes take a long time to heal. Think first, then speak.
Trapped energy causes you to cling to misconceptions about your relationship. The process of openly and honestly communicating will help you convert painful emotional energy into powerful energy you can use to move your relationship forward. Once the precious energy that was trapped as a painful experience becomes free, it can then be expressed as forgiveness, goodness, beauty and love. 
