Some Things Can Be Fixed. . . Others Must Heal

Thom Rutledge, Guest Author

Are you a fixer?

When someone tells you a problem they are having, do you immediately feel the need to offer advice? Is it difficult for you to just listen to someone who is in distress, to just be there for them without knowing precisely what to say or do? Are you uncomfortable with anything being in limbo? Are you addicted to certainties? Does your self-esteem depend on your ability to make things right for other people? If you’re answering yes to some of these questions, you are probably a fixer.

Did you just now experience an impulse to “fix” the fact that you may be a fixer? If so, you are definitely a fixer.

I find it helpful when faced with a problem or a discomfort or a pain to ask this question:

Does this need to be fixed or healed?

Think about it. The two options are very different. When a pipe burst below my kitchen sink, I don’t wrap a bandage around it and wait for it to heal. Similarly, when I cut my hand slicing tomatoes I don’t imagine that I can simply “fix” the cut.

Certainly when something needs to heal, we still attend to it. I can apply pressure and bandage my cut. Or if I have the flu, I can go home, lie on the couch drinking juice and chicken soup. But I know that as much as I might try to convince myself otherwise, I cannot simply fix myself so that I don’t have the flu anymore.

Consider relationship problems: do they need to be fixed or healed?

In this context the question is more difficult because both are often called for. If I have been dishonest with you causing damage to your ability to trust me, then I need to fix my behavior and allow there to be time for the relationship to heal. I suppose this is analogous to a broken bone needing to be set so that it can heal properly.

When something needs to be fixed, it calls for us to be proactive in identifying what needs to be done and then doing it. When something needs to heal, our job is to protect the space around the wound or injury, allowing in only what will contribute to the process of healing.

“Does this need to be fixed or healed?” is just one of those good questions to keep around. Sometimes the answers will be obvious, and other times the question may just get us thinking in a different direction. Certainly using the question will save some valuable energy when we can stop trying to fix what can only be healed, and stop waiting around for what needs fixing to heal.

Write the question down on an index card and put it in your pocket, your wallet, or your purse. Carry the question everywhere you go for the next week or so – test drive it.

See if it makes a difference.

Click cover for info!

Copyright © 2011 – Thom Rutledge. All rights reserved. Reprinted with Permission. Thom Rutledge is a psychotherapist, speaker and author of several books, including Embracing Fear. For more information visit www.ThomRutledge.com.

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Know What Turns You On

Know what you need from your relationship. Then proceed with confidence. Mutually discuss your needs.

Relationships fail when two people who have been in love stop meeting each others needs. This is another reason for paying attention to each other as the relationship progresses.

Needs change. Be sensitive to the changing needs of your love partner and your own. Talk about the changes and how they affect each other. Healthy people communicate.

Happy and healthy relationships are usually made between happy and healthy people — people who were happy and healthy before they became love partners. They are those who were content to first be happy alone so they can be happy with someone else.

It is only natural to have a list of qualities that you would prefer your new love partner to have or guidelines for how you would like the relationship to be. Caution. Be flexible. Know where you will compromise and where there is no room for compromise, then draw your line and stand on it.

You must know what must be present in your relationship for happiness to be stimulated within you. Know what brings you pleasure, then communicate those needs.

It is possible to fall in love with many people on the way to a forever love relationship. To allow yourself to choose a love partner who doesn’t share a major portion of the qualities you hold dear; who may not be in agreement with, at least, most of your guidelines, or who is not willing to compromise some of the things on their list for the love of two, may not be in your best interest. You could be setting yourself up for failure before you get started. Articulate your needs. . . often.

Remember, there are two people involved here. It takes two to tangle, two to always be working on the relationship together. Knowing what you want is a major first step. It will help you recognize the kind of love relationship you want when it shows up or help you to re-energize your current relationship.

It also takes more than just knowing what you want. As I said in my book, The First Book of Life$kills, “Knowing something does not make a difference. Doing something with that which you know does.”

I am convinced that we can come closer to a relationship of unconditional love when we affirm what we want as if we already have it, and working toward that aim, refuse to sit around and accept what happens as if we had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Being responsible in a love relationship is another worthy aim. I have tried that sitting around business. It didn’t work for me.

As you are, so goes the relationship. You are the relationship.

You have everything to do with how relationships work out. What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Our thinking makes it so.

When you expect to have a healthy love relationship and you do whatever is necessary to have it be great, you usually get what you expect. Relationships work out the way relationships work out. Sometimes things go great. Sometimes not so great.

I believe that a relationship consistently worked on by two people who really love each other always works out better than a relationship where love partners have doubts or low expectations.

Why would anyone want to be in a relationship if they had doubts about it or low expectations of it? There are many answers to that question and perhaps a few self-serving reasons. None of them truly justify or accurately portray a healthy love relationship.

For a relationship to succeed, it is important to know what turns you on and what turns you off.

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

10 Types of Kisses and What They Mean When Dating

The kiss can be a mysterious thing; one in need of interpretation, at times. This is especially true when you first start dating someone. There are many different types of kisses, and trying to determine what the other person is attempting to communicate, through the type of kiss they share with you, can be confusing at times. Perhaps these tips will help.

Peck on the Cheek – This is the polite kiss. It can mean several different things, depending on the person and how long two people have been dating. On a first date, it may be a means of testing the waters without seeming too aggressive. If you are wanting a kiss on the lips, you may need to initiate it.

Quick Kiss – A quick kiss on the lips, during a new dating relationship, usually means ‘I like you’ or ‘I had fun’. This is especially true of someone who is less verbal about their feelings.

Open-eyed Kiss – If you realize that the other person is not closing their eyes when you kiss them, this means that they are a spectator rather than a participant. Don’t bother.

Closed-eyes Kiss – This is a receptive kiss. When you close your eyes, your sense of touch is heightened so that you can experience the pleasure of the kiss more fully.

Uninvolved Kiss – Does it seem like the other person is less involved in the kissing than you are? This may be a sign that they are preoccupied with other things. This kiss isn’t going anywhere.

Full-mouth Kiss – Their eyes are closed and the kiss is lingering. This would indicate they are enjoying the physical interaction. Keep it up!

French Kiss – This is the open mouth kiss where your tongues become fully involved. This is a definite sign that the person is feeling passionate and uninhibited in their physical relationship with you.

Traveling Kiss – This is when the kiss begins traveling away from the mouth to other parts of the face and neck and beyond. These kisses are intended to arouse you and lead to much more than kissing. If you weren’t planning to have sex with your date, you shouldn’t let this continue.

Hesitant Kiss – A hesitant kiss may mean that the person is simply shy about physical interaction or it may be they are uncertain of your response. Either way, your response to this kiss will be the determining factor to whether or not the kiss is continued or repeated.

Crushing Kiss – If they seem to crush their face against yours in a way that is more painful than pleasant. This means they have no idea what they’re doing. Do your best to be kind, but let them know that they could decrease the intensity a bit.

Hopefully these definitions will help you out during the next date, when you’re trying to decipher the meaning of that kiss you just got.

BONUS Article: The Romantic Kiss
“X” = Kiss! – Did You Know. . .
“Need Some Lip Lessons?“

Photo Credit: “Senior couple kissing” – http://www.sciencephoto.com/media/141175/enlarge#

Copyright © 2011 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

Don’t Quit!

Have you lost hope that your relationship will survive?

Hope is the bi-product of perseverance! That is why when you really love your partner, you should never give up!

Success depends upon your staying power. It requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work sacrifice, dedication and respect for your partner.

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” ~ Romans 5:3-4

Any relationship that lasts will have conflict and trouble. It’s how you handle it that makes a difference. It is incredibly important that you have an attitude of perseverance in your relationships. Perhaps it’s time to pour new energy into your relationship, showing your partner just how much they mean to you. Never give up on your relationship!

“Adversity, and perseverance and all these things can shape you. They can give you a value and a self-esteem that is priceless.” ~ Scott Hamilton

A marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment; it is a pledge to do whatever it takes and whatever is necessary to keep your relationship together. Everyone has issues come and go in relationships. You need to know that there is nothing that cannot be forgiven. I repeat… nothing! It’s important to be committed to not to have issues in your marriage cause you to give up.

“Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.” ~ John Quincy Adams

If relationships were easy, than everybody would have one and no one would get hurt. That’s not the way the world works. If you want yours to last, you have to be willing to put in extra effort and get relationship coaching when the issues are beyond your expertise. There is no shame is requesting assistance.

There are many things you can do that will help you save your marriage and make it stronger. You both have to be willing to make the effort to sit down and calmly talk about your relationship issues or with the aid of a relationship coach.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no help at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie

In my experience, many of the issues couples face is that they hold on to being “right.” Letting go of being right is not the same as giving in. It’s the holding on to your position without sincerely listening to the issue from your partner’s point of view that keeps you both stuck. Understanding this means you can move forward and experience a more genuine love relationship.

“Consider the postage stamp; its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing until it gets there.” ~ Josh Billings

Take a stand for your relationship! Do everything to recreate a relationship that works for both partners. Work to restore your relationship by studying useful tips to satisfy the needs of you and your partner. You must speak life and commitment into our relationship. In the midst of troubling issues, reminding yourself and your partner of your commitment is a great help in helping to make a relationship work. Speak to each other in loving ways. Read good books, attend relationship seminars together. Work together. Never quit.

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

BONUS Article: Perk Up Your Day!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Ear Candy, Anyone?

Ear candy? What’s that, you say? Ear candy consists of the words that everyone loves to hear from their partner.

Words can convey your deepest feelings toward the person you love. Weigh your words. Think before you speak. Words make you smile. They touch your heart. They make you laugh. They cause you to feel loved. The only limit to the ear candy you speak will be your own imagination. However, just saying the words means nothing if you just say them to make someone feel good. You must say them only if you genuinely mean them. When you mean them they also cause you to feel good too.

Be generous with your words of love! Words describe your feelings. Love needs to be communicated. Make sure that the words you speak come straight from your heart. Relationships move forward faster as love is shown, not just spoken in words. Saying “I love you” and other words of affection often reinforce your commitment and devotion.

So… can you guess what is #1?

• “I love you.” – Both women and men agree that it feels good when you hear your partner say these words. Make a promise to yourself to say, “I love you” – out loud – at least once each day! More than once is even better!

“If you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just passes you by.” ~ Julia Roberts

• “What would I do without you.” – Appreciation is high on the list.
• “Mmmm… You sure smell good. What are you wearing?” – Compliments always work.
• “I’ve filled your bath with bubbles. I’ll clean up the kitchen tonight! – Music to her ears!
• “Thank you.”
• “I’m sorry.” – Only apologize when you mean it. Never let an apology wait. Only say this when you can express being sorry so they really get it.
• “You can count on me.”
• “I love it when you hold the hug longer than I expected.” – There is a certain healing in a warm embrace.
• “I miss you.”
• “Tonight you can have the TV remote!”
• “Will you marry me?”
• “Seeing you always puts a smile on my face.”
• “How thoughtful. The flowers are beautiful.”
• “I love being with you.”
• “I love it when you (fill in the blank)!”
• “What can I do for you today, honey?” or “What can I do that would help the most?”
• “You mean the world to me.”
• “I am so happy to be married to you.”
• “Am I glad to see you. I really missed you today.”
• “I was wrong and and I’m sorry!”
• “You are the best cook ever.”
• “Tonight I’d like to give you a full-body massage.”
• “Let’s just cuddle tonight.”
• “Word can never express how lucky I am to have you in my life.”
• “I love it when you touch me like that.”
• “You look incredible.”
• “How was your day?”
• “Let’s make love tonight!”

While reading this list, I’m sure you have thought of other words you have been delighted to hear. I encourage you to share them in the “comments” below.

“They do not love that do not show their love.” ~ William Shakespeare

Always remember… Actions speak louder than words. How often do you really, truly show your love? Without loving action, words mean nothing!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

5 Reasons Why Women Should Complain Less!

Lennie Ross, Guest Author

Bitch, bitch, bitch. How often do you hear your girlfriends complaining about their lives? Face it, ladies. We like to complain. In fact, we speak in complaints. It is how we communicate. While it may work just fine when we’re around other women, it does not work with men. If you want to form a closer bond with the man in your life, you need to dial down the complaints, and learn to speak in a language he understands.

Here are just a few pointers on how to communicate more effectively with your significant other:

1. MEN HATE COMPLAINTS: The words “why” and “you” in any combination will set your man on the defensive. Eliminate phrases such as “Why won’t you…”, “Why can’t you…”, and “Why don’t you…” from your dialogue. Men are competitive creatures, and when challenged they will often fight. You can still win your point, by using a different strategy. Turn complaints into compliments, by phrasing your complaints as compliments, by saying “I love it when you….” or “I really appreciate it when you…”. You get more bees with honey.

2. MEN HAVE SHORT ATTENTION SPANS: Give him the CliffsNotes version of your story and get your point across quickly—before he tunes out. If he needs more details, he will ask for them. If you drone on about things, he will not recall every point and you may get angry later when you realize he wasn’t listening. Eliminate that possibility by being succinct in the first place. And, remember, men like to fix things. If you present him with a problem, he will want to solve it so he doesn’t have to keep hearing about it. If you don’t want his help, then don’t complain about it in the first part.

3. MEN HAVE AN INTERNAL SCOREBOARD: Men are competitive creatures. They are hardwired with an internal scoreboard that records wins and losses—nothing else matters. That is why he needs challenges in sports and business. He needs to win. If you criticize your man, when you indicate that he has disappointed you, it is an automatic loss on his scoreboard. Men don’t like to feel defeated, so set him up to win and reward his for his efforts.

4. MEN FEEL EMOTIONALLY DISADVANTAGED: Men tend to operate off the logical side of the brain and research suggests emotions are overwhelming for them. When faced with an emotionally charged woman a man will frequently respond with anger. Men are attracted to women who exercise emotional self-control, because it supports their own personal need to feel in control.

5. MEN DISLIKE ANGRY WOMEN: There is nothing more unattractive to a man than an angry woman with a sharp tongue. An irritated tone or harsh criticism will shut down communication. The majority of men react more to tone than words. Make a conscious effort to reclaim that sweet, soft feminine voice you were born with. Talk slower and softer and he will react more favorably. Rather than criticize and attack, positively impact your relationship with your dulcet speech. Do not underestimate the power of sultry, flirtatious suggestions. You will train him to respond eagerly to your voice.

If you truly are committed to developing a better relationship, find ways to incorporate these suggestions. You will experience female empowerment without having to be assertive like a male, and you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationship.

Copyright © 2011 – Lennie Ross. Lennie Ross is the author of the chick lit novel Blow Me and writes a blog on sex, dating, and disappointment in the City of Angels. Blow Me is the story of three single women all hovering precariously close to forty, and stuck in a lifestyle that they have long outgrown and is LA’s answer to Sex and the City. It is available on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Google Books. Visit Lennie’s website: http://www.lennieross.com and Blog.

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Can You be Alone and Not be Lonely?

The answer is YES although sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. It has been my experience that mostly people who are bored with who they are will say, “No.”

Lonely? You’re not alone. There is no shame in singlehood. Being lonely often feels like being abandoned, unloved and even rejected by the world at large. People are particularly prone to loneliness when they’re making transitions, e.g., from marriage, the death of a loved one or in a relationship to being single again.

There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely unless we allow ourselves to feel that way most of the time. Loneliness can be made more intense by what you tell yourself it means. It is a very real feeling. If we continue to always feel that way, then we need to work on being comfortable with being with the one we are with. . . ourselves!

“We must know that loneliness does not arise out of isolation from others. It is when we are isolated from ourselves that loneliness makes its presence felt. It is the distracted and fragmentary life that we live that makes us feel lonely and prevents us from living in the present moment; because when we are feeling lonely, our mind is crowded with internal dialogues, memories of the past and apprehensions about the future.” ~ Nazia Mallick

So, how do you get out of this rut? Don’t sit around by yourself. Put yourself in new situations where you will meet people. The last thing you want to do is build a wall around yourself and become totally isolated from others. Explore new activities and hobbies, ride your bike, go to the park – lean against a tree and read a book, visit a museum, go to the theater (by yourself), meditate, hang around positive people, get some relationship coaching.

Start a journal. Not a diary, but a journal. Keep busy. Never wallow in self-pity or your loneliness. Learn to be happy with yourself and to enjoy solitary activities. When you love yourself it shows. People like to be around upbeat confident people. Don’t overwhelm others with your own problems. Look to the future. There is no future in the past! Stay away from bars. Don’t overindulge in alcohol and non-prescribed medication.

Do everything you can – even when you don’t feel like it – to get involved in anything where you will interact with other people. We’re talking “social” relationships. This is what I call beginning to build a bridge to the future. Look for activities that interest you, that involve groups of people, like sports, book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts, art exhibitions, etc.

Second, (key point – pay attention) – avoid getting involved in another relationship. That is the biggest mistake that newly singles make. Resist the urge to follow friends advice who attempt to “fix you up” with their friends. That’s the wrong path to go down. No one is going to swoop in and rescue you. That alone is your choice to do the rescuing.

Volunteer. Find someone who needs help: tutoring, babysitting, house painting, car washing, gardening, cleaning, etc. When you help others it help improve your attitude and more. You think you’re down and out? Volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter.

“Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself.” ~ Denni Gill

On the other hand – having said, stay busy… you also need some alone time to re-evaluate what just happened and learn from “your” mistakes. While it’s true that loneliness is much more than an inconvenience, it can also be the best thing that every happens to you. It will get your attention and snap you back to reality. Being alone is an opportunity for reflection, self-discovery, and self-growth. It’s a time when you can learn to take care of your own emotional needs.

Work on you! Get to know you again. Take an inventory of your past relationship behavior. Don’t just concentrate on what you did wrong, also consider the things you did right. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and forgive your partner too. How can you love yourself, if you don’t spend some time alone to get to know you better?

“Don’t wait for your feelings to get you going – get going and good feelings will eventually catch up with you.” ~ Author Unknown

Want more love. Love yourself. Be more loveable. You have to give away what you wish to receive. You cannot deliver from an empty basket.

Use your alone time to enjoy yourself rather than just existing until you’re in your next relationship. There is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. My experience as relationship coach has taught me that when you can be alone and not feel lonely… that is usually when love will find you. So… there is hope!

BONUS Articles: Learning to Love the One You’re With!
New Beginnings! What to do, What to do?
How Do You Work On You?

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com