Lipstick on Your Collar Gonna Tell on You!

Sometimes a close hug with our very own sweetheart can cause a lipstick stain on your collar. Here is a good way to come clean.

Dust cornstarch or baking soda on the telltale mark. Place a cloth or towel on an ironing board and lay the stain on top of it. Iron the wrong side of the stain to release the pigment. If any residue remains, try a gentle wash in dish washing liquid.

OR… whenever attempting to make the sexy smear disappear, gently “dab” the lipstick smudge with a white tissue until no more lifts off the garment and onto the hankie (use as many tissues as you need to reach this point, only dabbing a clean area onto the lipstick!). This is only your first step in removing the oily color-infused part of the lipstick. (Do not-I repeat, don’t “rub” with the tissue or you’ll just make the stain worse, and even that much harder to remove.)

Next, laying the stained area of your fabric onto a hard non-porous surface, completely cover the lipstick smear with a dry mini-mountain of baking soda. Using a dry, soft nail or spare toothbrush, in small stroking motions, “sweep” the remaining lipstick into the dry baking soda and vise-versa. At this stage, you’ll be amazed at how much more of the pigment and oil still comes out of the fabric attaching itself to the baking soda (which will turn very pink).

When you are certain that no more lipstick is coming out of the fabric, shake the color-infused baking soda into your nearest trash can-avoiding getting it on anything.

Although you will still see a ghost of the original mark, cover it again with a fresh heap of baking soda, but this time dribble a few drops of white vinegar onto the mound until it starts to bubble up. (You’ll like this part!)

When the vinegar-baking soda mixture finishes bubbling, add just a few drops of clear dish detergent to the area and scrub like the dickens. If the lipstick stain hasn’t disappeared completely, rinse the area in cold water, repeat the steps above, and then launder as usual. The telltale stain should be gone.

Remember “record players?” Remember this song? Watch the video below:

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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When You Look Into the Mirror. . . Who Do You See?

When you look into the mirror. . .

Do you see someone who has wasted their life away? Do you see a person that is filled with hope or do you see a person that needs hope? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you know who you are? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? Who do you think you are? Do you like what you see? Can you look into the mirror and honestly say to yourself. . . “I love me!”?

Do you see insecurity or confidence? Do you first see the flaws or low self-esteem rather than what you like about yourself? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you see the person you always wanted to be?

Do you see someone who may be run down, tried, a failure, no good, not good enough, ugly, too tall, too short, too heavy, to thin, not enough intelligence, not enough success, not enough energy, or not enough happiness.

Nothing trumps honesty and authenticity! These questions need be explored. The truth of where you are on your path of evolution and growth will stare right back at you. The answers to these questions can reveal to you the areas in your life that need healing.

You don’t have to be “hot” or “attractive” to be a beautiful person. Outside the limiting story you tell yourself when you look into a mirror is an unspeakable degree of freedom – a freedom to be yourself – no longer pretending to be someone, someone else thinks you should be. That’s hard work!

Is the person you see in the mirror a distorted image of what you think about yourself?

I remember – at a particularly low point in my life – looking into a full-length mirror after exiting from the shower and just looking at myself. Then I surprised me by saying aloud, “Who the hell do you think you are?” “Who am I, really?” Then I cried.

That moment was a breakthrough for me. It was an “ah-ha” moment. When I began to look at the reasons why the tears came, I realized that up until then, I had been fooling myself. I was not who I pretended to be. I wasn’t even the person I wanted to be. I began a serious exploration of my self-image and began to make some major behavioral changes.

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time. What we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” ~ Sydney J. Harris

I worked on changing my thinking. Your physical body is truly a reflection of the thoughts you think. A thought doesn’t have any power in itself. Only you have the capability to remove or attach beliefs to any thought you think. Your beliefs. . . your faith in the thoughts make them powerful – and thoughts become the things.

I had what I call a lot of “negative self-talk.” I learned that what you think about and what you speak about is what you bring about. My life was a perfect design of what I had been thinking. I began to change that.

You may have to give yourself a little push toward a higher view of yourself.

I challenge you to do the same. Take a good look at yourself. Stare into your own eyes for a while. Discard any thoughts of who you think you are and slowly begin to discover the real you. What is it that you really like about yourself? Make a list of at least 10 things – no matter how insignificant you think they are – post the list on the mirror you look at in the morning and review the list everyday. That’s what I did.

Start with #1 at the top of your list and look yourself in the eyes and repeat what you have written that you like about yourself. Say it out loud. The next day do the same thing with #2. When you get to the end, begin again. From time-to-time you may want to expand your list. That is the exciting part of this process, because the better you begin to feel about yourself, the more you discover what you like about yourself.

“You have to learn to see the big picture. Get on track with the BIG picture and get ready for the ride of a lifetime! The image you hold of yourself otherwise known as your self-image is the view you hold in your head about who you are. As hard as you work to do and be more you will not and cannot ever outperform it. Your self-image is the limiting factor in your success.” ~ Matthew Britt

You deserve to be and feel happy. That starts with loving the one you see in the mirror.

BONUS Article: You Will Never Outperform Your Own Self Image

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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10 Reasons it’s Tough to Love a Smoker

Smoking is a bad habit. Despite the fact that the negative aspects of smoking are well documented, many people still choose to smoke on a regular basis. Those who choose to smoke take on day-to-day lifestyle changes that can change the way they interact with others and drastically affect their personal health and hygiene. Here are 10 reasons why it’s tough to love a smoker:

1. Secondhand Smoke: One of the biggest reasons it’s hard to love a smoker is secondhand smoke. Your health is at risk when smokers light up next to you and blow smoke around you. Second hand smoke has been shown to be even more unhealthy than first-hand smoke and this can have major health consequences for those who unwittingly breathe it in. If you know a smoker who continually smokes around you, urge them to do so outside and away from others who don’t want to smoke.

2. Smelly Clothes: Tobacco smoke has a distinct and lingering odor that is incredibly difficult to eliminate from clothing. Cologne, Febreeze, and other odor fighters just don’t seem to completely mask the sometimes overpowering smell of smoke. As a result, even if you haven’t smoked in hours, people around you will likely be able to identify you as a smoker. That constant odor can make snuggling up with a smoker more challenging than a non-smoker.

3. Bad Breath: No matter how often they brush their teeth or gargle mouthwash, smokers are left with bad breath. Kissing a smoker is really like kissing an ashtray. And it gets worse. A smoker’s teeth and gums suffer major consequences that can result in crooked, yellow teeth, receding gums, and other dental problems. The oral hygiene issues surrounding smokers can make loving them that much harder, especially if you are a stickler for bad breath.

“Kissing someone who smokes is like licking the bottom of an ashtray!” ~ Larry James

4. Expensive Habit: Smoking is an expensive habit. Depending on how many cigarettes a smoker has per day and how long they’ve been smoking, it can add up to thousands of dollars out the door every year. That money could be put towards better, more productive things than smoking. If someone close to you is a smoker, see how much they smoke and calculate how much money they are setting no fire every time they light up. Maybe that will help them to quit.

5. Disappearing Act: Most smokers have mastered the art of the smoke break. That means they know how to disappear from any situation to get in a few quick puffs. This disappearing act can make working with smokers difficult, as they tend to disappear just when you need them. Chances are, however, that you can find them at their favorite smoking spot enjoying a few minutes of peace. Non-smokers don’t get that kind of freedom, and that can make loving a smoker even harder.

6. Grouchy: Ever been around a smoker who hasn’t had a cigarette in a while? If not, it might be a good idea to avoid them. That’s because a smoker who has gone without for a long period of time tends to be grouchy. Sometimes they can be downright mean. When a smoker abstains, the nicotine level in their blood drops, and they begin to crave nicotine while simultaneously experiencing withdrawal symptoms like headache and nausea. The best thing you can do is avoid a smoker when they are in desperate need of a cigarette.

7. Bad Attitude: Even when a smoker has had their fix, their dependence on cigarettes can sometimes bring about a negative attitude in general. From the worker who takes a smoke break when they might be on call to the young rebellious teenager who smokes to get back at overbearing parents, smokers can sometimes have a uniquely stubborn and pessimistic attitude. Of course, not all smokers are like this, but those that are can definitely be harder to love.

8. Refuses to Quit: A smoker does not give up their habit likely. That’s mainly because cigarettes are frighteningly addictive. If you try to encourage a smoker to quit, you’re likely to be disappointed. Cigarette smoking has one of the highest relapse rates of any habit and that means trying to get a smoker to quit is probably a fruitless attempt.

9. Poor Health: Smoking is not a healthy habit. Not only can it leave otherwise healthy individuals short of breath, but it can also cause long term health effects that can be far more devastating. Knowing this can cause frustration for non-smokers who only want the best for their smoker friends. Despite the well-known health effects, smokers can be stubborn about quitting, and that makes them harder to love.

10. Smelly Car: There is something unique about a smoker’s vehicle. It’s definitely the smell. Like a smoker’s clothes and an indoor smoker’s home, a smoker’s car takes on the distinct aroma of cigarette smoke. But the car has a special tool of torture for non-smokers: Air conditioning. In the summer when a smoker first starts their car in the evening, hot, smelly cigarette smoke air is blown right in your face. This can be very frustrating for a non-smoker.

BONUS Article: Smoking “Low-Tar” & “Lights”? You’re Fooling Yourself!

Larry’s Note: Only in America. . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store!

Copyright © 2011 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Who Ya Gonna Call? – The Love Doctor, of Course!

Have you ever felt like you’ve lost track of where you are in the relationship? Perhaps it doesn’t seem to have the romance it once had or maybe you’ve drifted apart and you seem to be at an impasse?

It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve failed in any way. All that may mean is that you need a swift kick in the behind to get you back on track. A relationship coach might help.

The truth is that often the key ingredient that is missing in many relationships is plain old “common sense.” What is common sense? It is the sound practical judgment that is independent of specialized knowledge or training. Everyone has it. Some never put it to use. A relationship problem happens and common sense goes out the window.

When you love someone, it doesn’t make sense to slow down or stop communication with one another just because you have a disagreement. Smart people make it a point to move past the annoying problems that people with very little common sense allow to cause permanent damage to their relationship.

When communication stops – listening also stops. With no listening, there is no possible solution to the problem. A good relationship coach is a good listener. They will allow each other to speak and listen to what the other person has to say and if the couple can temporarily suspend judgment and their anger that is often a major step in resolving matters.

It doesn’t make sense to hold on to resentment or to not forgive your partner. To forgive means to “give up”, to let go. Let it go. Forgiveness is a journey. Forgive and forget is a myth. You may never forget AND you can still choose to forgive. You can forgive and tomorrow you may feel the pain all over again. As life goes on and you choose to remember and feel the pain, that is the time to once again remember that you have already forgiven. Mentally forgive again if necessary, next, move forward. When we allow it, time can dull the vividness of the memory of the hurt; the memory will eventually fade.

“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” ~ Alexandra Asseily, author of “The Garden of Forgiveness in Beirut”

One more thing about forgiveness; when you let it go. . . really let it go and do not bring it up again. That only reopens the wound and the hurt will never heal.

Sometimes just being able to freely express how you really feel about your partner – in the presence of your partner – opens up the opportunity to more clearly see the problem from both sides. A good relationship coach will listen and ask lots of questions the answers to which could and often does lead you to your own conclusion about what needs to be done. Once you have a better understanding of the reasoning behind your behavior, you will have a much easier time getting your relationship back on track, minus the resentment.

Notice that I said “behavior.” Your behavior in the relationship has to change for any positive change to occur. That is a fact.

It doesn’t make sense to hold on to being right when you know you are wrong. That’s called stupid! Do you want to be right or happy? Constantly fighting about little things doesn’t make sense either. If either of you can’t seem to get a point across without having a full-blown disagreement, a relationship coach can help you communicate better – in a way that benefits, rather than burdens, the relationship.

It never makes sense to blame your partner for everything in your relationship. As long as you are blaming anyone else for anything, you are giving away your power and creating more negative effects in your relationship. There is a payoff for everything you do. The payoff for pointing a finger at your partner and blaming him or her for your relationship condition is: you don’t have to take responsibility for your share of the problem.

Relationship problems are shared problems. To manage the complexity of a stormy relationship you must accept responsibility for your share of the problem. When you can do that, the problem is half solved. Not only will this change you, it will change your relationship with your partner.

So, the bottom line is this: Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Trying to fix your own relationship is like standing in a bucket and trying to lift yourself up by the handle.

When your relationship is about to crash, it is wise to take immediate action. Never wait until your relationship is past the point of no return. Be brave. Call a relationship coach.

“The best time – in fact, the only time – to make a real change in your life is in the moment of seeing the need for it. He who hesitates always gets lost in the hundred reasons why tomorrow is a better day to get started!” ~ Guy Finley, author of “The Secret of Letting Go“

Preventative relationship maintenance works too!

BONUS Articles: Preventative Maintenance
Relationship Speed Bumps!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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10 Signs Your Relationship Will End Badly

Have you ever gotten dumped and then thought, “I should have seen it coming.” Often times there are tell-tale signs that your relationship will end badly. Here are some of those signs to watch for.

1. Your partner has always been the one to leave a relationship. If your partner has never been dumped by someone else, if they were always the one to break off previous relationships, then you can be pretty certain that your relationship will end in a similar way. Don’t expect long term commitment from this person.

2. Your partner continues to talk about their previous partner. If your partner is always talking about their previous partner, even if it’s in a negative way, then that other person is obviously still on their mind in a big way. Chances are that they’ll get back together with them if they are given the opportunity. At the very least, you are only a secondary option in their mind.

3. Your partner treats you with disrespect in public. Do they ridicule you in front of others? Do they reveal personal things about you to their friends? Do they ignore you at parties but give plenty of attention to other girls/guys that are there? This is a relationship that isn’t worth hanging on to and you will be better off the sooner it ends.

4. You find out they cheated on you the first month your were together. If they were cheating on you at the beginning, then they probably still are and will continue to do so. They will either leave you for someone else or hurt you enough times that you’ll finally end it yourself.

5. You continually catch them lying. Are they continually lying about where they were or who they were with? This is a big neon sign that a relationship with this person is going to be one of broken trust. The future is certain to bring heartbreak.

6. You have very little in common. At the beginning of a new romance, your differences can seem insignificant, but overtime, a lack of common interests can take a toll on a relationship. You will find it hard to enjoy your times together when one of you isn’t enjoying the activities that the other does. Eventually you’ll both want to go back to doing the things you enjoy and not what the other person enjoys.

7. They don’t like your friends. How can a person be in love with you and not like the people that you like to hang with? Common sense will tell you that if they don’t like the people you like, eventually they’ll decide that they don’t like you either.

8. They are continually asking to borrow money. This is a big warning sign that you should not ignore. Once or twice, not a big deal, but if your partner, male or female, is always asking to borrow money from you, there’s a problem. If they get mad when you say no, then it’s time for you to head down the road in another direction. Financial dependence is a terrible basis for a relationship.

9. They are married to someone else. Yes, there are situations where a married person divorces their spouse and marries the ‘other person,’ but it is the exception rather than the rule. If you are in a relationship with someone who is already married to someone else, you are setting yourself up for heartache.

10. They don’t want you to meet their family. Don’t shrug this one off. When your partner doesn’t want you to meet their family there is usually a reason. The reason may be because they don’t want you to see what their family is like. No matter how wonderful the person may seem, if you are wanting a long term relationship with them, their family will come into play in that relationship.

Why prolong a relationship that has all the signs of leading to heartbreak? If you see the signs, the sooner you bring it to an end the better, for both you and them.

Larry’s Note: I would add one more. #11. You know the relationship is over when one partner “refuses” to work on the relationship. One cannot do the work of two.

BONUS Article: You Know the Relationship is Over When. . .

Copyright © 2011 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
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WARNING: Please Don’t Buy Any Relationship Advice Books…

. . . unless you really intend to read them!

“The man (or woman) who does not read good books has no advantage over the man (or woman) who can’t read them.” – Mark Twain, Author and Humorist, 1835 – 1910

If your marriage is teetering on the brink of divorce, or your relationship is in breakdown mode, don’t expect a relationship book to fix it! YOU have to do that. Not much communication from your partner? A relationship book cannot do that for you. Have you gone to marriage counseling but failed? Do you fight constantly? Is all the trust gone from your marriage? Or worse… has your spouse told you they love you, but they are no longer in love with you?

You can build better relationships by READING relationship books! However, reading a relationship book is just the beginning. While it’s true that a book cannot fix you, when you read about what you want to know more about, you can pick up some tips that might just turn your relationship around. AND you have to have a specific intention to change your thinking about your partner or relationship, change your behavior and then watch what happens. Books don’t work! People in the relationship have to do the work. I repeat. . . YOU have to do the work.

“In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.” ~ Mortimer Adler, American philosopher, 1902 – 2001

Books can be a best friend. They can provide comfort in times of need. They can introduce you to things you may never know. They can take you to levels of relationships that you could never imagine. Reading is not running your eyes over a book. Read it actively and enjoy it completely. I believe that people who read a lot are able to articulate their feelings with greater clarity. That can give you an advantage in a relationship. Reading will help make you a much better, more complete, and happier person.

Find your favorite “reading spot.” A reading spot is a place where you can be comfortable and read, where there are no distractions and where you can focus on what you are reading. Sometimes soft, instrumental music may help you focus. If you don’t know what your ideal conditions are, try reading in different locations. When you’ve found the ideal conditions, you’ve found a reading spot. Settle into a comfortable chair. Have a lamp on the back of you, lighting the area where you are reading. Make sure the TV is off and anything else that could distract you is attended to. Take the phone off the hook, put earplugs in. Some people will set a timer for an hour or so.

If you are reading a chapter at a time, when you finish one chapter, read the first few pages of the next chapter, then place your book mark at the end of the last chapter. The next time you begin reading, this tip will help you pick up where you left off.

“Books support us in out solitude and keep us from being a burden to ourselves” ~ Jeremy Collier, 1650 – 1726

A relationship book can offer tips, suggestions, old ideas expressed new ways, perhaps even a few new thoughts and if you are reading with an open mind; a mind that is ready to change its way of thinking, you might even find the inspiration to begin to reinvent the relationship you have to make it better.

By the way, smart people do not wait until their relationship is taking a dive before they do something about it. Preventive maintenance works. They read. They attend personal growth seminars together. They learn to talk so their partner will want to listen and they actually begin to LISTEN to what their partner is saying. It is a continuing process; one that should never have an end.

Unless both partners are willing to make some changes about the way they are being in the relationship, generally speaking the relationship will either continue in its “do nothing” rut or one partner will outgrow the other and eventually leave.

How sad to do nothing and allow the relationship to suffocate and die a slow agonizing death; both being miserable all the while and each partner remaining too stubborn to be the first one to take a step in the right direction. That’s called stupid! You must both take the first step while you are still afraid.

“It is a well-known fact that when there were no televisions or computers, reading was a primary leisure activity. People would spend hours reading books and travel to lands far away-in their minds. The only tragedy is that, with time, people have lost their skill and passion to read. There are many other exciting and thrilling options available, aside from books. And that is a shame because reading offers a productive approach to improving vocabulary and word power. It is advisable to indulge in at least half an hour of reading a day to keep abreast of the various styles of writing and new vocabulary.” ~ Damian Sofsian

All the tips and suggestions about relationships in all the relationship books you can read will not change a thing. Words alone cannot change anything. It takes action. Unless you are inspired to do something different; unless you change your way of being in a relationship your relationship will not get better. Simply reading a book won’t do it.

Does this mean that there is no hope? The answer is no. The hope lies in being willing to take what you read to heart and then doing the work necessary to make the relationship a healthy one.

Relationships are something that you must work on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Many times we turn to books at a time of crisis. Often this is too late.

What happens when your partner will not read a book with you? Let me put it this way, it is a far better thing to be working on your relationship alone than to do nothing and allow your partner to pull you down to their level.

“But,” you say, “how can the relationship get better if I am the only one working on it?” The overall relationship you have together may or may not improve, however your own attitude about it will. This alone is a positive step in the right direction.

You cannot make someone else do something that they do not want to do and expect good results. Until most people recognize the benefits of working together on the relationship, nothing happens.

Remember this: The most important relationship you have is the relationship you have with yourself. Often when couples are together they forget to continue to take care of themselves thinking and hoping that either their partner will do this for them or that if they work much harder on the relationship everything will be okay. Wrong!

You must take care of yourself. Put yourself first. Your partners responsibility is to do the same. TOGETHER you take care of the relationship. A partner who neglects their own well being is demonstrating disrepect for the relationship.

Your partner cannot possibly know what is best for YOUR well being as well as you, therefore it is YOUR responsibility to take care of you. The same is true for your partner. Two broken people cannot fix each other or the relationship.

Working and reading together is the key. Respecting your partner and the relationship enough to study the psychology of having a healthy love realtionship together must be your highest priority.

When you work together as a team, great things begin to happen. Learning to be a support to your partner in the relationship can work miracles. Lending a helping hand; offering to go the extra mile; walking hand-in-hand, together and being your partner’s best friend in the process is certainly a much better option than doing nothing. Right?

What if you are in a “Long Distance” relationship? It’s simple. Buy two of the same book then both of you read the same book and share what you learned by telephone or e-mail. It really helps to have regular conversations about relationships.

Some people read for pleasure, to learn new things, to keep up on the latest trends, for self improvement and to keep your business approach fresh.

So, your question might be. . . How do you get the most from reading a relationship book?

First of all, head for the local office supply store and buy two colored highlighters. Why two? Because the best way to benefit from reading a relationship book is to read it together.

While YOU are reading it, mark the passages that are important to you with a bright YELLOW (yellow) highlighter. Then give the book to your love partner requesting that he or she do the same, marking important passages as they read with a light BLUE highlighter.

Why? Because when there are areas in the book that are important to BOTH of you and the highlighters overlay, you will see GREEN. Yellow and blue make green. When you see green this time, it does not mean envy! Green means “Go!” It means these are the areas of the relationship that are important to both of you.

It is always a good idea to begin with areas that you agree upon. Knowing where you stand and what you both hold to be valuable to the relationship is a must. Some couples never stop long enough to consider how important this kind of information can be.

Next. . . take some time to carefully review the passages your partner has marked with their own color; make notes of what is important to him or her. These are the areas of the relationship that need your careful attention. Do your best to focus on what is important to you and to your partner. You need to know what is essential for your partner’s happiness and to care enough to do your best to provide it.

The next step is to openly and honestly discuss what you have read TOGETHER! What you cannot talk about keeps you stuck! Make a new agreement to talk about anything and everything all the time. Make it a promise you both keep. It may be one of the most difficult promises to keep, however the benefits are worth it.

Caution ~ Resist the urge to mark the passages you KNOW your love partner NEEDS to read. When the student is ready, the teacher appears! Let the teacher be the book. . . not you. Let your love partner read and get from the book what he or she needs to learn. It rarely helps to push your own stuff on someone else. It often only causes resentment or drives a person further away.

By the way, any reluctance or refusal by your love partner to FULLY participate in WORKING TOGETHER on your relationship, regardless of the way you BOTH choose to do that (counseling, attending relationship & personal development seminars together, implementing this idea of reading and discussing the relationship book together, etc.), is a RED FLAG!!!

If this is the case, relationship coaching is always a wise choice.

QUESTION: What is the best relationship book you’ve read? Please take a moment and post a comment below and be sure to list your favorite relationship book!

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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10 Reasons Not to Text Your Lover

BestDatingSites.org, Guest Author

Texting has become a very popular form of communication. It’s quick and easy. It can be done anywhere and is hardly noticeable to those around you. In spite of all this, texting may not be the best option for some communications, particularly those that are the most intimate. Although keeping in constant contact with your lover via text may be very appealing to you, there are ten good reasons not to text your lover.

1. Errors in sending. We’re human beings and human beings are capable of making mistakes. One of those mistakes can happen when we are sending a text. Our fingers can miss the intended target, without realizing it, and our text can be sent off to someone it was not meant to go to. It could go to one of our parents, our boss, a coworker or a complete stranger. When your text was meant to go to that special someone, it could be quite embarrassing for it to go to someone else instead. It could also create some real confusion if they think it was meant for them.

2. Electronic record. Your text messages are recorded on your phone and on the phone you send them too. You have some control over whether they are kept stored in your phone or not, but you have no control over their existence once you send them. They can be available for others to see or to be forwarded on for as long as that person should choose to have them there. Some time in the future, you may wish your words weren’t on record.

3. Where are they? You never know where someone is going to be at when they receive your text. At times, a very private text message can arrive when a person is in the midst of serious business. A couple of issues can arise from this. The first is that it can be a big distraction when they are needing to focus on the situation at hand. The second is that they may not be able to respond for awhile, or may forget to respond at all, which can leave you wondering why.

4. Who’s holding their phone? Occasionally someone may hand their cellphone to someone else to use or just to keep for them for awhile. Or they may leave their phone sitting somewhere around the home or at a friends house where anyone could pick it up. Considering this, you really don’t know who is going to be the first to see your text message. It may not be the person you intended it for.

5. Miscommunication. You would think that writing what you want to say would keep your communication very clear, but the opposite is often true. Whether it is text or email, your words can often come across in a way that you never intended and create all kinds of havoc.

6. Subliminal message. For some people, receiving a text message versus saying something in person is perceived as being impersonal. They can see it as a subliminal message that says, “You aren’t important enough to say it out loud.”

7. Don’t be a pest. In your enthusiasm to stay connected to the love of your life, your texting could actually turn into an annoyance. If their phone is continually notifying them of a new text from you, it may end up turning them off instead of endearing you to them. Don’t over do it.

8. Temptation. Texting can be a timesaver or a time waster. Knowing that you can be in constant contact via text can be a real temptation to spend time conversing when you need to be working or studying.

9. Phones can be lost. This relates back to the electronic record item. Your phone or the other person’s phone could be lost and accessed by someone else. Those text messages then become available for the finder to read and possibly respond to. You may think you’re carrying on a conversation with your lover and in reality it is a total stranger. Yikes!

10. When the relationship ends. Love relationships, unless they end in a lifelong marriage, eventually come to an end. Do you want the record of your conversations with that person still residing in their phone for them to laugh over or pass on? Probably not.

So, if you are going to send text to your lover, at the very least, keep it discreet and not overly personal. There are plenty of reasons not to record your intimate conversations on your cellphone.

BONUS Article: Can Modern Technology Mess Up Your Relationship?

Copyright © 2011 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com