Trust Yourself
LoveNote. . . Being able to share yourself in an atmosphere of safety and trust is the key to overcoming the fear that inhibits love. ~ Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D.
LoveNote. . . To love yourself as you are, you must let go of, disengage from, all thoughts and feelings about how you really should be. ~ Paul Williams
We must learn to trust ourselves enough to be the person who can accomplish what we want in a healthy love relationship. Then, and only then, can we be free to do the things necessary for our reality to become what we desire it to be.
Trusting yourself is an essential part of contribution in a healthy love relationship. For your relationship to mature, you must trust yourself enough to share yourself fully with the one you love. Trust is what makes sharing yourself with another possible.
Trust stands behind a guarantee that the giver will never lose, only gain. To hold sacrifice higher than giving is to scoff at the very idea of trust.
Trusting yourself breeds courage. Self-disclosure demands some risk of getting hurt. Your demonstration of courage, that is. . . revealing your true self to your love partner, in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, can open up new conversations that will support further disclosure in the most sensitive areas of your relationship, perhaps in the areas that count the most.
Trust yourself unconditionally. To the degree that your trust is conditional, you will have unrealistic expectations. That is not trusting yourself. You will find yourself getting in the way of what you say you want. Trust yourself. Stay out of your own way. And trust a higher power, with no strings attached. Trust God and do something!
Learning to trust yourself is to accept yourself for who you are. Trusting yourself enough to withhold nothing, to be totally open with your lover is emotionally enriching. Not everyone, however, is ready for the kind of openness trust creates. Trust works best when it is mutually enjoyed.
To your love partner, not withholding could be perceived as “moving too fast.” This could mean the beginning of the end. People are different. Situations are never the same. Trust yourself to say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said. Slow down a bit. Test the water and remember not to use testing the water as a cop out. Live life full out. Life is too short to withhold yourself from those that you care about.
In spite of all your efforts to ease into not withholding, some people will pull away. When you feel this happening, take time to have a conversation about it. Let people know what’s on your mind. More than likely, they have similar feelings, yet are afraid to confront them. So, they distance themselves from you, which, in effect, constructs a barrier only love and loving conversation can break through.
When you have tried loving conversation and your love partner is still affected by your openness, you have a choice to make. If you allow being with your love partner to inhibit you in being who you are, it may be time to reach some new agreements or choose someone new to be with. It may be necessary to move on to what’s next.
Copyright © 2008 - Larry James. This article is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. - CelebrateLove.com
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