Never YELL at Your Children!

Please, never YELL at your children! I was having a quiet snack at Taco Bell recently when the silence was broken by a mother who entered yelling at her three small girls. They looked to be about 5 to 7 years old.

I wouldn’t say she ruined my snack, but my thoughts were interrupted as she received her order and continued to scold her children. They were innocent little girls just being little girls, giggling, laughing and having a great time. They didn’t seem to be as annoyed by her constant rant as I was. The mom was causing a much louder disturbance than the little girls. Everyone was beginning to notice.

She continued to grumble as they were eating their tacos. Perhaps she was having a bad day. If so, she surely was taking it out on her kids. Bad day or not. . . there is NEVER a “good” reason for YELLING at your children.

If you pause for a moment to choose your words carefully and compose your thoughts, you can accomplish the desired result without letting everyone know you are out of control. It is not necessary to raise your voice as she continued to do.

I wanted to say something but instead choose to write her a brief note on the back of my business card (which, by the way, had my phone number on the other side).

As I was leaving, saying nothing, I handed her my business card on which I had scribbled: “You have three beautiful little girls who, in my opinion, were just being little girls. If you continue to yell at them, they will grow up to be just like you! Think about it!

I hope she got the message. So far she hasn’t called.

Thought for Today!

Real Success in life is not determined by measuring up to some pre-set social standard of accomplishment, but is found through the individual effort it takes to go beyond what blocks our way in the moment. Such a deliberate effort in the face of our own doubts and fears always proves these negative states powerless . . . which is the same as discovering within ourselves the power to be free. - Guy Finley

Red Hot LoveNote. . .

The passion of your relationship and your commitment to it will express itself in all other areas of your life, with family, friends and business associates. It spills over into everything you do. Every joy shared brings more love and loving.

The enthusiasm you have for loving one another shines for the whole world to see. The love, irrepressible desire and passion you share have their way of expressing generously back into the relationship and to all those around you.

Happiness is catching. Partners who are committed to spreading the joy of a healthy relationship will be more intentionally inclined and confidently dedicated to continue to work together.

An additional reward is experiencing the erotic pleasures that become available in the sanctuary of the boudoir.

Copyright © 2008 - Larry James. - From the book, Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers: The Importance of Great Sexual Communication and Other Essentials for Extraordinary Hot Sex!

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Thought for Today!

“The two choices I see for healthy love relationships is dialogue. . . or the death of the relationship. Love is an interesting game. There are either two winners or none. Collaborate with your partner and thrive. The healthy choice is dialogue.” - Larry James

Romantic Jealousy is Scary!

Jealously. . . it feeds on your insecurity, devours your self-confidence, and gobbles up the trust in your relationship.

Jealousy has been defined as an emotion experienced by one who perceives that another person is giving something that she or he wants (typically attention, love, or affection) to a third party.

Jealousy is an emotion resulting from the resentfully suspicious nature of man. It is a universal emotional trauma caused by things as well as people. Jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat - real or imagined - to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy has a mind of its own and it is strong enough to make us believe and see things that are not even there or that have not happened yet.

Jealousy is a “complex reaction” because it involves such a wide range of emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

Believe it or not, like other difficult emotional experiences, jealousy can be a trigger for growth, increased self-awareness, and greater understanding of both your partner and your relationship.

While some couples seem to feed off of inciting a playful type of jealousy, many other relationships are laid to waste by uncontrollable and irrational fits of jealous rage.

In small, manageable doses, jealousy can be a positive force in a relationship. Jealousy heightens emotions, making love feel stronger and sex more passionate. But when jealousy is intense or irrational, the story is very different.

Jealousy is almost always a demonstration of our own insecurities and low self-esteem. Unless an unfaithful partner has broken trust, about 90% of jealousy comes from from personal insecurity. When you are feeling unloved, be careful not to focus on your partner when the feelings are really inside you. Jealousy provides an opportunity to come to a fundamental understanding of yourself. You may be being driven by your fears.

Insecurities bring forth jealousy, which, in effect, is a cry for more love. It is within our rights to ask for more affection when self-doubts surface, however, the indirect way that jealousy asks for it is counterproductive. Excessive possessiveness is inappropriate. Jealousy is the surest way to drive away the very person we may fear losing.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to try and hide it. Jealousy is usually a signal of something needing fixing, and ignoring that usually only makes things worse.

To keep yourself on the right track of jealousy conquering, just remember these steps:

Acknowledge your jealousy. Ask yourself where it is coming from and why it makes you feel jealous. I suggest asking yourself, “What do I feel insecure about? Do I feel unattractive or uninteresting myself? Do I doubt the other persons love for me? Their physical attraction? Do I doubt that I can have the type of relationship I want?”

Make self-health and lifestyle changes that will assist you in fighting it off. Combine jealousy with a more rational emotion. Have patience and practice!

As long as you keep those steps in mind and follow them, you will learn how to take control of your jealousy instead of it controlling you.

Emma Goldman once said, “All lovers do well to leave the doors of their love wide open. When love can go and come without fear of meeting a watch-dog, jealousy will rarely take root because it will soon learn that where there are no locks and keys, there is no place for suspicion and distrust, two elements upon which jealousy thrives and prospers.”

Copyright © 2008 - Larry James. This article is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. - CelebrateLove.com

NOTE: All articles listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.