A Gift of the Heart

Want to know how to avoid a gift-giving blunder? To help you develop gift-giving savvy, when you give a gift during the holiday season or on any other occasion, make it a gift of the heart.

A gift of the heart is a gift we give to our friends and relatives that they want and need. A gift is defined as something freely given from one heart to another with no strings attached. A gift with strings is a gift of the ego.

The value of the gift itself is not as important as its presentation and the thoughtfulness behind the giving. Giving gifts that will benefit the recipient is a meaningful gesture. Good gifts move the recipient because they have been chosen with a thoughtful heart.

Giving gifts, while fun and enjoyable in theory, offers endless potential for frustration; thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing. The task of giving the right gift can be made much easier with a little bit of pre-thought.

Begin now to think and plan ahead. Listen for clues. Comments like, “Wow! That would be great in the family room!” or “It sure would be nice to not have to (fill in the blank)!” or “Oh, I love that, but it’s a little more than I want to pay!” That’s your cue to make a mental note and add it to your gift list.

When you give gifts people want and need, whether it is money, time, talent, advice, Love or other tangible gifts, you will begin to receive back to you what you want. Your friends and relatives will kiss the “returns counter” good-bye and reduce return trips to the mall. The last-minute, rush to the store to find a gift tells a story about you.

A gift given with the thought, “What will I get in return for this,” is a gift of the ego. Why bother? It’s a gift we give because we want to give it rather than a gift that fulfills a need or want. Gifts given from ego are seldom appreciated.

Giving a gift of the heart anticipates desire; what you are offering is wanted and is appropriate. Simple, well chosen gifts unite the recipient and the giver, are appreciated and are often treasured the most. Gifts of the heart light up our friends and relatives with happiness and joy beyond our wildest imaginings.

Thoughtless, inappropriate gifts cause more attention to be given to the giver. Desire for attention is better requested, in a direct way, not with gifts. A gift given of the heart is for giving attention, not requesting it.

What to give?

We can learn everyday a little more about gift-giving by “being” with the people we love so that we know what they want and need. Proper thought, feeling and inquiry must go into the gift selection. A certain quality of attention is often absent in gift-giving. Brief consideration does not create a considerate gift. Gift must be real and given from the heart to be appreciated.

Gifts should be a symbol of being related rather than a bid for reassurance that we are loved.

“The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift.” - Lynn Johnston

Copyright © 2007 - Larry James. Adapted from the book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.

NOTE: All articles listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

A Prayer of Thanksgiving

Be thankful for your relationships.

All of them.

Seems to me that there may be only two prayers worthy of praying. One prayer is to know God better. The other prayer is a prayer of thanksgiving.

Pray a prayer of self-discovery and one of gratitude, and know God is listening.

It is useless and wastes God’s time — and our mental energy — to pray for things. God has given us the ability to choose. Our greatest power is choice. To use this power to choose to pray for things that God has already given us the power to create may not be an effective use of our time.

I can imagine God being amused. I can hear him saying, “Why don’t they get it? I have given them everything and yet they insist upon asking me for the same things, over and over again.”

It may not seem logical that you should only pray a prayer of thanksgiving. If you are someone who has always used your prayers for asking, this may sound strange to you. This, to some, may appear to be an arrogant way to speak to God. Hardly.

“If the only prayer you ever said was, ‘Thank you.’ that would be enough.” - Meister Eckhart

God will view your prayers with greater reverence when you acknowledge that you have already been given the power to choose. Stop asking God to give you a great relationship. Instead, choose to thank God for a love relationship that transcends your own imagination, then do whatever you can to help it turn out that way.

It’s up to you to do. Take whatever steps are necessary to accomplish what you want. Do at least one thing everyday towards accomplishing what you have thanked God for. Make a call, attend a seminar; do whatever it takes.

Thank God every day for guidance. Listen to the still small voice within. When you respond to what you “hear,” the rewards are often more than you ever expected. Listen to your heart. It always tells you the truth.

In the past we have asked for a great relationship, never received it, and never bothered to do anything differently and wondered why God didn’t answer our prayer. Hopefully, we have learned that lesson by now. That’s like asking God for a great job and never going to look for one. Excuse me! I don’t believe that’s what God had in mind. We must be thankful and do something.

Being thankful for the relationships you already have is one of the keys to attracting the relationships you want. Cultivate the practice of affirmative prayer. An attitude of gratitude is faith in action. It is a very satisfying feeling to know that what you are thankful for, you will experience. What you focus on, manifests.

A grateful prayer begins the creation process. Let go of the “wanting” of it and focus on what it feels like to have what you desire.

Someone once said, “Pray without ceasing.” God hears your quiet thoughts too. Another good reason for keeping your thoughts focused on what you desire. Thinking positive is a good thing. Caution: Negative prayer (or thought) works too.

Saying a prayer of thanksgiving has you focus on the good things that are happening to you and the good things that are about to happen to you. That alone may be a good enough reason to only pray a prayer of thanksgiving. It creates a thirst for more of the good that God says is already yours. Think about it. You get what you really believe.

Is it true that when something bad happens we tend to not want to take responsibility that the bad we see is what we created? Not taking responsibility means we try to find someone outside of ourselves to blame. When we ask God for things and the things don’t come, who do we blame? When we blame God for not answering prayer, our love for God becomes conditional. There is no room for blame in an unconditional love relationship.

“Gratitude unlocks the fulness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. Gratitude makes sense of the past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” - Melody Beattie, author, “Codependent No More“

How can we justify loving Him conditionally when we, in our self-serving arrogance, resist believing that our misfortune is our own fault?

God always answers prayer. Always. It may not be the answer you want but he always answers.

Can we look at ourselves in the mirror, take complete responsibility for our relationships and all areas of our lives, and know that we do have choice and we do create our own reality? As within, so without. Consider saying ‘yes’ to prayers of self-discovery and thanksgiving and experience the miracle of good that God has already given to you. Then get busy and do something different. Change your thinking and your behavior and you will change your life!

Pray to know God. Thank Him for being there for you. Be grateful for the gift of constant and faithful devotion He has given to help you get to know Him better. Pray to thank God for His abundance. Let Him know how grateful you are for the relationships in your life. Offer thanks for your present circumstance, regardless of what you think or feel about it. Thank Him for the lessons of good you learn from the things you often call bad. Thank Him for the tears of joy and the tears of sadness.

Be grateful for your abiltity to create an attitude of receptivity. Thank Him for more love, courage and understanding. Express gratitude for the everyday miracles that occur that you often take for granted. Be grateful for the power of choice. Thank God for creating the possibility of unconditional love and for the self-discipline to stay on that path. Thank Him for the opportunity to express gratitude. Be thankful for all that God has freely given.

Now. . . receive it!

Whatever you want in your relationships. . . wants you! Thank God for that, too!

“To say that “prayer changes things” is not as close to the truth as saying, “Prayer changes me and then I change things.” God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature. We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do.” - Oswald Chambers

Read a special thought and prayer about gratitude from Rev. Richard Rogers.

Your thoughts?

Copyright © 2007 - Larry James. Adapted from the book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.

NOTE: All articles listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal Physical Intimacy!

Larry James

Foreword by Laura Dawn Lewis

Foreword - The inside joke with women? No man is worth bedding until he hits twenty-seven, unless she is willing to train him and spend a lot of time with batteries.

Until then he’s all effort with no technique. Men tend to dislike this whispered opinion. To each man, he’s already a legend in his own mind by twenty-seven and women will tell you with a wink, that is the only place he’s a legend.

Part of the problem is men see sex as a physical activity and women see it as an emotional activity. Perhaps this opinion explains why over 30% of women by the age of thirty report never experiencing an orgasm with any man in her life.

With sexual aids, many are discovering what they’ve been missing, perhaps explaining the huge and growing popularity of toys. Of course not all men are like this and not all women think this, but if women are honest or don’t think a man can hear what they are saying, many a revelation bubbles to the surface.

Truth is, anyone can have sex. Dogs do it, monkeys do it and so can any human being with the required commitment. Nearly any man can impregnate a woman but just because he can father a child, doesn’t make him a father. It makes him a sperm donor. Father takes effort.

Nearly every woman of child bearing age can get pregnant, but carrying to term and giving birth doesn’t make her a mother. It makes her an incubator and the delivery woman. Mother takes effort.

Same thing for sex. Sex any human can do. Intimacy, making love, becoming that legend in her or his mind, this takes effort.

If you’re interested in becoming a legend in your lover’s mind, these fifteen ideas will get you going in the right direction. Try adding one to your week for the next fifteen weeks, by next season you will be a legend!

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1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work. Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected. Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

2. Have a passion for life’s sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.

3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!

4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need or taking care of yourself.

6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it, study it, practice it.

7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure to each other.

8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!

9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!

10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner’s pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach orgasm together.

11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex. A “quickie” now and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of “taking your partner for granted” and can only lead to resentment. Make time for the time that is needed to “make love.”

12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay, engagement and afterglow.

13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.

14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner’s needs in the sexual arena.

15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve. However, to force or coerce your partner to do something they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful. In this scenario, always take “No!” for the answer. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate the respect to honor your lover’s right to say no without consequence.

Practice including the keywords that are in bold in your sexual vocabulary with your partner and watch what happens!

Copyright © 2007 - Larry James. Adapted from the book, “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.

NOTE: All articles listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

The Romantic Kiss

A kiss has been described as the height of voluptuousness. It has a lovely, luscious and lusty legacy.

Kissing is an act of quiet intimacy and often borders on the erotic. It can be brief and cool or lengthy and hot.

It can be highly romantic, building to a succulent crescendo of emotion and passion or passed off as something that is expected and therefore no big deal.

Any day is a good excuse for pucker practice.

Two pairs of lips are for kissing. It is an essential element for communicating love and affection in your relationship.

A kiss is a secret told to the mouth instead of the ear; kisses are the messengers of love and tenderness.

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” - Ingrid Bergman

A kiss speaks many different meanings to its lover; when it is missing, many interpretations as to the reasons for its absence surface. These interpretations can become invisible wedges that prevent love from expressing.

When love is present, kissing is an important part of expressing that love. Pay attention to it. Breathe. Relax. Slow down. Concentrate and engage the electricity in your body.

Kissing does not always have to be a prelude to making love.

Happiness is like a kiss - in order to get any good out of it, you have to give it to someone else.

A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.

This story from Pravda, the Russian News Service, shows that even in the former Soviet Union, couples are rediscovering what we refer to as “The Mighty Kiss”.

In case you thought the kiss was little more than a “romantic handshake”, we’ve decided to let you in on a little Russian research that shows that the kiss is so much more than a mere gateway to romantic expression. Here are just a few of the powerful effects the might kiss will have on you!

Kissing stabilizes cardiovascular activity, decreases high blood pressure, and lowers cholesterol.

Kissing prevents cavities and plaque build-up by stimulating saliva production while preventing gingivitis through the calcium present in saliva.

Kissing stimulates over 30 facial muscles which smoothes out skin and increase blood circulation to the face.

Kissing burns 12 calories per five-second episode and three passionate kisses a day will help you lose one pound!

“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.” - Gene Yasenak

Kissing prevents the formation of the stress hormone glucocorticoids which causes high blood pressure, muscle weakening and insomnia.

Kissing does its part to vaccinate people from new germs. Saliva contains bacteria, 80% of them are common to all people with 20% unique to each person. By sharing saliva with a partner, you are stimulating your immune system to respond to the different bacteria you are being exposed to. The result is that your immune system creates certain anti-bodies to these new bacteria, which in effect vaccinates you against these germs. This process is called cross-immunotherapy.

Finally, you may not be surprised to know that kissing offers an express analysis of genetic compatibility. While you are kissing, your brain conducts instant chemical analysis of your partner’s saliva and issues a “verdict” of your genetic compatibility. Think about it. Don’t you know much more about what you like or don’t like in a person after one kiss? And kissing is much more fun than taking a relationship inventory!

Oh, did we mention kissing also cures hiccups?

The next time you want to give your sweetheart the perfect gift, may I suggest that you use your lips to speak to your sweetheart instead of your wallet. Actions speak louder than words!

Kiss someone you love today!

Copyright © 2007 - Larry James. Adapted from the book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.” Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE.

NOTE: All articles listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Building Better Business Relationships

So, what about business relationships? They are important too.

Since 1987 I have been presenting business relationships seminars nationwide. There are several ways to maintain your business relationships. One of the best is through networking.

To begin, let’s look at a carefully worded definition of business networking. . .

Networking is. . . using your creative talents to help others achieve their goals as you cultivate a network of people strategically positioned to support you in your goals. . . expecting nothing in return! - Larry James

Having a clear understanding of the definition of networking is a prerequisite for networking success. What you put out to the universe, always comes back to you! Disappointment may follow if you expect a return from the person to whom you have contributed.

Networking is about building supportive personal and business relationships; it’s consistently meeting new people and making new friends, sharing ideas and having lots of fun in the process!

Making a commitment is often most difficult when you are not sure of what you want to accomplish from your networking adventures. That is why the first commitment is so important.

Commitment #1 - Blueprint Your Life! - No Purpose. No Goals. First, define your purpose. Know Purpose! Know Goals! Design your future by setting goals. Decide what you want.

Commitment #2 - Accept Responsibility! - Be accountable to yourself for the choices you make and for the consequences of your actions.

Commitment #3 - Be Coachable! - Listen for and be open to new ideas and suggestions others in your network of support may offer.

Commitment #4 - Show Up! - Be places that count. Make an encounter. Don’t expect a quick fix. Get involved in charitable and community projects, but choose wisely. Not all events will be valuable to you. Be seen. Attend business and professional meetings. Networking opportunities are everywhere! Begin local, then expand nationally.

Commitment #5 - Be Yourself! - Demonstrate your own authenticity. Be unto others as you would have them be unto you. Be real.

Commitment #6 - Pay attention! - Look for opportunity! Talk 20% of the time! Listen 80% of the time!

Commitment #7 - Contribute! - Be the solution! Networking is contribution; it’s helping others help themselves! Allow others to contribute to you!

Commitment #8 - Ask For What You Want! - Tell people what you need. They can’t read your mind.

Commitment #9 - Say “Thank You!” - Express appreciation. Acknowledge others for their contribution to you. Be creative with your gratitude!

Commitment #10 - Stay Connected! - Be in touch! Network on the phone, by e-mail and frequent notes. Never forget the people in your network of support and never let them forget you!

Now. . . get out there! How much networking you do is up to you. It’s a good idea to put some effort into expanding your collection of contacts all the time. Don’t wait until you need something. You must first give. The getting comes second!

Always remember the five most important words you can say while networking:

How may I help YOU?

There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, “Well, here I am,” and those who come in and say, “Ah, there you are!” - Frederick Collins

Copyright © 2007 - Larry James - Adapted from the book “Ten Commitments of Networking: Creative Ways to Maximize Your Personal Connections.” Available in book stores everywhere or call Larry James @ 480-998-9411 for a personally signed copy.

Additional Resource: Visit Larry’s Networking Headquarters! Lots of free networking articles, networking books and more.