Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Monday, April 14, 2014

Stick With It!

Filed under: Commitment,Relationships — Larry James @ 6:30 am
Tags: , ,

Work your own relationship program – the one that gives you hope for the future. Make it a lifetime commitment. Stick to it and never ever stop. My father used to call this stick-to-itiveness!

StickWithItWe often get so wrapped up in our everyday experiences that we forget that our relationship comes first. It does, you know. Make it a habit to work together on your relationship. Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

When you become discouraged, seek out someone in your support system, perhaps a friend whom you know will be your encourager – not just listen and tell you what you want to hear.

To paraphrase Vincent Van Gogh, “When you hear a voice within you saying, ‘You’re not going to make it,’ than by all means continue making better choices and that voice will be silenced.”

Agree as partners to keep your relationship in a constant state of repair by continually working on it. This is a good way to prevent future issues from occurring. Sustain your relationship by periodic visits to those best in a position to help you. Got a relationship problem you cannot solve? Relationship coaching is a wise choice.

Learn more about having healthy and successful relationships by visiting quality relationship sites on the Internet. Develop a need to read. Join a book club and purchase relationship books. Subscribe to relationship eZINEs. Attend relationship seminars. Get relationship coaching. You can never know too much about relationships.

Believe that the difficulties in relationships are challenges that can be understood, and once understood and worked on “together,” they eventually go away. Trust in the goodness of your partner. What you think about and speak about, you bring about.

You’ve heard that Love never fails! It’s true. Love doesn’t fail but more often than not, we are the ones who fail love. Some begin to slow down in the romance department; they stop working on the relationship. Never take your partner for granted. What you take for granted disappears. When you make a commitment to love your partner… keep it!

Stick with it and your partner will stick with you. Positive repetition builds your relationship reputation. Become known to your partner as someone who is consistent with their best efforts; someone with commitment, perseverance and dedication to serving the relationship.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, April 10, 2014

“You Make Me So Mad!!”

Filed under: Anger Issues,Choice — Larry James @ 6:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

We often cannot see that we have choice to be angry or not. No matter what happens we always have choice. The hurt we experience sometimes keeps us at a distance from responsible choices. We can move through the pain of a changing relationship much more rapidly when we remember that we are never without choice.

It’s okay to feel angry. It is also important to remember that no one can “make” you angry. That is only and always a choice.

angerISaChoiceThe psychological importance of working through painful resentments must not be underestimated. When old patterns are broken, a whole new world of possibility is born. Not to release and rise above suppressed feelings of hurt and anger is to remain imprisoned by them.

It is not okay to be consumed with anger. Anger is not something to be contained; it is something to be released. Express it with this caveat: consider the consequences of its power. Anger is something that can hurt if expressed with the intention to get even. Often we inflict our feelings of anger on the ones we love the most. Not a good idea. Everyone feels angry occasionally and everyone in the relationship feels its effect.

Whenever you become angry you are given the choice to challenge the anger or to surrender to it. Anger loses its power and you are empowered each time you challenge it. You have the power to transform the energy of anger to a constructive experience of release; a letting go of an emotion that can stifle your potential for personal and spiritual growth.

Anger hurts most whoever is angry. Choosing to be angry is choosing to suffer. Suffering is always optional. Only express your anger to get it out, not to win. In a healthy love relationship, expressions of anger are always followed by expressions of love.

Being angry is not living in the present. Anger only represents something from our past; something that already happened. The wise thing to do is to be present to our anger; acknowledge it. Don’t wallow in it. Create a new intention; to move through it. We must never allow anger to use us. Allowing anger to use us, robs us of the power we need to move forward. Instead, we must use its mighty energy to move us to the other side. There we will find only love.

When you have disagreements that allow anger to present itself, watch for the appropriate opportunity to share what is really in your heart. Little, if any progress can be made during meltdown. Allow a time for cooling off. This is a time when you must work together to create a space for each love partner to express their feelings without any fear that it isn’t safe to do so. Listen. Communicate. Give up your attachment to being right and settle for a win/win solution that serves both love partners equally.

BONUS Articles: How to Get Unstuck From Any Problem
Angry is a Habit
“I Need a Hug!”
Simmer Down

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, April 6, 2014

You Don’t Get Happy By Accident!

Filed under: Choice,Happiness,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

Are you tired of waiting around for happiness to find you? …and waiting and waiting and waiting.

Happiness can’t find you and you cannot find happiness. Happiness is not something to be found… it exists whenever you decide you want it to. Notice I said, “You decide!”

MirrorMirrorHappiness is a concisious decision that pushes it to express itself.

Your thoughts become words, words become acts, acts become habits, habits express your character and your character becomes your destiny. Imagine if your thoughts were positive – you would feel happy most of the time. I’m sure you’ve heard that happiness is a choice many times. Why do you suppose that is? Because it’s the truth.

No one can make you happy either. They may do things that cause you to make the choice to be happy, however, it’s always your choice.

It appears that what determines happiness is due to personality and – more importantly – thoughts and behaviors that can be changed. You can learn how to be happy – or at least happier. People who are happy seem to intuitively know that their happiness is the sum of their life choices. Living in the present helps. Look for opportunities to savor the small pleasures of everyday life. Focus on the positives in the present moment, instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Hold on to happiness. Visualize yourself being happy. Imagine it. See it in your mind’s eye. Hold the image of happiness on the canvas of your imagination. Happiness is a decision. Like Aristotle said, “Happiness depends on ourselves.”

Look for something to be happy about. Set a happy scene. Wake up with a smile. Every morning, wake up, look into the mirror and hold a big smile on your face, even if you aren’t feeling particularly cheerful. Believe it or not, just moving your muscles into a smile will increase endorphins and decrease the stress hormone cortisol that the adrenal gland releases in times of stress. Take a “selfie” of yourself making a silly face and pin it up where you will see it when you are not feeling happy. I sometimes will look into the mirror and make faces at myself. Just being silly when you are alone can also help. Sometimes I will laugh out loud. That always gives my smile a quick start.

“We have a lot of control over our moods,” says William Fleeson, associate professor of psychology at Wake Forest University, who has shown in studies that subjects can actually change the expression of basic personality traits on demand and lift their spirits in a matter of minutes. “We’re not slaves to our genes, and we don’t have to wait for someone else to do something good to make us feel better.”

Happiness is only and always a personal choice. Choose happiness!

BONUS Article: 10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Good Intentions Are Not Enough!

Filed under: Commitment,Intention — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Isn’t it interesting? We have good intentions, yet, somehow we often never seem to get around to doing everything we know must be done to stimulate healthy love relationships.

intention“Green lights and straight ahead” sounds like a great idea, however, without declaring good intentions nothing ever changes… it may change but you have no power over it. There is great power with intention when coupled with an act that one consciously wills. Good intentions without affirmative action get you nowhere. Your intentions are states of being and must be your authentic desires.

“Setting intention, at least according to Buddhist teachings, is quite different than goal making. It is not oriented toward a future outcome. Instead, it is a path or practice that is focused on how you are “being” in the present moment. Your attention is on the ever-present “now” in the constantly changing flow of life. You set your intentions based on understanding what matters most to you and make a commitment to align your worldly actions with your inner values.” ~ Phillip Moffitt

Power_of_Intention

Click cover for info!

Our intentions are good and we take left turns. We intend to be on the right path and we get distracted or we don’t have time. Or, “If he or she would only change!” Or, anything to keep from taking responsibility for the direction we really want to go in the relationship.

When you set an intention and then act on it to demonstrate your commitment, amazing things occur in your relationship. Intention is choice with commitment. That’s the only way it works. Your attention must consistently be on your relationship intention. Every single thing humanity has created began first as an intention. Inherent in every intention and desire for a great relationship is the mechanics for its fulfillment. Stay on the path. Avoid all distractions. Focus.

It is stupid not to do something different, when what you are doing isn’t working!

Begin with intentions! That will get you to the source of what you truly want from your relationship. Your intentions will assist you in taking greater control of your life and your relationships. It is also important to hold yourself accountable for doing whatever must be done to fulfill your intentions.

“You can hire a coach, join a mastermind group or create a success/accountability partnership with a friend. Having someone or a group of people you make commitments to and whom you empower to hold you accountable will make all the difference in the world.” ~ Mike Robbins

Relationships are worth nearly any price it takes to have them be great. Not in the sense of doing anything to have a relationship, but in the sense of each of you always doing the best you can, all the time, to have the relationship be good and healthy. It doesn’t get any better than that!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Back to the Future

Filed under: Change — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

Is your relationship going through a rough spot? Are the good ole days fading fast?

Instead of giving in or giving up… perhaps it’s time to take a look back.

changeCan you remember the good times? To stay motivated during the tough times, take some time to go back in your memory to when you were first together.

If I were betting man, I’d win money that you both have probably stopped doing the things that brought you together in the first place. Am I close?

What was it that first attracted you to your partner? It might help to make a list of those things. (Hmmm. I’m wondering how many of you will actually do this?)

Take a moment and look to see those qualities you loved most back then, right now. Banish any negative thoughts about your partner. Focus on the good, no matter how little good you see now. “Catch them doing something right!” Take care to notice the things you admire about your partner, no matter how small and next, tell them how much you appreciate them.

If you are stuck only seeing the rough spot you will mist likely get more of that. Think about it. If someone you know is always criticising you, most people will begin to pull away from them.

changebehaviorIt’s a fact… The more you focus on the good, the more good you will see. And when you take time to verbally appreciate your partner for the good they are doing, often what happens is the behavior begins to slowly change.

It’s time to take responsibility for your own choices. Healthy relationships demand it. With practice you’ll get better and it won’t feel like you’re hit with a stress bomb every time your relationship or life takes a different turn. The only way the fear and stress will disappear is if you calm down an embrace the unknown. Blaming others justifies your own bad behavior. Blame is like anger in that it dulls your sense of empathy.

I hope you have learned that you cannot change your partner. If you want change in your relationship, you would be wise to initiate that change. Always remember, change begins with “you.”

BONUS Articles: Re-imagine, Re-design and Re-launch Your Relationship!
I Will Not Ask Others to Become Different for Me!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

“I’m Fine!” and she stomped away…

Withholding communication from your partner is the first step in the wrong direction. Not saying what you need to say can drive a wedge between partners that can take time to extract.

Consider this familiar exchange from Therapist, Kristen McClure:

UndeliveredCommunicationHim: “Whats wrong?” (Genuinely baffled as to why his partner appears angry at him).

Her: “Everything is fine” (As she looks away from him, shrinks from his touch and displays body language that suggests she is pretty pissed off).

Him: “Oh, good.” (Knowing he’s in trouble, knowing she’s mad, but having no idea why and terrified about how and when he will find out).

Gals… you recognize this counter-intuituve inter-action, right? Some Guys will too.

Have you ever wanted to say something to your partner, but just couldn’t get the words out? So, instead you just say, “Fine!” Saying what you really “feel” can be both what holds you back from getting what you want and what stops you from experiencing the Love that two partners should be sharing with each other. It’s becoming vulnerable in that moment and saying what you need to say in the most loving way you can.

“Effective communication – especially in times of conflict – calls for a focused dedication and repetitious practice. It calls for honest self-evaluation, humility, a sense of fair play, and a willingness to change according to the needs of the relationship. And it takes (at least) two.” ~ Thom Rutledge, LCSW

Quick2ListenJohn Mayer sang it this way:

I want you
To say what you need to say
Don’t just walk away
Say what you need to say
Don’t just turn away from me
Cause our picture in the frame
Is slowly starting to fade away
I don’t want to lose you
So say what you need to say. – (Words by John Mayer, Copyright © 2014 ~ Sony/ATV Tunes LLC)

Undelivered communications is a major part of the overall problem of any communication issue! It’s important for your own mental health to not withhold; to say what you’re feeling, not in an angry, mean or accusing way but saying it none the less. Get what’s bothering you off your chest. Elaborate, lovingly. Know that this is a necessary conversation. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself once you do.

Do you have the guts to say what you need to say? It’s far more frightening if you don’t say anything. That keeps you stuck and your partner off balance.

He or she is asking, “What’s wrong” or “What is troubling you?” Look at those questions as an opportunity to speak what is on your mind. Speak up.

If things are not okay… say so. It’s also important to think before you speak. Edit your words to make them more specific. Be decisive. No blame. Speak to seek understanding.

“The best way to start and maintain a conversation is to keep it focused on you and your feelings and then at the end ask for what you want to have happen. Afterward, you can say something like ‘You don’t have to respond to me now. Take some time to think about it and let me know, but I just needed to let you know how I was feeling.’” ~ Cynthia Kane

If you are the partner on the opposite side of this dilemma, you would be wise to understand that your partner may be afraid to say what he or she is feeling. Resist the need to become angry or defensive. Avoid any emotional reaction. Instead you may say something like this: “I can tell that things are not fine… so when you are ready to talk about it, I promise I will be here to listen. I love you.”

BONUS Article: Forgiveness… What’s it For?
#1 Solution to Communication…

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, March 21, 2014

How Do You Work On You?

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags:

Often therapists, radio talk show hosts and others who provide relationship advice or coaching will tell you that in order to have a great relationship with your partner, you must first work on you.

While this is very good advice, something is missing. How do you do that?

workonUYou begin by really paying attention to what YOU need to be fulfilled as an individual. Focus on YOU! Think about how you are being when you are with yourself. Self inquire!

Here are a few questions to ask yourself…

Are you happy?

Sad?

Disappointed in where you are in the relationship you have with yourself?

Angry?

Resentful?

Loving some or most of the time but not all of the time?

Do you like you?

When you are alone do you feel lonely?

Are you always blaming others for what happens to you?

Do you know that something is missing in your life and you are not quite sure what it is?

Are you always looking back?

Frustrated?

Do you know what it feels like to live in the present; to really be present to what is going on?

Have you lost sight of what you really would like to have in the area of relationships?

Do you know specifically what YOU need from a relationship?

Have you really ever thought seriously about that?

Are you feeling sorry for yourself?

Upset because of the kind of people you attract into your life?

Have you reached a point where it is pointless to complain because you now know that relationships are what you make of them?

Do you know down deep inside that there must be something better?

These are just a few questions we can answer that will cause us to begin to understand that no matter how hopeless or great things look, they can always be better. We have a choice in how our lives turn out! Choice is our greatest power.

How do you work on YOU? You begin to get totally honest with yourself. You begin holding yourself accountable for who you are in the matter; how YOU feel about the way things are. Then. . . if you decide (and only when you decide) to do something different, you promise yourself (and keep your promise) that you will do everything within your power to be happy instead of right! In other words, discontinue justifying what doesn’t work and begin to do something different.

How do you work on YOU? You read good books about relationships that stimulate your thinking; that inspire you to a better way of living. You attend seminars and workshops, not just about relationships, but those that stimulate you to change the way you have been. Become involved in a support group; one that supports you in being a better you.

You begin to journal; really getting honest with how you feel about things, what you think about things, how things “really are” instead of how you “think” things are, etc. Write it all down. Be honest with yourself! Read: For Your Eyes Only. Spend a lot of time thinking about what’s happening right now, instead of dwelling on the past. Being concerned about something that has already happened and that you cannot change, keeps you stuck right where you are! You work on YOU!

What are the benefits of working on YOU? The reward for working on you is – you feel good about who you are! You really love you! Not the self-centered love that distracts you from being loving to others, but a genuine love of self; the kind of love you can share with others.

Loving you for who you are causes you to begin to feel like a whole person. At that time you may be ready for another relationship. Unless you wait for this magic moment, you may always continue to be disapointed with the relationships that show up in your life. Remember, like attracts like. Opposites do not attract. That is a myth!

If you cannot handle the most important relationship in your life – the one you have with yourself – then you will never be able to truly relate to the ambience of the coming together of two people. We spent so much of our time being concerned about the relationship we are in with someone else, that we forget about ourselves. This could be called “losing yourself in the relationship.”

LarryWingetMany people agree that working on you takes discipline, determination and doing something different; changing your behavior! That is the key. The relationship we have with ourselves and the relationships we have with others are hard work. This, we know is true: We must work on them all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed, however, they must never be a struggle.

Relationships become a struggle when someone is not pulling their fair share of the load. It’s hard to feel good about yourself, when you know you are letting your love partner down by not giving yourself full attention. It’s difficult if not impossible to pay attention to the overall relationship unless you know how to focus attention on yourself FIRST.

Two broken people can’t fix each other. You only have the choice to fix yourself! AND to begin, you have to acknowledge the problem. Broken people seem to attract each other because they can relate to, “Something is missing in this relationship!” The opposite is also true!

So. . . we must never stray from the path of self-discovery! We must always know where we stand with ourselves. The only way you can do this is to be attentive to, and intentional about having the best relationship with yourself that is humanly possible. This means you must always work on YOU first. When you are ready. . . a relationship with someone else will be there; you will find each other.

Can you imagine? Two, whole, healthy people. . . together. Each feeling good about themselves; loving themselves and sharing that love with each other.

Can you imagine? BOTH love partners working on the relationship they have with each other and supporting each other in their own personal growth!

If you believe it, really believe it, and make sure you are always doing the best you can to cause it to be this way. . . anything is possible. There is no other like you. This is it! Don’t waste time!

Never stop working on YOU.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Monday, March 17, 2014

How I Stopped Watching Porn for 1 Year and Why I’m Not Going Back!

Filed under: Intimacy,Porn,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am

First of all, let me say that this is a “Relationship” Blog! No matter how you personally feel about the dangers of porn, we are committed to presenting all points of view without judgement. As a relationship coach, I feel there are things that need to be said that we often resist talking about.

YouDecideI believe that everything in moderation is the best format to follow. Drink too much water and you can drown. Smoke too many cigarettes and you may get cancer. A vocal segment of the American population has serious concerns about the effect of pornography in society and challenges its public use and acceptance.

The problem of porn rears it’s ugly head when it comes to the point of addiction and begins to interfere with your sex life, social life, finances, job, relationship, family, spiritual life, responsibilities and so on. That’s where most people draw the line. Porn (and even too much sex) can cause depression, lethargy, no motivation, anxiety, low/non-existent libido, and plenty of other problems.

Research shows that 47% of people watch between 30 minutes to three hours of porn per day. The University of Sydney found that those who have an excessive passion for porn were more likely to have severe social and relationship problems, and were more likely to lose their jobs and get in trouble with the law.

The main voices heard about porn are those of church leaders, politicians, and opinion columnists. In these debates it is rare to hear the insights of those people who regularly consume pornography. Some think that any enjoyment of pornography is a sign of a twisted mind.

Please read “How I Stopped Watching Porn for 1 Year and Why I’m Not Going Back!” with an open mind and decide for yourself. Click here!

Larry’s NOTE: This post should not be construed as my being in favor of pornography, as my personal opinion is irrelevant to the matter at hand. Is porn beneficial or detrimental? Please be clear, I am NOT advocating pornography, I am NOT discussing the moral implications of pornography, I am NOT trying to tell everyone to start supporting pornography. My conclusion is that there is a good, bad, ugly and dark side of porn and you get to decide.

BONUS Article: The Good and Bad Sides of Porn

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Advice to Men After a Divorce Following 16 Years of Marriage (Women Should Read this too!)

Gerald Rogers, Guest Author

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had.

Beach-Cuddling1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and un-judging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

startingOver14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN – THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Larry’s NOTE: Loreena Hackett brought this article to my attention on her Facebook page. Thanks, Loreena!

Copyright © 2014 – Gerald Rogers.

ljspacer

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Accept Compliments Graciously

Filed under: Relationships,Thank you — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags:

Congratulations! You’ve earned somebody’s respect and admiration. What do you say to that? Are you one of those people who gets uncomfortable when someone compliments you? Why is it so difficult to accept compliments graciously? It’s important to learn to accept compliments graciously.

AcceptComplimentsIn a recent study most people deflect compliments nearly two-thirds of the time, often by suggesting that they don’t deserve the praise. But deflection contradicts the person who gave the compliment, implying that he or she has poor judgement or taste.

Simply say, “thank you” – there is never a time when that is not appropriate. Follow up with, “I appreciate you noticing that” or “I was feeling down and this is just the encouragement I needed.”

If what you are being praised for included the work of others, acknowledge their efforts after accepting credit for your own role. Example: “It couldn’t have happened without Devin’s help!”

BONUS Article: How to Take Compliments

“An assertive person knows their self worth and appreciates acknowledgement, but neither seeks it out nor rebuffs it when received.” ~ Unknown

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – ArtOfManliness.com. The Art of Manliness is a blog dedicated to uncovering the lost art of being a man.

ljspacer

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Next Page »

The Rubric Theme Blog at WordPress.com.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 6,082 other followers

%d bloggers like this: